Random Thoughts

[Grouchy]

I don't think the no boys staying over is a very shocking rule. It seems like a good rule no matter what your religion.

Huh, I was keeping myself away from this debate for fear of coming off as too nasty, but this triggers an obligatory reply.

Really? Seriously? Not being able to get laid in your own home is "a good rule"?

[EyesWideOpen]

Huh, I was keeping myself away from this debate for fear of coming off as too nasty, but this triggers an obligatory reply.

Really? Seriously? Not being able to get laid in your own home is "a good rule"?

As far as keeping things from getting messy. Sure. It makes sense as a rule for female roommates.

[Grouchy]

As far as keeping things from getting messy. Sure. It makes sense as a rule for female roommates.

Unless there's some double standard I'm not aware of, I don't get why this should benefit female roommates. In fact something as ridiculous as religion seems to be the only probable cause for such a "rule".

[Irish]

As far as keeping things from getting messy. Sure. It makes sense as a rule for female roommates.

Wow. Sexist much?

[number8]

It's a deal breaker either way, depending on who the people living there are. I don't know a single female who would find that rule acceptable. But if you don't like it, don't live there. Pretty simple.

[Robby P]

It's also quite possible that people don't want complete strangers staying in their apartment without their knowledge or consent. I've known plenty of irreligious people that had a strict "no randoms staying the night" policy. Granted, it was usually only applied toward men staying over because double standards.

[Lucky]

I've had male and female roommates and while I wouldn't enforce a rule like that, I can understand it. I hate dealing with roommates' SOs. More ppl around sharing the bathroom, taking up space, watching shitty things on the living room TV, having a front row ticket to their drama. Once in a while I can handle, but when they start to become an extra roommate during the weekends it annoys me.

Have I mentioned I love living alone?

[EyesWideOpen]

Wow. Sexist much?

I'm as far from sexist as a man could be. How is it not understandable that a woman would not want a man she doesn't know in her house? I wouldn't enforce any strict rules like that but I can definitely understand them. I've had male and female roommates and like Lucky said dealing with their SO's (or people staying over) is the worst part.

[Irish]

I'm as far from sexist as a man could be. How is it not understandable that a woman would not want a man she doesn't know in her house? I wouldn't enforce any strict rules like that but I can definitely understand them. I've had male and female roommates and like Lucky said dealing with their SO's (or people staying over) is the worst part.

Uh, right. Explain to me how "it makes sense for female roommates" isn't sexist?

What Lucky and 8 are talking about is almost besides the point. They're both right, but in ways that neatly sidestep the issue.

[number8]

If I sidestepped it, it's because I don't agree that it's only acceptable for female roommates. House rules are always arbitrary, anyway. It's set by the comfort level of the people living in it. There's nothing sexist about it because the genders don't matter.

If a bunch of women in a house feel threatened by having dudes they don't know stay in their house, then they set a rule preventing against that and there's nothing wrong with it. If they don't feel that threatened (such as the women I live with and pretty much all of my female friends) then they don't set such a rule.

If a bunch of men in a house feel threatened by having women they don't know stay in their house, then they set a rule preventing against that and there's nothing wrong with it. I don't know any dudes who would feel that way (or at least admit to it) though, so if they don't set such a rule that's okay too.

I don't know why this is an issue.

[Irish]

@8

I didn't mean that in a bad way; I agreed with your original post. You're right. If it's Mara's name on the lease, she gets to make the rules. If somebody doesn't like it, they can leave.

But -- that also eliminates the broader question, which was about whether it's reasonable for consenting adults to have any kind of "no fuck buddies" rule in a shared space.

[Qrazy]

Or the alternative but lesser employed 'all fuck buddies all the time' rule. If you are not having sex at any given moment there's a jar for you to put money into.

[EyesWideOpen]

Uh, right. Explain to me how "it makes sense for female roommates" isn't sexist?

If I have to explain to you why it might be different for a strange man to be in a women's apartment over a strange women being in a man's I don't know how to help you.

[number8]

@8

I didn't mean that in a bad way; I agreed with your original post. You're right. If it's Mara's name on the lease, she gets to make the rules. If somebody doesn't like it, they can leave.

But -- that also eliminates the broader question, which was about whether it's reasonable for consenting adults to have any kind of "no fuck buddies" rule in a shared space.

Doesn't really matter whose name is on the lease. It's just an agreement between people who live together. I just don't think "reasonable" comes into it. Like I said, house rules are arbitrary, so it's all relative. You can say that disallowing alcohol isn't "reasonable," but a lot of people have that rule for various reasons.

I think it only unreasonable when it's a business transaction, like my (female) coworker who was moving last month and one of the apartments she looked at, the landlord (who wouldn't have lived with them) insisted that she and her roommate could not have boys over. My coworker bailed on the lease signing and took her deposit back immediately.

[Neclord]

When was the last time you had checked your tire pressure? Over-inflated tires are much easier to blow out.

A couple of weeks ago, they seemed within tolerance. If anything they were slightly under-inflated. It was a new tire, too. $100 is my penalty for sloppy driving.

[Wryan]

Is there something about their respective personality types that makes extroverts seem so much more likely to not understand the differences between extroverts and introverts? I feel like intros get it because they can plainly see the outbursts and energy and gregariousness and risk-taking and openness all around them and think, "Ah yes, that's not really me, is it? Oh well, I'm content as I am." Whereas it seems extros think of anyone not at their ebullient level, "They must be bored, or something's wrong with them I must help them."

We just have fun differently. Enjoy your dancing. That's great. If I'd rather listen to the band, why not just freakin let me?

[Irish]

Or the alternative but lesser employed 'all fuck buddies all the time' rule. If you are not having sex at any given moment there's a jar for you to put money into.

:lol: Now that's a good rule.

[number8]

Is there something about their respective personality types that makes extroverts seem so much more likely to not understand the differences between extroverts and introverts? I feel like intros get it because they can plainly see the outbursts and energy and gregariousness and risk-taking and openness all around them and think, "Ah yes, that's not really me, is it? Oh well, I'm content as I am." Whereas it seems extros think of anyone not at their ebullient level, "They must be bored, or something's wrong with them I must help them."

We just have fun differently. Enjoy your dancing. That's great. If I'd rather listen to the band, why not just freakin let me?

I imagine that it's because you're both content with the environment, but one is enjoying it physically while the other is doing it mentally. It's kinda like when someone is telling a story and I sit back listening intently while my friend leans forward and nods along and says things like, "Oh wow, what did you do? Really? Oh geez." The storyteller probably thinks my friend is more interested in their story than I am.

[Irish]

Doesn't really matter whose name is on the lease. It's just an agreement between people who live together.

It matters because Mara is legally responsible for the space, not the roommate and not any of the roommate's guests.

[Wryan]

It matters because Mara is legally responsible for the space, not the roommate and not any of the roommate's guests.

I apologize, but until you change your avatar, I can only think of you as "Gypsy Stroke Scar."

[number8]

It matters because Mara is legally responsible for the space, not the roommate and not any of the roommate's guests.

I meant it in a "it matters even if everyone's names are on the lease, or none of them."

[Mara]

I'm kind of surprised how much discussion this has generated, and I'm willing to let the subject die out, but I just want to make one thing clear: I'm not trying to force my rules or my ideology on anyone with whom I live. I pick the roommates that I pick because they want the exact same standards from me that I want from them.

[transmogrifier]

I am hating the new iTunes.

I hate certain things (the loss of duplicate search, not being able to see album art in the "Song" library view, and the loss of the left-hand side column browser) but it is faster, I much prefer the Up Next function to the iTunes DJ thing they used to have, and the new album view is very nice.

So much like updates of anything, it's two steps forward, two steps back.

[transmogrifier]

I'm kind of surprised how much discussion this has generated, and I'm willing to let the subject die out, but I just want to make one thing clear: I'm not trying to force my rules or my ideology on anyone with whom I live. I pick the roommates that I pick because they want the exact same standards from me that I want from them.

Which is how things should be. Free association and all that.

The system works!

[[ETM]]

the loss of the left-hand side column browser)

It's still there pretty much as it was, it's just off by default.