The NFL Discussion Thread

[Ezee E]

Calvin Ridley and Julio Jones side by side should make for a good Falcons year.

[Dukefrukem]

Is Julio Jones returning?

[Ezee E]

Is Julio Jones returning?

Of course he will.

[MadMan]

Yeah no way the Falcons let Jones leave.

I like the Packers' draft way more than the Chiefs' draft. KC will be lucky if half of their picks turn out to be decent, let alone starters.

Also the Giants taking Barkley works if Eli stays healthy. Its a short term move. I am surprised that the Pats did not try to find a successor for Brady.

[Dukefrukem]

The NFL announced this week it was suspending Winston three games for allegedly grabbing the crotch of a female Uber driver in March 2016. The driver told BuzzFeed News that Winston “reached over and he just grabbed my crotch” while they were waiting in a drive-thru line. She said they were alone in the vehicle, which Winston initially disputed.

3 games for assaulting a woman and 4 games for "more probable than not" deflating a football.

fuck that shit

[MadMan]

In a make or break year for him, too. If Winston keeps this shit up and the turnovers increase more he might be gone sooner rather than later.

[MadMan]

Btw expecting the idiot commissioner to be consistent is silly at this point.

[Skitch]

Brother in law got VIP passes through work. Going to Browns training camp on friday. How to get on Hard Knocks without getting arrested....

[Ezee E]

Brother in law got VIP passes through work. Going to Browns training camp on friday. How to get on Hard Knocks without getting arrested....

Bring a Baker Mayfield sign.

[Skitch]

Bring a Baker Mayfield sign.

I don't think I can bring myself to be that guy...the Browns fan who thinks [rookie quarterback] is the next legend. We've been through so many. Also, I hope he doesn't see the field this year. That would mean Taylor is holding down the fort.

[Ezee E]

I don't think I can bring myself to be that guy...the Browns fan who thinks [rookie quarterback] is the next legend. We've been through so many. Also, I hope he doesn't see the field this year. That would mean Taylor is holding down the fort.

Do you want to be on HBO or not?

[MadMan]

I don't think I can bring myself to be that guy...the Browns fan who thinks [rookie quarterback] is the next legend. We've been through so many. Also, I hope he doesn't see the field this year. That would mean Taylor is holding down the fort.

Taylor is a really good QB who the Bills never believed in. Also Landry is a solid WR.

[Skitch]

Do you want to be on HBO or not?

Id bet we were in background of players running on field. There were less than a dozen people in the VIP area and we were right beside the players. We got pics and autographs with many of them after the scrimmage, but Baker just ran past which was kind of lame.

[Ezee E]

I didn't realize Landry was on there. Between him and Gordon, there's a few other players that sneaked on... I think the Browns will win a few.

[Skitch]

I didn't realize Landry was on there. Between him and Gordon, there's a few other players that sneaked on... I think the Browns will win a few.

If Gordon can get on the field.

Some pics
[

Show Spoiler

Met Kevin Mack

]

[Philip J. Fry]

The play that most embodies my childhood as a Colts fan was Nick Harper scooping up a fumble and running in the open field after Jerome Bettis fumbled at the goal line with a minute left in the playoffs. Ben Roethlisberger, who in 2005 still had the same maneuverability as he does in 2018, made an open field tackle while running backwards against our DB. Mike Vanderjagt would go on to miss a 46-yarder by 2 miles, and I had to watch the Steelers go on to win a fucking Super Bowl. The good thing is that the Colts have become so irrelevant that this moment has been relatively forgotten as the years have gone by.


For my birthday, my dad took me to my first game at the RCA dome. While we were tailgating, a standard Indianapolis woman (in her mid 30s) invited me over to their tailgate, where everyone was sufficiently drunk. She kept chatting me up, asking a bunch of questions like “Did you come here with anybody” to which I replied “Just my dad.” I didn’t know it at the time, but this woman was hardcore flirting with me. Finally, I told her the game was my birthday present, so she asked how old I was. I was turning 12. Her friends laughed and she ran away in shame. Oh, and the Colts went on to lose to the Jaguars. Go Colts.

I love Deadspin NFL previews.


Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Denver Broncos
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Houston Texans
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Indianapolis Colts
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: New York Giants
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Cleveland Browns

[Skitch]

I love Deadspin NFL previews.


Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Denver Broncos
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Houston Texans
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Indianapolis Colts
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: New York Giants
Why Your Team Sucks 2018: Cleveland Browns

I can take the ragging of the team with a laugh, but this bit...

"It’s tempting to blame Cleveland itself for this malaise. It is Cleveland, after all. But the New Browns don’t suck because of curses, or because of the general air of depression that lingers over Northeast Ohio at all times."

...he can get fucked. Entirely false and I'm sick of that national narrative even if used jokingly.

[MadMan]

Those Deadspin previews are cruel and often funny, but are prone to using some of the same jokes over and over. Also last year's Chiefs one didn't make me laugh, if only because it failed to truly dive into the misery of being a fan of a team with one playoff win since the 1990s. Maybe I have stopped caring.

[MadMan]

My favorite letter is from Tim about the Colts, which had me laughing so hard I was crying:

[

Show Spoiler

Tim:

When I was 13 years old, I went to a Colts/Seahawks game at the Hoosier Dome with my family. I think it was supposed to be a “Faith and Family” night, so there were a lot of good Hoosier church people settling into a half-filled stadium to see James Joseph Harbaugh and Marshall Faulk take on an aged and haggard Seahawks squad. When we arrived, we noticed we were sitting adjacent to a 350 lb. biker-looking dude and his Old Lady, who was easily pushing the same weight and had a substantial amount of doughy flesh hanging out of her leather vest. Both were wearing sunglasses indoors, neither were wearing Colts gear since we really didn’t do that in Indy until Peyton showed up. They were no less than five stadium beers in before kickoff, if their cups were to be believed.

During the pregame, Old Lady called Warren Moon, who was 40 years of age, a “noodle-armed f*ggot”, then turned to the crowd (of dozens, we were in the nosebleeds) and told us that she would fight any of us who disagreed. My mother initially stood up to say something, and quickly realized that there was no Midwestern Nice-ing the situation. Throughout the first half, Old Lady informed us that Jim Harbaugh was pigshit, that Marshall Faulk was some manner of thief, and that her man (who had yet to speak) was going to make her see God when they got back to “the truck”. I questioned the physics of said intercourse and my Dad told me to shut up.

Then a commercial for the local Alternative station started playing, which included an (at tops) 5 second clip of Sheryl Crow’s “A Change Will Do You Good”. Old Lady lit up like a Christmas tree, yelled “SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAAAARYL CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANGE!” extended her arm and made this weird revving motion, like she was rocking devil horns with a closed fist. She then sat down and shut up for the rest of the game. The Colts lost 31-3. She and her man consumed 26 beers between them.

I have had ups and downs with the club we stole from Baltimore, but through the bad times, the good times, and Curtis Painter, all I can envision when I see that blue horseshoe is a morbidly obese woman who smells like GPCs croaking like a frog about a cut-rate Sheryl Crow tune. I heard it in my head as we won the Super Bowl, and I made that damn hand motion as if it meant something. That’s who we are. That’s the spirit of our team. Diabetes, Alcoholism, and a yeast infection. Go Colts.

]

[Philip J. Fry]

My favorite letter is from Tim about the Colts, which had me laughing so hard I was crying:

[

Show Spoiler

Tim:

When I was 13 years old, I went to a Colts/Seahawks game at the Hoosier Dome with my family. I think it was supposed to be a “Faith and Family” night, so there were a lot of good Hoosier church people settling into a half-filled stadium to see James Joseph Harbaugh and Marshall Faulk take on an aged and haggard Seahawks squad. When we arrived, we noticed we were sitting adjacent to a 350 lb. biker-looking dude and his Old Lady, who was easily pushing the same weight and had a substantial amount of doughy flesh hanging out of her leather vest. Both were wearing sunglasses indoors, neither were wearing Colts gear since we really didn’t do that in Indy until Peyton showed up. They were no less than five stadium beers in before kickoff, if their cups were to be believed.

During the pregame, Old Lady called Warren Moon, who was 40 years of age, a “noodle-armed f*ggot”, then turned to the crowd (of dozens, we were in the nosebleeds) and told us that she would fight any of us who disagreed. My mother initially stood up to say something, and quickly realized that there was no Midwestern Nice-ing the situation. Throughout the first half, Old Lady informed us that Jim Harbaugh was pigshit, that Marshall Faulk was some manner of thief, and that her man (who had yet to speak) was going to make her see God when they got back to “the truck”. I questioned the physics of said intercourse and my Dad told me to shut up.

Then a commercial for the local Alternative station started playing, which included an (at tops) 5 second clip of Sheryl Crow’s “A Change Will Do You Good”. Old Lady lit up like a Christmas tree, yelled “SHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA AAARYL CROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOW! CHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA ANGE!” extended her arm and made this weird revving motion, like she was rocking devil horns with a closed fist. She then sat down and shut up for the rest of the game. The Colts lost 31-3. She and her man consumed 26 beers between them.

I have had ups and downs with the club we stole from Baltimore, but through the bad times, the good times, and Curtis Painter, all I can envision when I see that blue horseshoe is a morbidly obese woman who smells like GPCs croaking like a frog about a cut-rate Sheryl Crow tune. I heard it in my head as we won the Super Bowl, and I made that damn hand motion as if it meant something. That’s who we are. That’s the spirit of our team. Diabetes, Alcoholism, and a yeast infection. Go Colts.

]

Hilarious.

[Philip J. Fry]

[Ezee E]

Mean dig Schefter, lol.

[Skitch]

Mean dig Schefter, lol.

Nope, accurate. Worst trade in NFL history.

[Scar]

Nope, accurate. Worst trade in NFL history.

*cough*

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herschel_Walker_trade

[Skitch]

*cough*

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Herschel_Walker_trade

LOL I forgot about that! Meh, you've been to Superbowls though so shush.