The Spun Lepton Punk Sucka Semi Centennial Celebration (OR: 50 ways in which Spun Lepton is a PUNK)

[bac0n]

So, you've spent half a century on this here planet, and I've known you for more than half of that still, so I figure I know you as well as anybody on this board. But for all I do know, there is one question that, after all these years, I still am no closer to answering than the day we met, and that is...

HOW DO PUNKS LIKE YOU BECOME SUCH PUNKS? HUH?

1. If you were a town, you'd be Punksuckadelphia Punksylvania.
2. If you were a groundhog, your name would be Punksatawny Phil.
3. Did you know there is a popular beer style named after you? IPA! (short for "I'm a Punk-Ass")
4. If you were a cartoon character, you'd be either Punks Punky or Punky Punkpecker.
5. If you were a Punkitician, you would be in the Repunklican Party.
6. If you were a dog breed, you'd be a Punkinese, or perhaps a Chesapunk Bay Retriever.
7. If you were a Punkasaur, you'd be a tripunkatops.
8. I bet you played the punksaphone in highschool band.
9. Did you serve in the army? If you did, you would have gotten a punkzooka.
10. If you were an 80s sitcom starring an irascible kid, your name would be PunkSucky Brewster.
11. If you were the Superbowl, it would be the Tampa Bay Punkaneers vs. The Punkalo Bills.
12. If you were the Stanley Cup Finals, it would be Colorado Punkalanche vs. the Punksberg Punkguins.
13. If you were a wine varietal, you would be a punko grigio (a punkassuming wine, I am sure people would be charmed by your punksumptuousness)
14. If you were a metal band, your name would be Five Finger Death Punk.
15. If you were a boardgame, you would be Punkcheesi.
16. Spice Girl? Why, Punk Spice, of course.
17. Boy Band? Justin Punkerlake, naturally.
18. When you fly in a plane, are you careful to pack your punkachute?
19. If you were a Mortal Kombat character, your name would be Knup Akcus, your style would be Punken Monkey Punk Fu, and at the end of the match, down down down triangle (mid-range) would execute your Punkality.
20. If you were a winter vegetable, you'd be a punktato, but now that it's spring, you'd be aspunkagus.
21. Do you drive a Ford Punkstang? I bet you do.
22. If you were a Star Trek Character, you'd be Captain Jean-Luc Punkard.
23. If you were a style of verse in a poem, you'd be an Iambic Punkameter. Don't know what that is? Here's an example: Spun Lepton Is a Punk. // A Punk A Punk A Punk // A Punk A Punk A Punk A Punk // Punk Punk Punk Punk Punk Punk .
24. If you were a punkaiju, your name would be Punkagon, and you'd be the main villain of the movie Punkcific Rim.
25. If you were an industrial band, your name would be Skinny Punky.
26. If you were a horror movie, the title would be The Punkcorcist, the story of a little kid possessed by the the demon Punkzuzu.
27. If you were a sparkling white wine not produced in the Champagne region of France, you'd be punkseco.
28. If you were a scary Mexican fanged beast that sucks the blood of goats, you'd be a Chupunkabre.
29. If you were a Lacroix sparkling water flavor, you'd be punklemousse.
30. If you were a nut, you'd be a punkstachio
31. If you were a bird, you'd be a yellow bellied punksucker.
32. If you were a tiny European country, you'd be Punksembourge. If you were a Failed Middle Eastern Post Soviet Republic, you'd be Punksuckistan. If you were a Central Mmerican nation, you'd be Punkaragua.
33. If you were a hip-hop group, you'd be Punklic Enemy.
34. If you were a breakfast cereal, you'd be Punky Charms.
35. Speaking of food, I bet your favorite Italian dish is Punksagna.
36. If you were a fruit, you'd be a punknana (an excellent source of punktassium!)
37. If you were a music festival, you'd be Lalapunklooza.
38. If you were a loaf of bread wrapped and then wrapped again, your brand name would be Punkeridge Farm.
39. If you were a brand of popcorn, you'd be Orville Punkenbacker.
40. If you were a ska band, your name would be The Mikey Mikey Punktones.
41. If you were a bug I'd like to smoosh, you'd be a punksquito.
42. I bet the reason why Daft Punk retired, was that you threatened to sue them for copywrite violation over their name.
43. If you were the punkteenth president of the United States, you'd be Punkraham Lincoln (The Great Emancipunkor)
44. If someone made a musical about you, the title would be, simply: Punk!
45. If you were an X-Men villain, you'd be either The Punkernaut, Punkneto, or possibly Apunkalypse.
46. Do your sister's kids call you Punkle?
47. I bet when you order pizza, you always get punkeroni and punkrooms. I bet you don't even hold the punkchovies, either.
48. When you were a kid, I bet your favorite Saturday morning cartoon was Alvin and the Chippunks.
49. Speaking of kids, legend has it that when you were a baby, your mom had such a hard time getting you to go to sleep, that she hired Patti Smith and the Ramones to come up with some songs to finally get you to nod off. These songs would later come to be known as "Punk Rock".
50. Finally, I can imagine what a day in the life of a punk like you would be. Bright and early in the morning, you wake up, shamble downstairs, maybe grab a punktart before you head over to Starpunks for a punkin' spice latte. Or maybe you instead head to PunkDonalds to get an Egg McPunkfin. And then, after a long day of doing whatever punkery it is you punks do, you relax with a nice Scotch. Perhaps a Punkfidditch. Perhaps a Punkmorgan. Or maybe a Highland Punk. And then, when the day is through, you slip into your punkjamas for a long night's sleep and visions of sugarpunk fairies dancing in your head.

And I would go on and on, but I seem to have misplaced my punktionary, so let me just close be saying: you're a punk!

Happy birthday ya rat bastid. (I love dis guy!)

[Spun Lepton]

If you were a Star Trek Character, you'd be Captain Jean-Luc Punkard.

My favorite one. Thanks, punkass.

[Scar]

Happy belated Birthday punk. I’ll get you a copy of Dark Souls III for your birthday.

[amberlita]

Suck a semi?

[DFA1979]

Punkariffic! Or punkalicious.

[Spun Lepton]

This is the longest running inside joke between bac0n and I. First we started out calling each other punks. Then we started calling each other punk suckers. Then it was punk suckas. Then punk sucka foo's. From there we just formed the insult into any manner we could, with plenty of perfect examples in the top post.

After writing the post, bac0n must consider himself to be a regular William Shakespunke.

[Dukefrukem]

Happy Punkirth Day. Am I doing it right?

[Spun Lepton]

Happy Punkirth Day. Am I doing it right?

We got Punkpunkem tryin' to make a joke. A regular Louie PK over here.

[bac0n]

This is the longest running inside joke between bac0n and I. First we started out calling each other punks. Then we started calling each other punk suckers. Then it was punk suckas. Then punk sucka foo's. From there we just formed the insult into any manner we could, with plenty of perfect examples in the top post.

After writing the post, bac0n must consider himself to be a regular William Shakespunke.

If you don't mind me punkbacking on what Spun said, this all started over 20 years ago when Spun was living back in San Franpunksco. At the time, he was going by the name analogS8N or something like that. I was going by.... bac0n. It was our old IRC handles. Anywho, we'd spend our workdays trading insults via AIM. (that's AOL Instant Messenger for you non-GenXers out there)

It was particularly fun when someone was in my cube at work, looking at something on my monitor. My AIM window would by minimized, of course, with the first four letters of Spun's AIM handle serving as the label of the minimized window, which, for those paying attention, meant that I would have to explain to coworkers why I had a window labeled "anal" on my work computer.

[DFA1979]

Ah, AIM. Now that's a name I haven't heard in years.

[Dukefrukem]

More evidence that I'm a GenXer and not a millennial. I've been using AIM since AOL 2.0. it's where Dukefrukem spawned.

[DFA1979]

I honestly think all of those labels are dumb as hell, anyways. Many of my favorite movies and bands are very Gen X.