2017 Film Matchies Awards

[dreamdead]

Welcome to the inevitably stretched out ceremony for the 2017 Matchies, Film edition. A reminder on previous year winners for best film:

2016 - The Lobster
2015 - Mad Max: Fury Road
2014 - Under the Skin
2013 - Inside Llewyn Davis/The Act of Killing
2012 - Zero Dark Thirty
2011 - The Tree of Life
2010 - Black Swan
2009 - Inglourious Basterds
2008 - The Dark Knight
2007 - No Country for Old Men

Will we lean toward the love letter to Sacramento, the Nolanesque puzzle box inexplicably made by Nolan, the cinema vérité stylings of Sean Baker, the blend of racial politics into body horror, desire and landscape lovingly set in Italy, the auteur qualities of late-PT Anderson, a sequel extending one of the greatest future-scapes of modern sci fi, or the fever dream of a writer and his muse...?

[dreamdead]

Also, this is really going to go slowly for us unless people want to handle a few of the award presentations... PM if you'd like to present any of the following:

Best Editing - claimed by baby doll
Best Art Direction - claimed by Spinal
Best Costume Design - claimed by Spinal
Best Cinematography - claimed by baby doll
Best Original Screenplay - claimed by D&MU
Best Adapted Screenplay - claimed by D&MU
Best Supporting Actress
Best Supporting Actor
Best Actor - claimed by Ezee E
Best Actress - claimed by Ezee E
Best Director

[dreamdead]

To present our award for Best Animated Feature, please welcome... this guy:



Hey guys, I can't help but notice that this film community didn't nominate five films for consideration. I assume it's merely because you didn't want to have the usual argument about the split between art and entertainment, since The Emoji Movie was rather conspicuously missing from the list. Right, guys? I mean, surely you're not holding the fact that my film should have come out in 2009--when the concept was likely first pitched to the studio heads-against me? You're not gonna look back on The Emoji Movie as a Movie That Exists in two months, are you?

...

You're not even gonna remember that this was a movie, are you?

[

Show Spoiler

]

Here are the nominees for Best Animated Feature:

Coco

The LEGO Batman Movie

Your Name


And the winner is....

[

Show Spoiler

Coco

]

[dreamdead]

Woah, woah, woah. Look who's decided to join us, all in a slow-motion, coordinated walk.



It's the gang from last year's winner for Best Original Song, Sing Street. So, how's it going, guys? Let me guess. Critically acclaimed, but since you were stuck over on Amazon Prime for most of last year, few people noticed your existence, right? Well, let's greet this year's group of stellar artists, who were all widely acclaimed by others, too. Surely it'll go better for them.

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
"Captain Underpants Theme Song" performed by Weird Al Yankovic and Ed Helms, Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie
"Mystery of Love" performed by Sufjan Stevens, Call Me By Your Name
"The Pure and the Damned" performed by Oneohtrix Point Never with Iggy Pop, Good Time
"Remember Me" performed by Miguel and Natalia Lafourcade, Coco
"Visions of Gideon" performed by Sufjan Stevens, Call Me By Your Name

and the winner is...
[

Show Spoiler

]

[Spinal]

Here to present the award for BEST COSTUME DESIGN, a woman in an extremely clever Halloween costume ...



"Creating top-tier costumes isn't easy. You have to have creativity. You have to have vision. You have to have an extraordinary eye for detail. And, most importantly, you have to have the ability to visually render clever puns, such as the hilarious witticism embodied by the costume I am wearing right now. At first glance you might think, 'What is she? Some kind of satanic orb?' But if you take a moment to piece together the clues, you'll remember that occasionally eggs are cooked with hot seasoning or, to put it another way, deviled. That's right. I'm not a 'satanic orb' after all, but rather a 'horny egg deviler'. Mothers, watch after your sons, because I am on the loose! And now, the nominees for Best Costume Design ..."

Renée April, Blade Runner 2049


Mark Bridges, Phantom Thread


Sonia Grande, The Lost City of Z


Michael Kaplan, Star Wars: The Last Jedi


Mayes C. Rubeo, Thor: Ragnarok


AND THE WINNER IS ....

[Spinal]

Mark Bridges, Phantom Thread




[

Show Spoiler

]

[Dead & Messed Up]

Mark Bridges has Blue Steel on lock.

[Spinal]

Here to present the award for BEST ART DIRECTION is writer/director Paul Mazursky ...



"Many, many years ago, I made this little film you may have heard of called Harry and Tonto about an elderly man and a cat. The star of that film came to me a raging alcoholic. A disaster. Lifelong addict. But we got him off the sauce and got him to deliver the performance of his life. What happened next? Oh, he went on the win the Oscar, my friend. So, I guess you might say I know a little something about ... Art Direction.

What, you don't like that? I can bring back the egg lady, I swear. I will do it.

OK, here are the nominees for Best Art Direction ..."




Blade Runner: Hey, It's 2049!



The Lost City: Can't Find the Z!



What Shape Is That Water?



Star Wars: At Last, a Jedi!




... and the winner is ...

[

Show Spoiler

]

[Pop Trash]

Wait...you are aware Paul Mazursky is [

Show Spoiler

dead

], right? Just so we're all on the same page.

[Ezee E]

Also, this is really going to go slowly for us unless people want to handle a few of the award presentations... PM if you'd like to present any of the following:

Best Visual Effects
Best Editing - claimed by baby doll
Best Art Direction - claimed by Spinal
Best Costume Design - claimed by Spinal
Best Cinematography - claimed by baby doll
Best Original Screenplay
Best Adapted Screenplay
Best Ensemble Cast
Best Supporting Actress
Best Supporting Actor
Best Actor
Best Actress
Best Director

I'll take Actor and Actress.

[dreamdead]

It's me, gang, Amy Adams from last year's winner for Best Sound, Arrival.



This year, we are once again blessed to celebrate films that blend image with sound in seamless ways. Sound is a marvel of ingenuity that makes things go pew pew, vvvvvvr-room, skreeetch, KRANG, or other complicated noises that truly capture the existential anxiety of the human condition. I'm pleased to announce that here are the nominees for Best Sound:

Baby Driver


Blade Runner 2049


Dunkirk


mother!


Star Wars: The Last Jedi


And the winner is...
[

Show Spoiler

Baby Driver

]

[dreamdead]

Did you remember that Moonlight won best score last year? If so, then you're a more observant follower of the Matchies than I. Other winners have included It Follows, Under the Skin, and Upstream Color.

Here are this year's nominees...

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
Alexandre Desplat, The Shape of Water


Jonny Greenwood, Phantom Thread


Daniel Hart, A Ghost Story


Oneohtrix Point Never, Good Time


Benjamin Wallfisch and Hans Zimmer, Blade Runner 2049


Hans Zimmer, Dunkirk


And the winner is... [

Show Spoiler

Phantom Thread

]

[dreamdead]

Visual Effects are a time-consuming process, one which often gets the attention of hundreds upon hundreds of animators, who labor lovingly to ensure that every pixel of every frame is as lifelike as possible. Their care is present in everything from big budget filmmaking to even indie films, making sure that a cityscape accurately reflects its era to even the most discriminating eye. I believe that the films nominated below all demonstrate that care.

Here are the nominees for BEST VISUAL EFFECTS:

Blade Runner 2049


Dunkirk


Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2


Kong: Skull Island


The Shape of Water


Star Wars: The Last Jedi


War for the Planet of the Apes


And the winner is... [

Show Spoiler

Blade Runner 2049

]

[Dead & Messed Up]

And the winner for Best Original Screenplay is...

[

Show Spoiler

GET OUT

]



And the winner for Best Adapted Screenplay is...

[

Show Spoiler

CALL ME BY YOUR NAME

]

[baby doll]

Here to present the award for BEST EDITING is Seijun Suzuki!



Good evening, American barbarians. Yes, I'm dead, but if you've seen my films, you know that this is not a permanent condition. This is the strength of entertainment filmmakers: You can do anything you want so long as it makes a fake award show more interesting. Also, I wanted to let everyone know the news that the Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences apparently considers me more of a household name than Adam West fills me with deep, everlasting shame because, you know, Japan.

Here are your boringly comprehensible nominees...


Jonathan Amos and Paul Machliss, Baby Driver


Ronald Bronstein and Benny Safdie, Good Time


Lee Smith, Dunkirk


Joe Walker, Blade Runner 2049


Andrew Weisblum, mother!


And the winner is...

[

Show Spoiler

]

[Ezee E]

Hey guys, it's me...


Jerry Lewis. I've never won a Matchie, much less been nominated for one. But who else can do this?



Perhaps these five nominees for Best Actress?

Sally Hawkins, Shape of Water
[img]https://img.buzzfeed.com/buzzfeed-static/static/2018-02/8/14/asset/buzzfeed-prod-fastlane-02/anigif_sub-buzz-11012-1518117480-5.gif?downsize=715:*&output-format=auto&output-quality=auto[/img]

Vicky Krieps, Phantom Thread


Jennifer Lawrence, mother!


Brooklynn Prince, Florida Project


Saoirse Ronan, Lady Bird


Well, hot diggity... the winner is

[

Show Spoiler

SALLY HAWKINS

"I just did mine with the wine glass, but you missed out."

]

[Grouchy]

Wait, who won editing?

[TGM]

Wait, who won editing?

Well, it's Captain Kirk, so I figured that meant Dunkirk? *shrug*

[Dukefrukem]

Wait, who won editing?

I didn't put it together either. Lol was staring at the gif for 5 minutes.

[baby doll]

Wait, who won editing?

[

Show Spoiler

Dunkirk.

]

[dreamdead]

Have you guys ever tried searching for GIFs for contemporary documentaries with much luck? Well, prepare for some truly bizzare matches, where I'm going to simply take the first GIF and apply it to a very unlikely candidate. Apologies to what are assuredly great films.

And here are the candidates for BEST DOCUMENTARY:

Dawson City: Frozen Time

Faces Places

LA 92

Oklahoma City

Wormwood


And the winner is... [

Show Spoiler

a tie! Dawson City: Frozen Time and Faces Places

]

[dreamdead]

Hair and makeup. Quick, when I say The Neon Demon, when's the last time you truly thought about Refn's film? Roughly this time last year? More recently? In any event, that film took this award last year. Let's play a game of seeing which of these films will stick in our head and hearts for the next year.

Here are the nominees for BEST HAIR/MAKEUP:
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2

It

Logan

The Shape of Water

Star Wars: The Last Jedi


And the winner is...[

Show Spoiler

a tie! Guardians of the Galaxy: Vol 2 and Star Wars: The Last Jedi

]

[dreamdead]

Here are the previous winners for Best Ensemble Cast:
2016 - Moonlight
2015 - The Hateful Eight
2014 - We Are the Best!
2013 - 12 Years a Slave
2012 - Moonrise Kingdom
2011 - A Separation
2010 - The Social Network
2009 - Inglourious Basterds
2008 - Rachel Getting Married
2007 - Zodiac

What's the link connecting them all? Why, they all have more than one person in their respective casts.

[

Show Spoiler

(I really need sleep, guys.)

]

Here are the nominees for BEST ENSEMBLE CAST:

The Big Sick

Blade Runner 2049

Detroit

The Florida Project

Get Out

Lady Bird


And the winner is... [

Show Spoiler

Lady Bird

]

[TGM]

Hair and makeup. Quick, when I say The Neon Demon, when's the last time you truly thought about Refn's film?

Last night, actually. Still easily of my favorites from that year, and one that's stayed with me quite a bit, while many others have fallen off.

[dreamdead]

Last night, actually. Still easily of my favorites from that year, and one that's stayed with me quite a bit, while many others have fallen off.

And I do appreciate that you've been an ardent defender of ND throughout the past year. Differences of opinion are truly what makes film communities work. For me the utter lack of fulfilling narrative makes me regard Refn's writing alongside films like Showgirls, where there the ability to suggest that the film is an indictment of everything that's on the screen. But since Refn doesn't have a funny bone in his recent films, I wonder about those who look for transgressive depth rather than impressive surface.

In other news, Sarah and I are seriously considering rebooting our Filmstruck membership largely for Dawson City: Frozen Time.