I loathe myself for using "office lingo"

[Benny Profane]

Please advise.

[Skitch]

Must legally change your name to Michael Bolton.

[Benny Profane]

Just following up.

Thanks in advance.

Best,
Benny

[Dead & Messed Up]

Office shorthand maximizes efficiency. You're achieving a new paradigm in interdepartmental solutions.

[Benny Profane]

At the end of the day, it's about synergies and creating an environment for success. Who wants to run point on this?

[Dead & Messed Up]

"Thanks in advance" really is one of my worst things though. My sympathies.

[Benny Profane]

Let me know when you get a chance. Looking forward to your feedback.

[Dukefrukem]

At the end of the day, it's about synergies and creating an environment for success. Who wants to run point on this?

No way anyone uses the word "synergies". Just no way. THAT is the worst.

[Benny Profane]

Not trying to reinvent the wheel here, Duke.

[Raiders]

I like "thanks in advance" because is saves me from that most awful of workplace emails... the subsequent "Thanks" email containing nothing of substance but forcing me to read and delete.

[Duncan]

No way anyone uses the word "synergies". Just no way. THAT is the worst.

They do, though. They do.

[D_Davis]

Join the ongoing conversation! #officelingo

[Raiders]

Can we get an ETA on when we will run out of office lingo? Just want to make sure we're all on the same page.

[Duncan]

Worst one I've heard recently is "right-sizing" as a euphemism for layoffs. Jesus.

[Benny Profane]

Can we get an ETA on when we will run out of office lingo? Just want to make sure we're all on the same page.

What are the core values of this thread? Are they scalable, and if so, what will be the best practices for doing so moving forward?

Circle back with me when you get a chance.

[Dead & Messed Up]

I like "thanks in advance" because is saves me from that most awful of workplace emails... the subsequent "Thanks" email containing nothing of substance but forcing me to read and delete.

"Thanks" is okay.

"Thanks in advance." I can't stand the "in advance." It takes whatever possible human feeling can still be extracted from a thank-you and makes it into a combination of empty business-speak and passive-aggressive now-get-to-fucking-work. I'd rather people not thank me at all than say "thanks in advance."

[Duncan]

Actual text of email:

{redacted},

It was great catching up with you on the {redacted} Scalable Plant Exercise this am. As discussed, please see attached the concept report from the {redacted} project and for you to extract relevant information that will aid you in developing some criteria in establishing the applicability of modularization to the scalable plant concept.
I will set up a meeting with the other key stake holders to establish synergy .

Regards,
{redacted}

[Benny Profane]

Thanks for taking the time to speak with me this morning.

[Benny Profane]

I am open to any suggestions you might have to further benefit our working relationship.

[D_Davis]

I don't have the bandwidth to keep tabs on this thread. If it really is important, ping me, if not, please remove me from the distro list.

[Benny Profane]

Let me know if you have any questions or concerns.

[Duncan]

What de-risking opportunities exist in this thread? Let's establish a path forward for envisioning their implementation.

[Raiders]

I will set up a meeting with the other key stake holders to establish synergy

I don't think there exists a sincere sentence in the history of emails that is more "office lingo" than this right here. It should win a prize or something. I am convinced this person is a corporate robot.

[Winston*]

I had one last year that talked about "Proactively managing dependent deliverables", so I emailed back "Proactively managing dependent deliverables should be a primary strategic objective for our internal taskforce network". I don't know if he knew I was making fun of him.

[Benny Profane]

We are in the planning phase and researching our opportunities before taking the next steps.