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Thread: Critique me, Match-Cut!

  1. #1
    Screenwriter Fezzik's Avatar
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    Critique me, Match-Cut!

    As I've noted previously, I am involved in a web series being produced by IronZoo Productions and Florida State University. There are eight episodes. My first appearance is in episode three (linked below).



    I'll come right out and say it - I need some feedback. Some honest feedback.

    I have a hard time getting honest feedback from my friends and family (even those with a theatre and/or film background), for obvious reasons - they're shy about being negative and any praise they give me I have to take with a grain of salt.

    I'd really like some feedback from the people here on MC because I trust you guys to be objective. I'm not looking for a review or thoughts on the production as a whole - it's admittedly uneven and choppy for various reasons (one of which is having the School of Communications completely cut the narrative track from their degree program).

    What I am looking for is some words on my performance in Episode 3 (and 7 when it comes out). I need to know where I'm good. Where I'm bad. I want to improve but I simply cannot move forward without someone telling me my strengths and weaknesses. I am my own worst critic so I can't trust me either

    If you're uneasy about saying stuff in this thread because its a fellow cutter you're reviewing, feel free to send any comments to me via PM.

    And I need to reiterate - I am seeking honest commentary. I am not fishing for compliments. I've recently gained the services of a talent agent and in a couple of weeks, I am going to be editing my demo reel. I need to know where I need to improve if I'm going to make this acting thing a viable career path.

    Thanks in advance,

    Fezzik / Dan

  2. #2
    - - - - - Irish's Avatar
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    I liked you in this and, more importantly, I think the camera likes you too.

    This is a student production and frankly it's very badly written. You already know that, but the challenge in critiquing something like this from a performance point of view is that almost none of the roles are actable parts. Everything everybody says is expositional techno babble. When it's not, it's hackneyed shit ("I don't know, Vince, but year after year it gets worse out there"). There's no way to create anything around that.

    But:

    Your line readings seemed strong to me and if I'd guess offhand that you've had voice lessons on top of your other experience.

    Your gestures were sometimes stiff. The final scene seemed a little more natural; the parking lot scene more awkward.

    I don't have any advice for you because I am not an actor. So I'll say what I always say whenever anyone looks for feedback on anything, because it's always true: Less is more.

  3. #3
    good for health Skitch's Avatar
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    I will when I get a chance. 60+ hour work weeks are crushing me right now. Congrats on the project though!

  4. #4
    Screenwriter Fezzik's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Irish (view post)
    I liked you in this and, more importantly, I think the camera likes you too.
    This is the comment I get most. Apparently I come across well on camera. Who knew?


    Your gestures were sometimes stiff. The final scene seemed a little more natural; the parking lot scene more awkward.
    Im not surprised you noticed this - I am surprised more haven't. My character in the original timeline was right handed. His younger self gets shot and when it comes back to the timeline, Im using my left hand. I am naturally left handed, so that first scene felt awkward to me too because it was a last minute change and I didn't have time to practice using my right hand as my primary. Good eye on you, Irish

    Thanks for the feedback - this is the kind of stuff i'm looking for, and yeah, the writing isn't my favorite thing in the world. My best man, who is a theatre professor, said as much to me ("I'd really like to see you work with some better writers").

  5. #5
    - - - - - Irish's Avatar
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    No problem. Be sure to post your next episode. I got a kick out of watching this.

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