Jupiter Ascending (The Wachowski Starship)

[Stay Puft]

JUPITER ASCENDING
Dir. Andy and Lana Wachowski



IMDb page

[Henry Gale]

I liked it, but it's a "Looks: 10 / Personality: 4" sort of situation.

Everything the Wachowskis do with it as a consistently evolving visual tapestry that consistently fills itself with new shades to its endless scope, curveball character designs, world-building, stunning action set-pieces (particularly the first chase along the Chicago skyline) and perpetual "no fucks given" atmosphere, it all feels on-point. It's just when it feels the need to clutter itself and the kill the buzz of those thrilling images with the amount of exposition, intertwining character backstories, endless dramatic backstabbing in the moment, and all sorts of other scripting that somehow feels too truncated to breathe, overly dense, too simplistic, too complicated and too thin to grab on to emotionally all at the same time. Luckily, film is a medium that can deliver to the senses without limits (particularly when it has a budget as big as this in its hands) and the Wachowskis prove once again that they're virtuously gifted at delivering on those fronts if not with the backbone of their narrative here.

The irony of its delay is if it had come out on its original release date in July 2014, its wacky, adventurous space operatics would've beaten to the punch a lot of those sort of aspects Guardians of the Galaxy delivered on just a couple of weeks later. The greater issue is that Guardians also filled its universe with more character, potent heart-tugging undercurrents, less strained and more frequent humour, and just an overall zest and panache that is sadly lacking from the Wachowskis' often even more bizarre concoction and crowded mythology. As much as I may champion certain aspects of Jupiter as it inevitably descends into cheap, bomb-sniffed punchlines, Gunn's film really is the more deserved and rich oeuvre to look forward to moving ahead to represent similar things in the future blockbuster pantheon.

But Jupiter is also a nicely self-contained crazy marvel of a big-budget question-mark that doesn't leave open ends that require a forced continuation, and for that, it's worth observing from whatever lens and level of skepticism you choose.

[Dukefrukem]

Once again Henry, you set my expectations in place.

[TGM]

Let's just say that I understand why there were reportedly so many walkouts on this thing. My god was this hard to sit through. Such a headache of a movie, and there were points where I almost wanted to just chuck my drink at the screen in frustration. And the action scenes in this thing may seriously be the most tedious and incompetent action sequences I've ever seen in a movie. This movie is a steaming pile of dog shit.

[Pop Trash]

At least we have a front runner for the 2015 razzie awards.

[Spinal]

There will be many films far worse than this. However, this one will draw a lot of attention because it's highly ambitious and falls short.

[megladon8]

I'm reading a lot comparing this to Battlefield Earth.

[Henry Gale]

I'm reading a lot comparing this to Battlefield Earth.

Well, the only thing people might love more than piling-on is over-exaggerating. (Because space + make-up = equally bad!!!)

The Wachowskis will always have a baseline level of skill behind the camera that elevates their endeavours no matter how misguided their projects might (with this being the worst case I'll splice in the word "eventually") be, compared to... whoever directed Battlefield Earth.

[max314]

At this point, I've almost completely resigned myself to the likelihood that I won't enjoy this film.

Shame.

[eternity]

Jupiter Ascending should be the Star Wars of our time. I'm having a really hard time thinking of the last big studio blockbuster that is this mesmerizing, intelligent, and beautiful. Like much of what the Wachowskis have done before, it sticks to classical storytelling staples; the hero's journey, the chosen one, etc. Yet also, like with The Matrix (which they were celebrated for) and Speed Racer (which they were similarly maligned), they dive in head first to challenge the conventional language of contemporary American cinema.

It's a universally accepted notion that most megabudget Hollywood films are carbon copies of each other. They spin the same tale in the same way. People are willing to shell out money for them and enjoy each of them individually while concurrently bitching about how there aren't original movies anymore. Well here it is, people. This is what you get when incredible filmmakers the reign to swing for the fences with a gargantuan sci-fi epic. Jupiter Ascending is astoundingly captivating. Its themes are explored as deeply as its set pieces are exquisitely choreographed. Its only fault is that it does not hold your hand. It assumes you are ready for a movie that demands you to immediately accept its whimsical, extraordinary universe, and why shouldn't it? People spent $300 million domestic on a movie about a talking raccoon last year.

With this and Michael Mann's Blackhat receiving a critical drubbing this year, I profoundly think most film critics are failing us. There is clearly an echo chamber that is quick to bitch about the monotony of studio filmmaking yet seem to have a sick satisfaction with piling onto any movie a talented filmmaker is able to make within that system challenging the conventional norm. God forbid a mass market movie be ARTFUL.

tl;dr We don't deserve this movie.

[[ETM]]

I can't tell if you're being serious, eternity.

[max314]

I've heard it being called everything from "One of the worst movies ever made!" to "The second coming of Star Wars!" If anything, this has further piqued my curiosity. It would appear that "No-one can be told what Jupiter Ascending is -- you have to see it for yourself"

However, there is at least one thing that is certain from the reviews: if you are ever considering seeing Jupiter Ascending at any point in your life, then YOU HAVE TO SEE IT ON THE BIG SCREEN!! Even if you dislike the film, it would seem that this is the only way to guarantee value for your money.

I'm hoping to see the film sometime this week.

Jupiter Ascending should be the Star Wars of our time. I'm having a really hard time thinking of the last big studio blockbuster that is this mesmerizing, intelligent, and beautiful.

[...]

We don't deserve this movie.

[Skitch]

I can't tell if you're being serious, eternity.

I reeeeeeally hope hes being serious.

[Dukefrukem]

Bombed big time.

[Morris Schæffer]

Bombed big time.

well, at least the siblings have shown true ambition. They may be out of a job soon if they stick to these mega-budgeted monstrosities. Dial it down a notch, go small scale idiots. What? A 20 million dollar movie can't be ambitious?

[max314]

Dial it down a notch, go small scale idiots. What? A 20 million dollar movie can't be ambitious?

The film they REALLY wanna make is a futuristic Iraq War gay love story shot in verité style (yes, I put those words in that order) called Cobalt Neural 9.

It was budgeted at $20 million.

They pitched it to Warner Brothers, who said, "No. But do you have another potential sci-fi franchise knocking around in those pink-dreaded, skin-headed noggins of yours."

"Uh...yeah," they said. "It's like a space opera thing with--"

"How's $176 million sound?"

The Wachowskis were broke and had mortgaged their home to close financing on their previous film.

Hence Jupiter Ascending.

[eternity]

I reeeeeeally hope hes being serious.

Dead serious. This movie's dope.

[max314]

Dead serious. This movie's dope.

I cannot tell you how much I hope I end up agreeing with you.

[Skitch]

I cannot tell you how much I hope I end up agreeing with you.

Me too.

[max314]

'JUPITER ASCENDING' Rises to NUMBER ONE at the International BOX OFFICE

[Spinal]

I've heard it being called everything from "One of the worst movies ever made!" to "The second coming of Star Wars!"

This says more about the current state of internet hyperbole than it does about the movie itself.

[max314]

This movie's dope.

Without spoiling the plot, perhaps you can help me with something?

The accusation I'm hearing again and again is that the Wachowskis are picking up narrative threads and then dropping them without the necessary payoffs.

If true, this is startlingly un-Wachowski-like, considering that all of their previous films are committed to the setup-and-payoff paradigm so typical of mainstream Hollywood movies.

So what's the deal? Are the Wachowskis actually dropping plotlines? Or are audiences just not keeping up?

[TGM]

No, it's a legit ongoing occurrence throughout the movie, where seemingly important characters and plot elements are introduced, only to be just completely abandoned without any sort of resolution to them.

[Dukefrukem]

That's probably part of the "trilogy" plan- but I doubt they'll get a trilogy out of this now.

[max314]

No, it's a legit ongoing occurrence throughout the movie...

Shame.

That's probably part of the "trilogy" plan- but I doubt they'll get a trilogy out of this now.

Double shame.

Still, it might be cool to get graphic novels of the sequels.