TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!)

[bac0n]

28 Imagining What Rogue Would Look Like Naked


What It Is: Long-Standing Account In The Personal Spank Bank

Why It Makes Me Feel Like A Man: One of the watermarks of manliness is sexual hubris, that delusion that hot babes have any interest at all in allowing our penises into their vaginas. That's why guys like me hate that no-talent assclown with an adams apple the size of The Big Apple Ric Ocasek for what he did back in 1989 when he married Paulina Porizkova. We all knew that if Ric wouldn't have married Paulina, we totally would have had a shot at her.

Now, there are those of us stalwarts, however, who took it one step further - those of us who had the serious hots for comic book babes, the pinnacle of which was, at least in the late 80s / early 90s, the X-Man southern bombshell, Rogue. And I'm not talking about the teen-age Anna Paquin version you see in the movies, I'm talking about the chick with the green and yellow spandex so tight on her well-hootered body that you could make out the texture of her ribs. Yeah. If she actually existed, and if she wasn't seeing that slack-jawed swamp jerkoff Gambit, and if prolonged skin contact with her wasn't lethal, she would totally be all over me.

[bac0n]

27 Twenty Pound Sledgehammer


What It Is: The Manliest Tool Ever

Why It Makes Me Feel Like A Man: Because it's big, heavy, clumsy, and exists solely for breaking the shit out of stuff that other people built, kinda like your typical man. And not only that, using it for its intended purpose - SMASHING - usually results in shrapnel flying all over the place for bonus damage to things like walls and eyeballs. This is why the sledgehammer, along with a turnkey-style bottle opener, are the only tools you really need.

The only good part of doing those stupid honey-do household projects is the time when you get to break shit with a sledgehammer. Have you ever put a hole in wall with one of these badboys? It feels like a blowjob and sounds like Rock You Like A Hurricane. At least that's what I think it does...

[bac0n]

26 Pythons


What They Are: Kingdom Animalia, Phylum Chordata, Class Reptilia, Suborder Serpentes, Infraorder Awesomeus

Why The Make Me Feel Like A Man: FACT: They're named after muscles. FACT: When they want a steak, they frickin' swallow an entire cow. FACT: They make great belts and excellent substitutes for feather boas. FACT: They don't take no shit from nobody - pythons kept as pets have been known to kill their owners. HAHAHAHAHAHA, PWNED!

[rocus]

Once I was helping a friend remodel his house and we had to break out both of his steel bathtubs with a sledgehammer. It was fun. I mean manly.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I'm pretty sure you need to add "Will it Blend?" to your list. Watching that stuff makes me feel manly.

A sample of their work.

[bac0n]

Oh yeah, I saw a clip of him once upon a time blending an iPod. I would pay good money to see him try to blend Hulk Hogan.

[number8]

Well, now I can't disapprove of this thread.

[MadMan]

Gotta love sledgehammers. You just do. I think Joe from Family Guy should appear on this list. He's in a wheelchair but he's 100% manly in every single way.

[megladon8]

Gotta love sledgehammers. You just do. I think Joe from Family Guy should appear on this list. He's in a wheelchair but he's 100% manly in every single way.

I'll one-up you here and say that Patrick Warburton should appear on this list.

[lovejuice]

are you familiar with drmcninja? it's among the best webcomic out there. and very manly.

a sample of the work.
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or
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if interested, go check drmcninja.com

[megladon8]

That comic reminds me a lot of Danger: Diabolik!.

[Spun Lepton]

Is this the thread where I announce my love for flowers and kittens and kittens with flowers in their mouths?

[lovejuice]

That comic reminds me a lot of Danger: Diabolik!.

now i know which bava to see next!

[bac0n]

are you familiar with drmcninja? it's among the best webcomic out there. and very manly.

LOL, that is some funny stuff!

Is this the thread where I announce my love for flowers and kittens and kittens with flowers in their mouths?

No, this is the thread where I announce my love for flowers and kittens and kittens with flowers in their mouths.

[Wryan]

I am insanely curious to see if/how porn will show up on this list. Write that one carefully, sweetheart.

[Spun Lepton]

I need to know ... is the following manly?

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[bac0n]

LOL...

you fucker...

[megladon8]

now i know which bava to see next!

Indeed - it's zany psychadelic '60s fun. It's the "anti-Bond", but not in a Bourne way - more like if you took Roger Moore's Bond, and gave him acid for a week.

It has classic lines like:

"This suit is so strong, I could swim through the center of the sun!"

[Spun Lepton]

Indeed - it's zany psychadelic '60s fun. It's the "anti-Bond", but not in a Bourne way - more like if you took Roger Moore's Bond, and gave him acid for a week.

It has classic lines like:

"This suit is so strong, I could swim through the center of the sun!"

I was sad to see they chose it for the last episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

[megladon8]

I was sad to see they chose it for the last episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

That doesn't seem in keeping with their "making fun of movies that are genuinely bad" routine.

Danger: Diabolik! is meant to be totally ludicrous - it's a comedy! And in true Bava fashion, it's filled with gorgeous colours and great cinematography.

[lovejuice]

Indeed - it's zany psychadelic '60s fun. It's the "anti-Bond", but not in a Bourne way - more like if you took Roger Moore's Bond, and gave him acid for a week.

It has classic lines like:

"This suit is so strong, I could swim through the center of the sun!"

speaking of bond, i remember seeing in your sig how you rewatched the man with the golden gun recently and seem to like it more. is that so?

[megladon8]

speaking of bond, i remember seeing in your sig how you rewatched the man with the golden gun recently and seem to like it more. is that so?

It's fun.

It's stupid, but fun. It's actually pretty close in tone to Danger: Diabolik!.

[MadMan]

I was sad to see they chose it for the last episode of Mystery Science Theater 3000.

I don't remember the movie all that well but I do remember that episode and how it ended. I was sad that the show ended. MSTK rocks.

[bac0n]

25 Masturbating


What It Is: A Great Excuse To Take A Shower.

Why It Makes Me Feel Like A Man: I know we're all scoffers, but ponder this: your hand ain't gonna give you the clap, AIDS, gonorrhea, herpes or Hepatitis-C. Your hand ain't gonna tell you at the end of a heated argument over how much time you spend playing the PS2 versus how much time you spend watching Thelma & Louise with her that she missed her period. Your hand ain't gonna call you up one day and tell you that she's LEAVING YOU FOR A FUCKING SAILOR THAT SHE MET ONLINE AND HE LOVES HER FOR WHO SHE IS AND WANTS TO DO MORE THAN JUST FUCK TWENTY FOUR SEVEN AND ACTUALLY LISTENS TO HER AND BLAA BLAA FUCKING BLAA BUT JOKE'S ON YOU CUZ HE DUMPED YOU FIVE DAYS BEFORE YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE MARRIED SO WHO'S LAUGHING NOW, BITCH! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

[bac0n]

And now for the interactive portion of our list!

24 Euphemisms For Masturbating


What It Is: Low-brow humor at its finest

Why It Makes Me Feel Like A Man: There's nothing more manly than the creative pursuit of the lowest common denominators, and coming up with that zinger, that totally unique witticism to which to refer to the whimsical pursuit of jerkin' the gherkin', is the holy grail for many a man I know.

Just think of some of the classics:

• Hand Solo
• Jerkin' The Gherkin'
• Slammin' The Ham
• Polishing The Bishop
• Wrestling The Bald Headed Champion

And the list goes on. I bet there are some of you who have some real good ones to add. Lets hear 'em!