TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!)

[Benny Profane]

I must know where you found that picture, and if there are other ones like it where that one was found. That's effin' priceless.

[bac0n]

I demand to know where you found that picture, and if there are other ones like it where that one was found.

That's my sister in law, actually. That toy chainsaw she's holding was her gift to my daughter for her 3rd birthday. Of course, no sooner did my girl unwrap it than she was chasing me around the house revving the thing above her head like Leatherface. Total hallmark moment, that.

[Mara]

Because like their brethren, the axe, the shotgun and the hand grenade, they are among the honored few tools that you can use to not only get your food, but also to get the wood you're gonna need to cook that food up.

I'll bite.

How would a shotgun or a hand grenade help you get wood?

[bac0n]

I'll bite.

How would a shotgun or a hand grenade help you get wood?

It depends on what you mean by "get wood", but I'll assume you mean "get firewood".

Shotgun:

1. Aim At Tree
2. Pull Trigger

Hand Grenade

1. Pull Pin
2. Place Next To Tree
3. Run Like A Motherfucker

[rocus]

and besides, chainsaws fucking rule, man!

Yes. Yes they do.

[bac0n]

-7 Cat Dancing In A Tinfoil Suit


What It Is: A picture of a cat, photoshopped over a guy I know down in Birmingham Alabama who went to prom in a suit made of tinfoil.

Why It Makes Me Feel Like A Man: I dunno, it just does. Hey, this is my list, and I'll put on here whatever the fuck I want. You wanna put something else on a top whatever things make me feel like a man list? Make your own top whatever things make me feel like a man list, and put whatever the fuck you want on it. Does riding the lawn mower make you feel like a man? Fine, put it on the list. Does wearing a tutu and sliding across your yard on a slip & slide make you feel like a man? Go ahead, put it on the list. But this is MY list, so if I wanna put a picture of a cat, photoshopped over a guy I know down in Birmingham who went to prom in a suit made of tinfoil, then goddammit, I'm gonna put down a picture of a cat photoshopped over a guy I know down in birmingham who went to prom in a suit made of tinfoil, cuz, ya know what, a picture of a cat, photoshopped over a guy I know down in Birmingham Alabama who went to prom in a suit made of tinfoil makes me feel like a man, and last I checked, this list was the TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE ME FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!) and not the TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!) , and just think about it... how the hell would I make a TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE YOU FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!) list anyway? Hell, half of you, I ain't completely sure if you're men anyway, and boy wouldn't it be embarrassing if I were to make a TOP THIRTY SEVEN TEN THINGS THAT MAKE MARA FEEL LIKE A MAN (NSFW!) not knowing that she's a WOMAN and putting something like getting a blowjob, which I don't think women are able to enjoy, well at least not the women I know, and don't you go after me for singling Mara out, she's a nice lady, I was just using her as an example, the only other chick I know on this board is Kurosawa Fan's wife, and well she's just too AWESOME a target (not too big a target, not too EASY a target, but too AWESOME a target. Make sure you understand this important disctinction, especially if your name is Monolith94. she is definitely not too big of a target. she's totally in too perfect shape of a target, a specimen of vim and vigor. try to make that into an insult assholes!) so that would be sorta like a copout which leaves this one chick kuenephipsjakjhds or how ever the hell you say it, and fuck I don't even think she posts here any more.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, makes me feel like a man.

[Sycophant]

...

Snap?

[Benny Profane]

Beautifully fucking illustrated.

[monolith94]

the only other chick I know on this board is Kurosawa Fan's wife, and well she's just too big a target

Are you calling her fat?

[bac0n]

Are you calling her fat?

I didn't say that! What the hell is the matter with you, calling Kurosawa Fan's lovely wife FAT?

[Spinal]

Well, now you're calling her 'easy'. A slight improvement, I suppose.

[bac0n]

Well, now you're calling her 'easy'. A slight improvement, I suppose.

I GOT SERVED!

[Ezee E]

K-Fan's wife called fat and easy on one page in Match Cut, and he hasn't even defended her yet.

What a husband.

[Kurosawa Fan]

What the fuck?

[monolith94]

Liked your use of "vim and vigor". Props.

[bac0n]

What the fuck?

Okay, fixed again. Take that, perverts!

[Kurosawa Fan]

Okay, fixed again. Take that, perverts!

Are you hitting on my wife?

[bac0n]

Are you hitting on my wife?

Jesus fucking christ. I give up.

[Kurosawa Fan]

Jesus fucking christ. I give up.

:lol:

[Scar]

Are you hitting on my wife?

Thats my job.

[rocus]

-8 Mocking Other Men's Wives And Then Hitting On Them

[bac0n]

-9 Giving Rocus The Finger

[Spinal]

Men rule.

[Ezee E]

Thread. Dead.

[bac0n]

Thread. Dead.

Um. No.

-10 Pie Charts


What They Are: pictures for grown ups.

Why They Make Me Feel Like A Man: Because they allow me to give a decent powerpoint presentation, even when I don't know what the fuck I'm talking about.

Adults are the same as kids. They're dazzled by pictures, even when they have nothing to do with the story or whatever it is they're attached to. Back when I was in college, I used to pride myself in my ability to sit down the night before and churn out a total bullshit term paper, and still get an A on the thing. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact that I found ways to put pictures in them. Professors and TAs ate that shit up like chocolate covered crack.

Nowadays, I do the same on my presentations, only instead of pictures, I use pie charts. In the grand scheme of things, they're just as useless as the shit I was putting in my term papers, but the results are the same: thumbs-up from the guys in the monkey suits!



Piecharts, are ways to kinda cheat your way to better results than you really deserve, kinda like putting MSG in food. And a lot about being a man is doing just enough to get by, so it's a bonus when you have to do less than enough and not only get by, but kick ass, which is what you get with pie charts.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is the last thing I could think of that makes me feel like a man. Thanks for indulging this perverse little fantasy of mine, and I hope you got a chuckle or two out of it.