I'm giving up on this script. I've gotten to page 45 for the second time and realized that my entire setup is hugely flawed, which is probably the reason it's not working. The only answer is to begin again, but I'm tired of this script. Time to move on. I'll come back to it later. In the meantime, I'm going to start working on a new idea.
Thanks again for the notes, Mara. Your suggestions for character development will definitely be used on my next.