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Thread: Random Thoughts

  1. #46326
    Sunshine and peace Wryan's Avatar
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    Didn't get much sleep last night. Didn't help that my one dream was going on an international flight by myself where it took like an hour to get thru the airport only to realize upon sitting down that I left my only bag with all my stuff in it somewhere back down the huge line of people and my flight was leaving soon. Then I woke up and got worse 'cause I started to think of how I'd have a panic attack if that happened in real life, and then TSA would walk over and decide to feel extra fucking useless that day and start berating me and ordering me around and causing more of a scene and I'd just descend into insanity and pass out or die.
    "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"

    --Homer

  2. #46327
    Replacing Luck Since 1984 Dukefrukem's Avatar
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    Incredible.


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    Quote Quoting D_Davis (view post)
    Uwe Boll movies > all Marvel U movies

  3. #46328
    Director Scar's Avatar
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    I haven’t gotten up this early since the days of traveling for work. Brisket is out, charcoal chimney has already been lit and added to the smoker, and smoker water bath filled with boiling water.
    “I have a very busy head. I have inside voices that I have learned to contain.”

  4. #46329
    good for health Skitch's Avatar
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    Made a group for pig skin pick em again, for those interested in football. Come on, its easy to play! pw: matchcut

    http://fantasy.espn.com/nfl-pigskin-...groupID=161908

  5. #46330
    Administrator Ezee E's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Skitch (view post)
    Made a group for pig skin pick em again, for those interested in football. Come on, its easy to play! pw: matchcut

    http://fantasy.espn.com/nfl-pigskin-...groupID=161908
    JOINED

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  6. #46331
    Auto sitcom MadMan's Avatar
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    I also joined.

  7. #46332
    good for health Skitch's Avatar
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    Spoilered for length, just some life update stuff.

    [
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  8. #46333
    Moderator Dead & Messed Up's Avatar
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    I thought therapy was helping, but had an anxiety attack with minutes to go at work today. The attacks aren't terrible; they come once every few weeks, something like that, but last night I was deeply unhappy after hearing good news about a script (which I'm still processing), and today, after an especially grueling shift at work, I hurried out so I could cry in my car and do focused breathing. Resisted medication for the past four years because I know it can be hell getting off them and would really rather not start (I also hate the implicit admission that I can't resolve it through my own willpower and patience), but breathing apps and weekly meetings don't feel like they're making me feel better. Coming home fatigued every day, struggling to get anything done, stopped using dating sites. Trying to exercise. I think ahedonia is more severe than this, but it probably feels something like this. My therapist says it's depression. Makes sense.

  9. #46334
    Replacing Luck Since 1984 Dukefrukem's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Skitch (view post)
    Spoilered for length, just some life update stuff.

    [
    ]
    Seems like you've paid your dues and are now being rewarded. Congrats! Time to celebrate?

    Just Watched
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    Quote Quoting D_Davis (view post)
    Uwe Boll movies > all Marvel U movies

  10. #46335
    Replacing Luck Since 1984 Dukefrukem's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dead & Messed Up (view post)
    I thought therapy was helping, but had an anxiety attack with minutes to go at work today. The attacks aren't terrible; they come once every few weeks, something like that, but last night I was deeply unhappy after hearing good news about a script (which I'm still processing), and today, after an especially grueling shift at work, I hurried out so I could cry in my car and do focused breathing. Resisted medication for the past four years because I know it can be hell getting off them and would really rather not start (I also hate the implicit admission that I can't resolve it through my own willpower and patience), but breathing apps and weekly meetings don't feel like they're making me feel better. Coming home fatigued every day, struggling to get anything done, stopped using dating sites. Trying to exercise. I think ahedonia is more severe than this, but it probably feels something like this. My therapist says it's depression. Makes sense.
    Exercise should help. When you say try, do you just feel unmotivated? Have you pinpointed the origin of the stress? Or what you're unhappy about? Or is it a combination of things? Do you run? jog? Stairmaster? (seriously this is hugely therapeutic)

    Just Watched
    A bunch of crap until Infinity War

    Currently Playing | Played
    The Division 2 / Resident Evil 2 ★★★★★
    BFV ★

    TV Show Currently Watching | Watched
    The Haunting of Hill House ★★★★★

    Currently Reading | Read
    Fever Dream (Douglas Preseton & Lincoln Child)



    Thoughts / Youtube / Film Diary

    Quote Quoting D_Davis (view post)
    Uwe Boll movies > all Marvel U movies

  11. #46336
    Cinematographer Idioteque Stalker's Avatar
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    I recently bought a house and have since been on a personal finance kick, reading books and listening to podcasts and generally increasing my financial IQ. Are there people here who have similar DIY interests or is it uncouth to talk about such things on the internet? Not looking for deals or hot takes, just discussion of financial ideas and opinions.

  12. #46337
    Moderator Dead & Messed Up's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dukefrukem (view post)
    Exercise should help. When you say try, do you just feel unmotivated? Have you pinpointed the origin of the stress? Or what you're unhappy about? Or is it a combination of things? Do you run? jog? Stairmaster? (seriously this is hugely therapeutic)
    It's a bad combination of career anxiety, chronic hip/glute pain (which has recently pushed me out of a lot of exercise I like, per doctor's orders), and, so far, a difficulty in getting any sense of what I want in life. I don't know what I enjoy anymore. I know what can divert me for an hour or two.

    Therapy has me realizing that has a lot to do with I project all of my self-worth onto the people around me, from family and friends to strangers. So any sense of self I have is in this state of imminent collapse. Can't move forward for fear of falling down in front of everyone. Which is no way to live, obviously. Recognizing it is important, but moving past that psychology has so far felt like trying to escape quicksand.


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  13. #46338
    - - - - - Irish's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dead & Messed Up (view post)
    I don't know what I enjoy anymore. I know what can divert me for an hour or two.
    This resonated. Sometimes I wonder if my interest in movies was predicated on --- and continues to be --- a need to escape everyday life.

    You didn't ask for advice and I'm not giving it but, man, I hear ya.
    Matchcut: A vicious snowflake

  14. #46339
    - - - - - Irish's Avatar
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    Also! Congrat, Skitch, on the job.

    I obviously don't know you IRL but somehow it fits with my image of "Skitch" that you'd fall backasswards into a great career.
    Matchcut: A vicious snowflake

  15. #46340
    The Pan megladon8's Avatar
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    Very sorry to hear of your struggle, DaMU.

    I apologize if you’ve said this before and I just don’t recall, but has anxiety been a lifelong problem for you?

    I’m glad you are speaking to a therapist. If there is any advice I can give, it’s that I recommend not letting yourself get too dependent on medications. I don’t know if you are taking anything (and it’s none of my business anyways), but I had a very “pill happy” doctor on my late teens, and to this day I cannot get off the medications he put me on. I’m completely and utterly dependent on them.

    Meds can be a crutch to help you get back up, but try your best not to let them be the only way you can function normally. Unless of course you have a problem where that is required.

    Good luck, please try to remember that these times will pass, and reach out any time.

  16. #46341
    The Pan megladon8's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dukefrukem (view post)
    Exercise should help. When you say try, do you just feel unmotivated? Have you pinpointed the origin of the stress? Or what you're unhappy about? Or is it a combination of things? Do you run? jog? Stairmaster? (seriously this is hugely therapeutic)
    For people with deep depression, exercise can actually make things worse. That’s what it did for me years ago. It adds to your feelings of hopelessness, low self worth and self image, and when you are dealing with chemical depression it doesn’t release the endorphins that it does for “normal” people.

  17. #46342
    good for health Skitch's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dukefrukem (view post)
    Seems like you've paid your dues and are now being rewarded. Congrats! Time to celebrate?
    I'll celebrate when I've successfully figured the job out. I think I can though.

  18. #46343
    Moderator Dead & Messed Up's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting megladon8 (view post)
    Very sorry to hear of your struggle, DaMU.

    I apologize if you’ve said this before and I just don’t recall, but has anxiety been a lifelong problem for you?
    Past four years, although there was a lot of simmer before the boil. Thanks very much for the words on medication.

  19. #46344
    The Pan megladon8's Avatar
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    Quote Quoting Dead & Messed Up (view post)
    Past four years, although there was a lot of simmer before the boil. Thanks very much for the words on medication.
    I didn’t mean to come across “lecture-y” and I hope that’s not how it sounded. I know with mental health issues a lecture is the last thing anyone wants or needs.

    I’ve struggled with crippling anxiety / phobias my whole life, as well as suicidal depression.

    If you ever need to vent to someone who “gets it”, I’m always here.

  20. #46345
    Moderator TGM's Avatar
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    Cross posting for anyone who might not visit the creative collective thread. But I just released a new short film, and would love it if you all would check it out, and maybe let me know what y'all think.


  21. #46346
    Sunshine and peace Wryan's Avatar
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    Well a friend of mine overdosed on heroin in just the last day or so while I was out of town fleeing Florence. I purposely don't have FB on my phone, and when I got back to my computer, I saw the notices. He had had addiction problems with various opioids and no small amount of depression, and it's a terrible loss. He was a good man with a caring heart.
    "How is education supposed to make me feel smarter? Besides, every time I learn something new, it pushes some old stuff out of my brain. Remember when I took that home wine-making course and forgot how to drive?"

    --Homer

  22. #46347
    Replacing Luck Since 1984 Dukefrukem's Avatar
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    Sorry for your loss Wryan.

    Just Watched
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    The Division 2 / Resident Evil 2 ★★★★★
    BFV ★

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    Currently Reading | Read
    Fever Dream (Douglas Preseton & Lincoln Child)



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    Quote Quoting D_Davis (view post)
    Uwe Boll movies > all Marvel U movies

  23. #46348
    Moderator TGM's Avatar
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    Really sorry to hear that, Wryan. Damn shame.

  24. #46349
    The Pan megladon8's Avatar
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    Ugh, I have to fire one of my best employees.

    He took $500 out of a customer’s wallet when they weren’t looking, while they were paying for their items.

    What an idiot.

  25. #46350
    A Platypus Grouchy's Avatar
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    Damn. Do you have the theft on tape? Like, there's no doubt he did it?

    The way I see it either he did it because he strongly disliked the costumer or because he's a compulsive thief or has some sort of other expensive compulsion (cocaine, gambling, whores), either way, it's obvious he has to be fired but I'm curious why would someone do that at their own job knowing how badly it could backfire.

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