Let's Play a Game

[Qrazy]

You know how when you see a film you dislike you'll sum up the plot and character motvations/choices in a very sarcastic way in order to point out how stupid the narrative/characters seemed to you?

Well now do this with a film you either liked or love. Reduce one of your favorite films to seeming stupidity. Oh and maybe don't list the title so we can guess which film it is.

----

So I just watched this film guys... here's basically how it went...

Oh hello my name's *mumble* *mumble* I'm an incompetent bumbling fool *mumble* and can barely speak... but that's Ok but no one else in my film knows how to speak either! We all just mumble and bumble about in this modern cityscape looking like morons, because we all have the brains of geese. Isn't that hilarious! Look at what a tremendous ass I am! I keep getting in all kinds of crazy shenanigans like a restaurant opening I went to the other day where everything in the restaurant was falling apart. I bet those poor suckers are bankrupt now. Haha, oh the dry french humor of it all. I crack me up. Well I guess I'll go for a holiday by the beach now because I'm such a tremendous douchebag.

Sincerely,

H

[Boner M]

Ooh, this sounds fun.

A: Playtime.

Oh hey, I'm an inarticulate crosseyed douchebag husband and I love my wife EXCEPT FOR WHEN SHE EMBARRASSES ME ALL THE TIME WITH HER RETARDED ANTICS GODDAMMIT BITCH STOP THAT *punch* but oh man how could I treat her like this when I clearly love her so much EXCEPT FOR WHEN SHE SINGS IN FRONT OF EVERYONE AND MAKES FART NOISES FOR FUCKS SAKE STOP THAT BITCH *slap* oh my god what am I doing, why am I being such a complete asshole bi-polar lunatic GODDAMMIT THAT'S IT I'M SENDING YOU TO THE CRAZY HOUSE *whack* why oh why do I keep doing this, it's clearly me who needs to be sent there...

3 OR WHATEVER MONTHS LATER

Oh my god I've missed you so much EXCEPT FOR WHEN YOU DO THAT GODDAMMIT *roundhouse kick* aaaaargh sorry babe, i really love you, here have a band-aid, let's go to bed.

THE END.

[Qrazy]

Hehe

A: A Woman Under the Influence

*shots of wheat waving in the wind*
*more shots of wheat waving in the wind*
*wheat burns*
*Richard Gere drowns on a bullet*
*Recollections of how that wheat waved in the wind*

Fin.

[Duncan]

Days of Heaven

[Kurious Jorge v3.1]

I wrote mine in the style of your typical netflix review:

..So this douchebag guy is an author, right? And his wife just wanders around looking for nothing in particular, just pouting and looking old and frumpy as if her face got stung by one thousand bees. Later they go to some fancy schmancy party and this other bitch, who is waaaaaayy hotter than his wife starts flirting with author. Anyways, it starts raining and the wife goes off with a dude as revenge. But nothing happens. I can't remember the rest of the film, because all they did was stand around and like contemplate things or something.

[origami_mustache]

La Notte?

[lovejuice]

eye wide shut?

[rocus]

Lost in Translation

At least all the talking stuff sounds like it.

[balmakboor]

I wrote mine in the style of your typical netflix review:

..So this douchebag guy is an author, right? And his wife just wanders around looking for nothing in particular, just pouting and looking old and frumpy as if her face got stung by one thousand bees. Later they go to some fancy schmancy party and this other bitch, who is waaaaaayy hotter than his wife starts flirting with author. Anyways, it starts raining and the wife goes off with a dude as revenge. But nothing happens. I can't remember the rest of the film, because all they did was stand around and like contemplate things or something.

The Ice Storm?

[Spinal]

I think the first guess was correct.

[Spinal]

All this reminds me that I saw this film the other night and, like, the first five minutes are just this blur. It was like someone took third-rate Jackson Pollock and decided to make it a part of their film. Anyway, when it finally gets started, they say it's set in Washington, except I'm an Oregonian and this didn't look a damn bit like Washington. First of all, everyone in the damn cast sounds like A FRIGGIN' EURO! Anyway, they're doing this community theatre production and somehow they've cast this homely chick with huge glasses as the lead in The Sound of Music or Seven Brides for Seven Brothers (or some other shitty musical that I can't remember) even though she's going blind and is clearly a dimwit because she thinks that her life would be better if she was living in a musical. Obviously, the bitch didn't see West Side Story. So anyway, she's got this totally easy job at a factory, but she can't even do that right. So instead of firing her ass, which would be the logical decision, everyone humors her and starts dancing around and singing for no reason. And she totally buys it! She thinks she's totally like this Broadway star even though she's too pathetic to get a decent job with medical insurance so that she can take care of her son and HER ADULT ADHD! It was ridiculous. The editor should be shot. Oh, let's [cut] break up [cut] every single moment [cut] into [cut] pieces so that I [cut] can go to Cannes [cut] and win awards [cut] from a bunch of pre [cut] tentious French assholes!

[Duncan]

Dancer in the Dark. I think I've actually written one of these sarcastic reviews about that film in earnest.

[Beau]

... and this other bitch, who is waaaaaayy hotter than his wife...

Are you dissing Moreau? :evil:

[Kurious Jorge v3.1]

Are you dissing Moreau? :evil:

yes i am. she looks hideous in that film.

[Qrazy]

Are you dissing Moreau? :evil:

Yeah I find her appeal to be very off and on as well... she's bombing in Jules et Jim but The Bride Wore Black and others... meh.

[Beau]

yes i am. she looks hideous in that film.

Well... damn, I agree. Love her in some of her other movies, though.

[Qrazy]

Dancer in the Dark. I think I've actually written one of these sarcastic reviews about that film in earnest.

My favorite part of it was honestly the opening animation... and I don't mean that condescendingly (towards the film - although ultimately I'm not a fan of it)... I just genuinely think that opening animation is a terrific work of abstract art.