Match-Cut's Official 2014 Top 20 Countdown!

[Stay Puft]

It's finally here!

I am the stage producer of the countdown for the first time in its history, so please bear with me. Things will be a little different this year, as I've got but a small team here working quick to throw something together. And we're already so late with this as it is! Looking out over the crowd, I can see the audience has dwindled over time. But better late than never? I promised Match-Cut a show, and for the few of you still here with us, a show I will deliver.

For the official opening remarks, please welcome to the stage a filmmaker who, as Match-Cut's most discussed and celebrated filmmaker of all time, I'm sure needs no introduction...

http://i.imgur.com/kU367kU.jpg

Hello, Match-Cut.

I am Christopher Nolan, the most important filmmaker of all time. It is your honor that I am here to grace the Top 20 Countdown with my opening statement and introduce the official host for 2014. This was a great year for the cinema, as I continued to revolutionize the art form, pushing the boundaries of the audio and visual experience with Interstellar, and as such capturing the collective imagination of Match-Cut and elevating the discourse. I appreciate all of the energy you have shown in support of my cinema.

Unfortunately, there were also many films released this year that were not Interstellar. Before we bring out the host and begin the official countdown to my film, I will introduce five films that Match-Cut has selected for being especially distinguished in their having not been directed by me, Christopher Nolan.

[Stay Puft]

Presenting...

THE WORST OF 2014 (IN ALPHABETICAL ORDER BECAUSE THEY ALL PRETTY MUCH TIED)

#1. THE AMAZING SPIDER-MAN 2

http://i.imgur.com/xHr1Gby.jpg

"As it was, while not terrible, it IS a bit of a mess, and coulda greatly benefitted from [being directed by Christopher Nolan]." - TGM

"Yeah. Kind of tedious. Parts of it were [clearly not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Sxottlan

"Hoo boy, this really is [not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Henry Gale

[Stay Puft]

#2. BRICK MANSIONS

http://i.imgur.com/AHWrjj9.jpg

"B13 1 and 2 are both awesome. Glad David Belle is back. Expecting [Christopher Nolan won't direct it], hoping for [Christopher Nolan to direct it]." - Skitch

"Brick Mansions is [not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Dukefrukem

"The respects paid to Paul Walker just before the credits roll was actually almost disrespectful coming after a movie [not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - TGM

[Dukefrukem]

So far so god. I really don't think ASM2 deserves to be at on the bottom list, but I understand why MC feels that way.

[Stay Puft]

#3. THE HOBBIT: THE BATTLE OF THE FIVE ARMIES

http://i.imgur.com/IChDev8.jpg

"This was [not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Qrazy

"Repulsive. Completely and utterly repulsive. And that's just my thoughts on [Peter Jackson directing it instead of Christopher Nolan]." - Ivan Drago

"I'm watching this now, and this is horrible. At least the end is sight. Why [was this not directed by Christopher Nolan]?" - EvilShoe

[Melville]

I doubt I've seen any of the bottom 5, but the presentation is funny stuff. Nicely done.

[Stay Puft]

#4. A MILLION WAYS TO DIE IN THE WEST

http://i.imgur.com/6nXWnRL.jpg

"Seth, you [are not Christopher Nolan]." - Henry Gale

"I think this was even less [directed by Christopher Nolan than The Amazing Spider-Man 2]." - Sxottlan

"I agree with y'all about [not being Christopher Nolan] being Seth's big failure as a feature film director." - Grouchy

[Stay Puft]

#5. THE MONUMENTS MEN

http://i.imgur.com/mYE2NIT.jpg

"Deathly dull and lacking any [direction from Christopher Nolan]." - Lazlo

"Damn, this movie was [not directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Grouchy

"While I didn't mind that it was going for a Classic War feel, I did mind that it [wasn't directed by Christopher Nolan]." - Ezee E

[Lazlo]

Yay, this is fun! Thanks Stay Puft!

[Stay Puft]

http://i.imgur.com/kU367kU.jpg

And there you have it, five films not directed by yours truly. What a shame they had to exist.

Now, in the interest of not wasting anymore of my time, let's get right to it and introduce the host.

As was well publicized, physicist Kip Thorne was an advisor on my latest film, Interstellar. His theories and expertise were instrumental in helping me to craft a believable and accurate vision of the future and outer space. But while Thorne played a large role in the scientific world building of my film, crafting a strong and compelling drama required a different kind of influence. For that, I looked to a personal mentor and spiritual leader. His role was not as well publicized but was no less significant in creating the revolutionary experience that is Interstellar.

Interstellar is a subtle film. While the journey through space and wormholes and the profound effects of relativity is no doubt visceral and overwhelming on the surface, the film is really about love. It is about the power of the human heart and the connection we all share. In order to get in touch with this side of my story, I looked to my dear friend, who has been communicating with fifth dimensional beings for years now. Through him, I was able to use their guidance in the construction of my screenplay. I truly believe no filmmaker has done this before.

My friend, and your host for the 2014 Match-Cut Top 20 Countdown, is about to transmit the experience of the absolute. Ladies and gentlemen, it is my privilege to present... ZARATHUSTRA!

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

Thank you, Nolan.

Hello, Match-Cut. I am Zarathustra. For those who do not know, I am the founder of 5th Dimensional Healing. I spent years travelling the world, seeking truth and knowledge, and eventually I came to the realization that that which we seek resides in our own hearts. I was guided by entities that at first were mysterious to me, but eventually identified themselves as my 5th Dimensional Guides. They granted me X-Ray vision, gave me the power to perform psychic surgery, and also transformed my right hand into a High Frequency Transmitter, through which I am able to share downloads from the fifth dimension. As such, I knew I had been chosen to save our world and lead people to a brighter future.

We are at a crucial stage in the development of our collective spirituality, and 5th Dimensional Healing provides a clear path forward. Using my access to fifth dimensional quantum space, I will build a bridge to your inner wisdom and connect you to the Source Energy, removing all obstacles preventing you from experiencing your true Self. Many people have already received my healing. Here is a testimonial, for those who doubt my words:


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L9V2c7bwGEA

It is time for healing, Match-Cut. It is time to open our hearts to the power of love. Today, we will meditate on the 20 best films of 2014, as voted for by you, the community of Match-Cut. Together, we will commune with our 5th Dimensional Guides and achieve third eye activation, transcending our consciousness to the fifth dimension.

So come, join me, and let us all hold hands as we begin the Top 20 countdown!

[Stay Puft]

20.

THE WIND RISES

http://i.imgur.com/XxO0Nnm.jpg
"Wave goodbye to Studio Ghibli, little Japanese boy..."

MATCH: Best Miyazaki film. Best film ever. Best thing ever. - Watashi

CUT: Personally, I thought this was pretty weak, especially by Miyazaki's usual standards. There's nothing very dramatic about the protagonist's quest to build planes since no one in the film strongly opposes the modernization of Japan. Indeed, there isn't even any internal conflict, as he's resigned to the idea that the planes he designs will be used to kill people, and the romantic subplot struck me as flat and uninspired--a blandly retrograde notion of what a marriage should be rather than believable relationship (as opposed to the bickering parents in Ponyo on a Cliff by the Sea). - baby doll

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

Caproni had actually flown a plane through a wormhole and was communicating with Jiro from the future, using gravity to enter his dreams and share the LOVE of AVIATION in order to help the Axis powers win the war and make the world a better place. I may have been drunk when I planned this one.

[Stay Puft]

19.

FORCE MAJEURE

http://i.imgur.com/CDRNsIV.jpg
"I can't believe I cashed in my Wyndham Rewards points for this..."

MATCH: So good. Its study of relationship strains is razor sharp, and I can't think of a better examination of masculinity. The suffocating emotional stress and humiliation is brutal. And I loved the narrative structure, the visual and aural motifs, and the camera's oscillation between cool distance and inescapable proximity to the drama, all of which lace that drama with irony. - Melville

CUT: I'm sure the Hollywood remake will be an improvement. - No one ever

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

I used gravity to create that avalanche from thousands of years in the future, in order for Tomas to confront his true Self, and for the whole family to examine and strengthen the five dimensional bonds of LOVE that exist between their three dimensional HEARTS. Or at least that's my excuse. You can't prove it was me.

[Stay Puft]

17. (tie)

THE GUEST

http://i.imgur.com/KkKjNMy.png
A real hero and a real human being.

MATCH: The whole thing is done with so much assured homage-filled polish and such a strong arsenal of fabulous subversions of low-fi '80s thriller conventions that there are very few stretches that it doesn't give you something to be completely in awe of simply aesthetically. Then you also get everything else going on in it, with so much gorgeously crafted tension to boot. It knows exactly what it is, and wouldn't be caught dead playing it anything but completely straight. - Henry Gale

CUT: I didn't want to vote until I had a chance to see it again, but unfortunately a second viewing did not change my mind. I saw it back at TIFF with the Midnight audience and never felt so out of touch in my life. The audience ate it up, but I sat there thinking, okay, it's a pastiche of a bunch of genre stuff, who cares? I felt like I had completely missed the proverbial boat here, but watching it again... I guess I'm just not this film's audience. - Me

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

I placed Adam Wingard in a tesseract so he could access all of his favorite movies at the same time, creating the ultimate genre film: a bulk of all possible genres, rotating through them one at a time in a three dimensional cinematic brane, blowing the minds of any non-quantum spectator and thus cementing Wingard's legacy as the greatest filmmaker of all time. Warning: If you are a two or one dimensional being, do not watch this movie. You will only be able to see it as one genre, beginning to end, and it will probably bore you to death.

[Stay Puft]

17. (tie)

SNOWPIERCER

http://i.imgur.com/8D2R0b2.jpg
"I can't believe it's not babies!"

MATCH: Loved it all. The whole journey is something that seems pretty traditional in story-telling, yet seems more original than anything in Sci-Fi in years. Never knowing what's behind a door, the potential for violence at any second, and the slow reveal of the world instead of force-feeding it in the first five minutes made this intriguing from beginning to end. - Ezee E

CUT: I would say the fact that literally anything could be behind the next door (and immediately forgotten once the characters move on to the next car), that premises introduced early on are arbitrarily reversed later in the film, and that another round of violence might erupt at any second (the violence in this movie has the mechanical regularity of sex in a porno) is what makes this such a shambling mess of a movie, a mishmash of off-the-shelf elements (a bit of Terry Gilliam here, a touch of the Wachowskis there) that never cohere and which gets progressively less interesting as it goes on. - baby doll

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

I used gravity to transmit the plans for the Snowpiercer's engine back through time to Minister Wilford. He thought he had been chosen to save the world, but I actually just needed the Snowpiercer to ensure those two kids would end up in that precise spacetime coordinate at the end of the movie. I chose them to save the world. Spoiler alert: Fifth dimensional beings are actually future polar bears.

[Dukefrukem]

See this is why I need to write more about the movies I see. So they can be featured in MC's lists like this. Love it.

[Lazlo]

The Wyndham Rewards and babies jokes were a lovely way to start my Monday.

[Stay Puft]

16.

DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

http://i.imgur.com/17ApcYo.jpg
"Holy shit, I'm the most convincing special effect I've ever seen."

MATCH: Incredible. This film elevates this franchise to my favorite new genre series. Gorgeous looking, fantastic acting, tense action, and expertly made. Also, the best special effects I've ever seen. Can't wait for the 3rd. - D_Davis

CUT: This was so bad, I don't even, huh? 4 stars? This was the laziest piece of crap CGI spectacle I've seen since Godzilla. Bland white male human protagonist, check. Bland, utterly perfunctory female sidekick, check. Token wife monkey having a child, check. Bland, perfunctory, boring teenager, check. Irrationally angry guy. Token black guy. I don't even remember any of their names. Caesar is the only interesting character whatsoever and that's almost entirely due to knowing his backstory from the immensely superior first film. - Milky Joe

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

Milky Joe's post actually arrived on your forum via a wormhole, from another point in the multiverse in which Hollywood is conquered by monkeys and token wife monkeys become a lazy cliché and this movie is called Dawn of the Planet of the Monkeys and is directed by Monkey Reeves. I don't know who put that wormhole there. It was probably a leftover from when we transferred your forum out of the Berenstein timeline. We won't use vBulletin again. Sorry.

[Stay Puft]

13. (epic 3-way tie)

EDGE OF TOMORROW

http://i.imgur.com/F4DZOKB.jpg
"Okay, now remember everything I taught you... up, up, down, down, left, right, left, right, B, A..."

MATCH: For run-n-gun sci fi, this was extraordinary. Shockingly good. I was surprised that Cruise allowed himself to be shown in a negative light, and just how dark the humor was. They built a lot on top of a tired premise and a derivative idea. - Irish

CUT: I can't believe I'm the only nay-sayer on this. It is so generic and half-hearted. Solid entertainment for 2/3rds, but the last act is a complete bore. - transmogrifier

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

I went back in time to prank one of my college roommates by using the alien technology seen in this film to make him loop every time he failed the Turbo Tunnel in Battletoads. Unfortunately, he never beats it. And that's why we had to scrap the Berenstein timeline. Sorry again.

[Stay Puft]

13. (epic 3-way tie)

THE TALE OF THE PRINCESS KAGUYA

http://i.imgur.com/QOIDhik.jpg
Note: Kaguya died on her way back to her home planet.

MATCH: It's amusing to watch American animators throw themselves into knots coming up with convoluted solutions to modernizing princess stories (such as Brave or Frozen). They try to have their cake and eat it too, creating characters that occupy the world of fairy tales and yet sometimes speak with dialogue that sounds influenced by articles from HuffPost Women. By contrast, this film is so graceful and poignant, speaking to contemporary concerns about the burdens of femininity with a rich tale that has the power of myth. There was a point towards the end where I felt the place where an American film would have doubled back for a crowd-pleasing ending. And it was thrilling to realize that this Japanese film team was not bound by such pressures and expectations. The animation style evokes a storybook and there are moments in which the emotional context of the tale alters the form of expression. It's exhilarating when it happens. But mostly this film works because it is able to succinctly capture the truth around how one young girl is cherished, idolized, manipulated and misunderstood by those around her. - Spinal

CUT: none. apparently everybody here loves this movie.

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

The snow glows white on the mountain tonight, not a single footprint to be seen. A kingdom of isolation, and it looks like I'm the queen. The wind is howling like the swirling storm inside. Can't keep it in, heaven knows I've tried. Don't let them in, don't let them see, be the good girl you always have to be. Conceal, don't feel, don't let them knooooooow. Well now they know.

Let it go. Let it go. Can't hold me back anymore. Let it go. Let it goooooooo. Turn away and slam the door.

I'm never going back. The past is in the paaaaAAAAAAAST.

LET IT GO! LET IT GO! I AM ONE WITH THE WIND AND SKY.

LET IT GO! LET IT GO! YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME CRY.

LET IT GO! LET IT GO! AND I'LL RISE LIKE THE BREAK OF DAWN.

LET IT GO! LET IT GO! THAT PERFECT GIRL IS GONE.

[Stay Puft]

13. (epic 3-way tie)

TWO DAYS, ONE NIGHT

http://i.imgur.com/tejidIr.jpg
"The truth is, I'm not really sure I can ever top my performance in The Dark Knight Rises."

MATCH: Something I really like: a lot of people have really inadequate understanding of what depression is and have a hard time seeing a depressed character in films because the illness tends to make them passive, whereas fiction usually demands protagonists to be active. This film, however, shows us that she has little kids who will be homeless if she doesn't do this, making it a battle between her own well being and her maternal responsibility, without resorting to the problematic "beat depression by getting yourself together to snap out of it!" trope that stories about sad people typically devolve into. It actually uses her depression as the basis of her heroism, which I thought was very clever. - number8

CUT: none. apparently everybody here loves this one, too.

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

The Dardennes are renowned physicists in the fifth dimension, having crafted many popular studies of the quantum bonds of LOVE that exist between all living things, often charting the traumatic experiences that ensue in third dimensional space when those bonds collapse into non-quantum states. The Dardennes perform these studies using a special multidimensional camera that endlessly follows its subjects from behind through the entirety of spacetime. They've won so many prizes for their groundbreaking work you have to use a tesseract to see all of them.

[Spinal]

Note: Kaguya died on her way back to her home planet.

Hee hee. :)

[Dukefrukem]

Most overrated movie of the decade: DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

[Dead & Messed Up]

Most overrated movie of the decade: DAWN OF THE PLANET OF THE APES

I'll save this kind of comment for when Birdman wins.

[Stay Puft]

12.

NIGHTCRAWLER

http://i.imgur.com/BH0ss5W.jpg
"Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Video Production News, Rick."

MATCH: Nothing to add that hasn't already been said in the thread. - Dukefrukem, getting quoted anyways

CUT: Mild nay. In the end, it's all too one-note, starting with a fully formed sociopathic individual and then just escalating his actions for our amusement (with a poorly sketched sidekick to provide a conveniently organized cap on it all). The branch involving Russo and her network is tired and pointless - we don't need more scenes of a hard-headed executive being heartless while a couple of bland side characters look uncomfortable and mutter some things about ethics and morals. It would have been more effective to just sideline the news stations as faceless middlemen and find a connection between Gyllenhaal and the actual news audience who drives the ratings. - transmogrifier

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

You're probably wondering at this point, so yes, we are responsible for the events in Donnie Darko. No, we don't understand what happened, either. We were pretty fucking high at the time. Gyllenhaal's career at least continued on in the Primary Universe, that much is obvious, but I'm pretty sure by now that we misplaced Richard Kelly's career in the Tangent Universe. I don't know if Kelly has been asking around or not, but if anybody sees him, let him know that was our bad.

[Stay Puft]

11.

WE ARE THE BEST!

http://i.imgur.com/YJsg9Nl.jpg
"Fuck this countdown! Fuck Match-Cut! We're still the best film of 2014!"

MATCH: The most entertaining film I saw at TIFF, quite easily, but also a smart and gentle film. It has the utmost respect for its characters, for their youthful, counterculture rebellion, and for everything about them that is naïve and inexperienced. It respects the processes by which these youths attempt to discover themselves and forge identities. It's ridiculously funny, it's full of energy, it's sad and touching and beautiful and uplifting and amazing. - Me

CUT: Like Spinal notes, the lack of stakes in this are the main hindrance in elevating my reaction to this film. It's basically a series of vignettes, but there's so little at stake, or rather so little forward momentum, that it undercuts how strong the achievement of the film is. In some ways, that means that the film remains character-based rather than plot-based, like Whiplash's conclusion, but the finale of that film remains tense and climaxes; this one just wraps up. - dreamdead, who still liked the film


http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

This film is the gold standard by which all films are judged in the fifth dimension. It is the ultimate expression of LOVE and LIFE and the BEAUTY of all things in our multiverse and the EMPATHY we must learn to share, to embrace our ONENESS in the Source Energy. And it didn't even crack your top ten? Get fucked, Match-Cut. I'm going back to Rotten Tomatoes.

[transmogrifier]

I could have been anti-Kaguya as well. Missed opportunity.

[Stay Puft]

Hmm, I couldn't find anything. I could barely find any discussion of the film at all (even the thread for it in the 2014 subforum has only three replies; and there were no nay votes).
Anyways, forum search fail, sorry.

edit - Or did you forget to tell us all that you hated it? :)

And I wanted to move through this faster, but this coincidentally turned out to be a really busy week (I also forgot my mom was visiting, ha). So my apologies and bear with me a little longer. I'll start the Top 10 tomorrow, and should be able to finish this off by the weekend.

[transmogrifier]

Yeah, it was my missed opportunity. I didn't hate it, it was just kind of boring.

[Stay Puft]

10.

WHIPLASH

http://i.imgur.com/mHU1YeB.jpg
"I have tried my very best to get through to you by being gentle and patient, but clearly the only thing you respond to is force! So I am ordering you to play the shit out of those drums!"

MATCH: This was terrific. Tense as fuck. When Simmons and Teller aren't on screen together, it becomes serviceable, but those moments are very sparse. - Watashi

CUT: I don't really get the praise. Sure, J.K. Simmons is stellar, that Reed Richards Jr. kid is great and that's a memorable montage of Caravan, but the story is glorified Hollywood bullshit. An extended Pai Mei training sequence set to drums. I mainly take issue with the assumption that this little prize-seeking movie is saying anything at all meaningful about art, personal sacrifice or the search for perfection. It's just a manipulative drama which only works until it becomes unintentionally funny, which happens often. - Grouchy

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

True story: There were originally six dimensions in our universe, but this one time during a battle of the bands contest at my old high school, our sixth-dimensional drummer played a drum solo so amazingly epic he completely obliterated the sixth dimension and instantly reduced the bulk to five. We were promptly disqualified, but it was definitely worth it.

[Stay Puft]

9.

GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

http://i.imgur.com/Yvy8RKW.png
"I'll make them pay, Conrad..."

MATCH: I think Gunn may have outdone Whedon here. Exceptional character design; believable effects by contemporary digital-age standards; and a deft mix of self-awareness and gravitas. One of the few Marvel films that finds a way to be visually interesting in spite of Marvel's mandate of toothless homogenization. Slight? Someone point me to this treasure trove of thematically deep Marvel films. There's great character work here, and in terms of emotional richness, I'd put this up there with any of the others. It's probably my favorite Marvel. - DavidSeven

CUT: This starts off pretty strong, and the very opening promises something that is almost entirely missing from the remainder of the film. I'm glad everyone's enjoying this as a comedy, as a fun action movie, and whatever else. I could see it was making jokes and attempting funny, but somehow almost every such attempt failed to land with me. I don't know. I was excited to see this movie. - Sycophant

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

In the future, multiplexes are actually giant tesseracts in which the audience can experience the entirety of the Marvel Cinematic Universe simultaneously. Critics agree, you can't tell the difference.

[Stay Puft]

8.

THE LEGO MOVIE

http://i.imgur.com/RbWZt6y.jpg
"They made a movie about what? Is Hollywood fucking kidding?"

MATCH: This might be one of my new favorite movies. I laughed, I almost cried, I was thrilled...at times it felt as if this movie was made more so for people like me who grew up playing with Lego's than it was for kids. Especially concerning many of the jokes. Will Arnett as Batman was priceless. - MadMan

CUT: First nay? Albeit, a mixed one that only dipped into nay territory with the clunky, ideologically incoherent final act. In the end, it felt too much like it was made by/for the President Businesses in the audience. - Rowland

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

If you think stepping on a three dimensional piece of lego is annoying, try to imagine stepping on a five dimensional piece of lego. Well, don't, because it's literally not possible for a three dimensional being to imagine that, but take my word for it... well, you can't do that either, because you wouldn't have the words or concepts for this. Try to imagine what the experience is already like, for you, but remember you also experience it in a linear way at a single point in spacetime, so now imagine it's atemporal, or you know it's one step above the dimensions you can currently move through... I'm starting to realize talking to you is a waste of time.

[Spinal]

If you think stepping on a three dimensional piece of lego is annoying, try to imagine stepping on a five dimensional piece of lego.

My mind exploded.

[Stay Puft]

7.

ONLY LOVERS LEFT ALIVE

http://i.imgur.com/CsF1YGM.jpg
"Holy shit... I can't read."

MATCH: Wonderfully intoxicating, and the first hour or so -- right until Mia Wasikowska shows up and sets plot wheels a'spinnin'- -- is pretty much perfect, given to a drawling pace and luxuriating aesthetic. After Mia's appearance, the film loses some of its cool and becomes just a teensy bit more rote, though I was pleased that the Jarmusch avoids some of the more boring tangents of cop searches and the like. I should, on the other hand, mention that Mia looks amazing and handles the bitchiness of her character quite well. - dreamdead

CUT: I voted nay out of spite, because I'm pissed. I think dreamdead nailed it-- the beginning is altogether beautiful & melancholic & languid in all the right ways. Jarmusch delivers two interesting characters and all I wanted to do was spend time with them. Maybe that would have been Anne Rice meets Before Sunrise (haha, get it? Sunrise! [ed's note: don't get it, sorry]) but even still-- And then he completely shits the bed with an obvious and dull plot turn. The second half feels like the incomplete draft of another movie. - Irish

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

As a fifth dimensional being who can move through all of time, allow me to settle this once and for all: Yes, somebody else wrote Shakespeare's plays. They were in fact transmitted through time from a fifth dimensional being who fancied himself an Elizabethan playwright.

JUST KIDDING.

This was always a dumb conspiracy theory. Three dimensional beings are idiots.

[Stay Puft]

6.

GONE GIRL

http://i.imgur.com/Mxp5gu0.jpg
Leffe, Brewed by centuries. (http://www.leffe.com)

MATCH: Loved this one. - Ezee E

CUT: I disliked this one. - Izzy Black

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

In the fifth dimension, Gone Girl is but a footnote to the groundbreaking oeuvre of High Chancellor Tyler Perry, which includes such celebrated works as Survey of a Mad Black Hole, Madea's Fifth Dimensional Family Reunion, and the film that put Taraji Particle-wave Henson on the map, I Can Do Good or Bad Depending on My Quantum Position.

[Stay Puft]

5.

INTERSTELLAR

http://i.imgur.com/HpvtLDI.jpg
"We have visual confirmation... fifth dimensional beings are still using Internet Explorer."

MATCH: This was good. My friend who hates everything populist hailed it as the return of "an idealistic cinema" and "great science fiction to the big screen." I found it striking as a Midwestern sci-fi film, where Matthew McConnaughey is the ultimate progressive (surpassing even the superior public education system of the future, as well as his more childish antecedent, Roy Neary) and where the "best of humanity" are located on a single Dust Bowl farm and a tiny manned space mission through a black hole. - Bosco B Thug, and his friend

CUT: I just don't know about this. I feel like Nolan doubled down on everything Nolan-y but then brought an extra amount sturm und drang to it all. Ultimately it was too much jerk and not enough tears for me. Since it's a Nolan movie of course everything needs to be explained and reexplained but this time it is through a Texas drawl and Zimmer's score blasted to 11. His score isn't 'whoompy' thankfully but -maybe it was just my theater- goddamn was it loud. - Pop Trash

HEY ALSO: Do you guys want to discuss Batman again? I have some thoughts. - Dead & Messed Up

http://i.imgur.com/VDRxr5Y.jpg

I am receiving a transmission from the fifth dimension...

Yes, we saved you. We did all that stuff. You're welcome.

But I'll be honest: We only put that wormhole there because we wanted to meet Matthew McConaughey. We wanted to get his autograph. Who wouldn't? Beyond that it was like, whatever, it didn't really matter that much.

[Stay Puft]

http://i.imgur.com/kU367kU.jpg

And that concludes the official countdown to Interstellar!

Thank you for coming out tonight, and for your continual support of my cinema. A special thanks to my friend and mentor, Zarathustra, and of course to our 5th Dimensional Guides for communing with us tonight. We'll see you all again in 2017!

[TGM]

That really would be kind of hilariously amazing if we really did just end the list here with Interstellar like that.

[Spinal]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/1122563_zps4gwvci3w.jpg

[Stay Puft]

There seems to have been some misunderstanding between the production and our celebrity guest and host.
Apologies for the difficulties and delays.

Here, then, is the moment we've all been waiting for(?):

In what order will the following (predictable) four films appear? Will Under the Skin go for the double and grab both the Matchie and No. 1 position on the Top 20? Will Birdman steal a victory and thus steal the title of "most overrated movie of the decade" from Dawn of the Planet of the Apes?

Let's find out!

[Stay Puft]

No to the last question!

4.

BIRDMAN

http://i.imgur.com/EnghzPF.jpg

MATCH: I loved this movie. I think it's one of the greatest meldings of form, structure and concept that we've seen in a long, long time. The camera, cutting and general batshit-edness appear to be at the forefront, but I was really blown away by the film's narrative foundation. The thing just doesn't drag; it's consistently propelled forward in ways that feel effortless and new. I was far from an Inarritu guy, but he's opened my eyes here. They'd give the whole cast Oscars if this wasn't so centrally a Keaton piece. Wonderful performances. Best thing I've seen Norton do. - DavidSeven

CUT: This film felt like it was made by a bitter film student who got annoyed anytime someone talked or laughed during an arthouse film shown during Film 101. It's really pathetic how Inarritu tries to be bold by doing his best Kaufman impression, but falls flat on his face. I'm really beginning to hate this trend of filmmakers being "meta for meta sakes" with no clue how to be subtle. This film feels like a bunch of random angry notes and half-baked character profiles that don't extend beyond the page. It hits every arthouse note and it doesn't know it because it's too busy being about TRUTH and ART and other crap like that. Fuck this movie. - Watashi

[Stay Puft]

And no to the question before that!

3.

UNDER THE SKIN

http://i.imgur.com/7WC999p.jpg

MATCH: Nightmare fuel. Love it. Impeccable use of music. I'll probably develop more of an opinion on it with time, but how can you not love this just from the way it vibes? So good. - number8

CUT: This was almost as bad as Spring Breakers, Leviathan and Only God Forgives combined. - Dukefrukem

[Stay Puft]

We're almost there!

2.

BOYHOOD

http://i.imgur.com/VYLUIxG.jpg

MATCH: After watching this, I forgive Richard Linklater for Waking Life and all of his other indulgences. Does it work in every single moment? No, but it's hard to nitpick individual scenes when the cumulative experience is so deep, so powerful. Most importantly, it doesn't feel like a gimmick film. It feels like an artist going to extraordinary lengths to use the means necessary to convey specific feelings and emotions. I have to hand it to him. I can't imagine another filmmaker that could have made this film. It may or may not be one of the year's best films. But it's hard to deny it's a singular experience, and far more cohesive than I would have expected. - Spinal

CUT: It felt very long and tedious to me. Emotionally and visually flat. The protagonist is a blank the whole time, and the movie doesn't delve into his experience in any interesting way; even after three hours of watching him grow up, I felt like I didn't know him more than superficially. The final scene tells us that each moment is important, but none of the moments had any particular weight. The story just runs through them and relies on their "universality". For a Linklater exploration of everyday relationships and experiences, I prefer both Before Sunset and Before Midnight. - Melville

[Stay Puft]

I'm never doing this again!

1.

http://i.imgur.com/kF1gqor.gif

MATCH: Loved this film. The museum chase sequence in particular struck a chord with me, felt very Wellesian. I simply can't understand people who don't like stuff like this. This seems just as earnest, joyful and humane as bottle rocket, with the added upside of being delightfully imaginative and creative. - monolith94

CUT: Bottle Rocket is still his best. It's the only film of his that I find sincere anymore, because it isn't so far up its own story-book-world-of make-believe ass. Anderson fell too in love with his own aesthetic, and forgot the earnest, sincere joy and humanity found in Bottle Rocket. Everything about his post-BR films seems so manufactured and disingenuous. - D_Davis

And the final list, for easy rating/complaining/whatever:

1. The Grand Budapest Hotel
2. Boyhood
3. Under the Skin
4. Birdman
5. Interstellar
6. Gone Girl
7. Only Lovers Left Alive
8. The Lego Movie
9. Guardians of the Galaxy
10. Whiplash
11. We are the Best!
12. Nightcrawler
13. (tie) Edge of Tomorrow
13. (tie) The Tale of the Princess Kaguya
13. (tie) Two Days, One Night
16. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes
17. (tie) The Guest
17. (tie) Snowpiercer
19. Force Majeure
20. The Wind Rises

[Dead & Messed Up]

Wow, upset, wtg Wes Anderson, dark horsing his way up the list and into our collective heart.

[Spinal]

I liked the ambiguous ending to this thread better.

[Dukefrukem]

Not surprised the top 3 movies MC loved are the movies I disliked.

[Grouchy]

Wow, no Inherent Vice? It Follows? The Raid 2?

[Dukefrukem]

It follows is 2015.

[Lazlo]

It Follows?

It's a 2015 US release. Maybe next year.

Solid list. So funny that all the Nolan griping that goes on around here still leads to a top-five finish to one of his most divisive films. I need to give Whiplash, Under the Skin, and Dawn of the Planet of the Apes a second look. Missing Inherent Vice and A Most Violent Year.

[Sycophant]

Thanks for putting this together, Stay Puft! I know it's a lot of work, and you made it genuinely funny, too. Much appreciated.

Was crossing my fingers, hoping a movie from the top twenty would also be in the bottom five, because I like it when that happens. But no dice.

Never forget, y'all. Match Cut isn't a hivemind.

[Ezee E]

Glad Inherent Vice didn't get much love. It's not good.

[TGM]

A shame Inherent Vice didn't get much love. It's really good.

[Winston*]

Apathetic about how much love Inherent Vice got. I haven't seen it.

[Spinal]

Apathetic about how much love Inherent Vice got. I haven't seen it.

I'm jealous!

[baby doll]

I haven't seen the film version of Inherent Vice but the book was pretty disappointing. Not only is it tamer than Pynchon at his best (of course I don't expect him to top Gravity's Rainbow); it's not even very good as a straight detective novel.

As for the films on the list, The Grand Budapest Hotel was my favourite movie of 2014, and since I'm desperately insecure about my tastes, I feel reassured that the Collective has affirmed my choice. Haters will be assimilated. Resistance to Wesness is futile. I also love Boyhood so I have no gripes with that making the list.

As much as I was impressed by Under the Skin, I can't help feeling slightly ambivalent about the film given its commercial crassness. It's weird to see a movie that blatantly co-opts narrative and stylistic tropes from the most uncommercial of filmmakers (Abbas Kiarostami in particular) and makes them mainstream by casting Scarlet Johansson as a sexy alien. (Related: Where were the votes for Adieu au langage?) Plus, all those think pieces about how feminist the movie is, and how much it did to help really ugly dudes, were serious weeny shrinkers.

I've expressed my opinions on Birdman numerous times on this site and feel no need to rehearse those arguments again. Ditto Snowpiercer and The Wind Rises. I have nothing bad to say about Gone Girl or Only Lovers Left Alive. The Lego Movie was funny but sometimes the images were too fast for me to really grasp what was happening on screen. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes was bland and forgettable. Force Majeure should've been higher. And I haven't seen Interstellar but I'm sure it sucks.

[Milky Joe]

Honored my Apes mini-rant got on here. God that movie sucked. That movie gets on the list over Inherent Vice? C'mon.

[Mysterious Dude]

I spent all of Inherent Vice looking for Thomas Pynchon's cameo. I don't remember anything that happened.

[Melville]

I watched Inherent Vice while in a daze on an overnight flight. I enjoyed it.

[Melville]

I didn't realize Grand Budapest was so well liked on here. It's so diorama-y that I never felt involved. On the other hand, I rewatched Moonrise Kingdom a while back, and that movie kills.

[Henry Gale]

Yeah, even with Inherent Vice in my Top 3, it didn't immediately hit me that it missed the cumulative list.

Still love it to pieces, though! It's one of those movies where the described misgivings from everyone I talk to about how it plays (its length, its lack of emphasis on the actual implications of the central mystery, its general hard-to-follow-ness) are major factors into the exact spell it put on me and the lasting impact it's left. The movie is Doc's frame of mind, everything is motivated by women or drugs or both, and the fact that everything unfolds the way it does despite him, that's exactly the mystery he and everyone else can't get a grip on, and the movie's shape and atmosphere entirely, beautifully reflects exactly that.

But I also totally get why people might hate it, even for other reasons.

[Stay Puft]

Since I'm sure you're all curious, Inherent Vice missed the Top 20 by a single point. :)

[Henry Gale]

Not much for me to complain about:

1. The Grand Budapest Hotel ― 9.1
2. Boyhood ― 9.4
3. Under the Skin ― 9.3
4. Birdman ― 9.5
5. Interstellar ― 8.9
6. Gone Girl ― 9.2
7. Only Lovers Left Alive ― still ain't seen :/
8. The Lego Movie ― 9.3
9. Guardians of the Galaxy ― 8.8
10. Whiplash ― 8.7
11. We are the Best! ― 9.2
12. Nightcrawler ― 8.1
13. (tie) Edge of Tomorrow ― 9.0
13. (tie) The Tale of the Princess Kaguya ― 8.9
13. (tie) Two Days, One Night ― (see Jarmusch's)
16. Dawn of the Planet of the Apes ― 8.3
17. (tie) The Guest ― 9.1
17. (tie) Snowpiercer ― 6.7 (originally, but it's been almost a couple of years now and it's grown nicely in my mind)
19. Force Majeure ― n/a too
20. The Wind Rises ― 8.6

[Briare]

I didn't realize Grand Budapest was so well liked on here. It's so diorama-y that I never felt involved. On the other hand, I rewatched Moonrise Kingdom a while back, and that movie kills.

Yes. Diorama-y is the perfect word to describe it, though I'll go a step further and say I think it's the worst thing Anderson has ever done. Though Fiennes is gold that's really about it. It kind of follows Moonrise Kingdom's lead in that it departs from earlier Anderson films and exists outside of the real world and in its own reality but I didn't find it funny in the least bit, it's characters are sketches and not the finely painted portraits of real and flawed individuals that Anderson has been giving us for nearly 20 years and the endless parade of cameos is exhausting. The love this thing got astonished me.

Not as much as the love for Under the Skin did. That movie was dreck. That's all I've seen off the list. I've got Interstellar, Boyhood and Birdman sitting at home, perhaps I'll watch them this weekend. I was worried they were just awards bait nonsense. You guys are usually pretty reliable. Just don't have the time I used to.