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Sycophant
02-13-2008, 04:40 PM
I don't read them. Do you?

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 04:51 PM
Nope.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 04:52 PM
Nope.Pity. Well, if anyone knows of any major works I'm missing here, please let me know.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:14 PM
Pity. Well, if anyone knows of any major works I'm missing here, please let me know.

I don't know of any.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 05:14 PM
I like the pictures on the covers.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:31 PM
This is a good discussion.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:33 PM
I like the covers, too. It's funny, because generally I'm not a fan of the sort of typefaces they use on romance novel covers, but they just work so well in conjunction with the art.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:34 PM
http://daypainter.com/images/2006/duncans-cove-600e.jpg

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:35 PM
http://daypainter.com/images/2006/rock-600.jpg

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:36 PM
That is a amazing.

So is "Spantasy Island."

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 05:41 PM
http://cdn.harpercollins.com/harperimages/isbn/large/7/9780061087127.jpg


That's one giant fucking seagull. Do you think he's the master of seduction?

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:43 PM
That's one giant fucking seagull. Do you think he's the master of seduction?
This is pure speculation, as I haven't read the work in question, but I think they work as a partnership.

Queue up Tenacious D's "Double Team" for further explanation.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:43 PM
It's like a giant fucking ghost seagull. Hey, that book might be cool. Maybe some demonic seagull possesses that "dude" and makes him have sex with a bunch of hot women.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:45 PM
It's like a giant fucking ghost seagull. Hey, that book might be cool. Maybe some demonic seagull possesses that "dude" and makes him have sex with a bunch of hot women.Or what if it's the other way around. What if the demonic seagull possesses that "chick" and makes her have sex with a bunch of hot men?

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 05:50 PM
Best. Thread. Ever.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:50 PM
Or what if it's the other way around. What if the demonic seagull possesses that "chick" and makes her have sex with a bunch of hot men?

Uhm, that would mean only one naked chick, and a lot of shlongs. I'd rather it be the other way around.

I mean, gay romance is cool and all, some of my best friends are gay romances, it's just not my thing.



When I was the book manager at Tower Records, I used to get solicited by publishers of gay and ebony romances all the time. Some of them were remarkable.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 05:51 PM
This thread has been viewed only 1 more time than it has posts. Let's keep up the average.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:53 PM
Uhm, that would mean only one naked chick, and a lot of shlongs. I'd rather it be the other way around. I mean, gay romance is cool and all, some of my best friends are gay romances, it's just not my thing.
Well, okay, maybe the demonic seagull possesses her to have sex with other chicks? That's not very gay. According to MSE*, anyway.

When I was the book manager at Tower Records, I used to get solicited by publishers of gay and ebony romances all the time. Some of them were remarkable.
What were remarkable? The publishers? The romances? The publisher romances?

* Mainstream erotica

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 05:54 PM
This thread has been viewed only 1 more time than it has posts. Let's keep up the average.Self-amusement is the sincerest form of something.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 05:56 PM
Perhaps the seagull is having sex with the man? That would explain the woman clutching his leg, begging him not to leave her again. Gay beastiality? Did those publishers contact you at Tower Records?

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:00 PM
Perhaps the seagull is having sex with the man? That would explain the woman clutching his leg, begging him not to leave her again. Gay beastiality? Did those publishers contact you at Tower Records?That sounds remarkable!

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:08 PM
I'm not sure if this should be posted here or in the fantasy thread, but this book has a cover:
http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51N8VC6GDWL._AA240_.jpg

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:08 PM
The bestiality sub-genre of the romance genre is an untapped market.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:12 PM
The bestiality sub-genre of the romance genre is an untapped market.What? Oh, pardon me. If I'm a little distracted, that's because I've got dollar signs in my eyes and goat haunches on my mind.

lovejuice
02-13-2008, 06:15 PM
i want to contribute to this wonderful thought-stimulating discussion by posting this cover.

http://cdn.harpercollins.com/harperimages/isbn/large/6/9780060784126.jpg

check out "gayle callen". she seems to write many such titles as THE VISCOUNT IN HER BEDROOM, THE LORD NEXT DOOR, A WOMAN'S INNOCENCE, and THE BEAUTY AND THE SPY.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:16 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5734/abewitchingseasonvm1.jpg

Jesus do I ever need an eye patch.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:17 PM
check out "gayle callen". she seems to write many such titles as THE VISCOUNT IN HER BEDROOM, THE LORD NEXT DOOR, A WOMAN'S INNOCENCE, and THE BEAUTY AND THE SPY.

From what little I can see of this guy, I certainly did not immediately come to the conclusion that he was a duke, so the disguise is at least somewhat working.

I mean, I had my suspicions, but whatever.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:25 PM
What? Oh, pardon me. If I'm a little distracted, that's because I've got dollar signs in my eyes and goat haunches on my mind.

I'm working on one right now called The Lion, the Bitch and the Whore's Robe.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:26 PM
http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/7985/spiritcatcherkx3.jpg

I'm terribly envious. I had one of those dream catchers near my bed as a child and never had that guy appear in the middle.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:28 PM
It bothers me that it is being suggested that even dullards could write properly artistic and stimulating romance novels. Were I a fan of the genre, I'd be terribly offended.

http://ecx.images-amazon.com/images/I/51QBNANMR4L._SS500_.jpg

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:29 PM
http://www.wereallydig.com/romancenovels/ow/owcovers/spiritcatcher.jpg

I'm terribly envious. I had one of those dream catchers near my bed as a child and never had that guy appear in the middle.I'm terribly envious that you are seeing awesome pictures and I am seeing red Xs.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:30 PM
http://www.wereallydig.com/romancenovels/ow/owcovers/spiritcatcher.jpg

I'm terribly envious. I had one of those dream catchers near my bed as a child and never had that guy appear in the middle.


Dream catchers work, if your dream is to be gay.

--Dimitri Martin

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:31 PM
Dream catchers work, if your dream is to be gay.

--Dimitri Martin

Where does that put Stephen King in the grand scheme of things? Or Elizabeth Hallam for that matter?

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:32 PM
I am the process of working on a critical analysis of the romance genre.

My essay is titled, What the Fuck is a "Spantasy" Island?

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:32 PM
Where does that put Stephen King in the grand scheme of things?

King of the gays?

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:38 PM
I am the process of working on a critical analysis of the romance genre.

My essay is titled, What the Fuck is a "Spantasy" Island?

It sounds so much like a fake porn title that I have a hard time believing that isn't the intention. I'm actually ashamed that I don't get it. How does a 40 year old woman know more about perverted sexual slang than me?

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:43 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5734/abewitchingseasonvm1.jpg

Jesus do I ever need an eye patch.

http://img223.imageshack.us/img223/7985/spiritcatcherkx3.jpg

I'm terribly envious. I had one of those dream catchers near my bed as a child and never had that guy appear in the middle.



Are these posts working better now?

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:45 PM
Yes. Yes, those are rocking my world.

Right after work today, I'll be swinging by Burt's Eyepatch 'n Dreamcatcher Emporium. Right after work tomorrow, I'll be knee-deep in mad hot romance.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:49 PM
Yes. Yes, those are rocking my world.

Right after work today, I'll be swinging by Burt's Eyepatch 'n Dreamcatcher Emporium. Right after work tomorrow, I'll be knee-deep in mad hot romance.

Have you forgotten the goats already?

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:52 PM
We should all get eye patches and post pictures of ourselves wearing them.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:53 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5734/abewitchingseasonvm1.jpg

Wait a second. It took three bitches to write this?

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:53 PM
We should all get eye patches and post pictures of ourselves wearing them.
I don't know if the servers around here could handle the sudden influx of THE LADIES.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:54 PM
Have you forgotten the goats already?
I lead a double (triple?) life.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 06:57 PM
We should all get eye patches and post pictures of ourselves wearing them.

I'm doing this. No question.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 06:59 PM
I'm doing this. No question.

They sell them at Rite-Aid.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 06:59 PM
I'm doing this. No question.Actually, I'm totally going to do this, too. I think I might already have one hanging around somewhere.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 07:01 PM
They sell them at Rite-Aid.

I can grab the patch and the book for inspiration all at the same store! What can't Rite Aid do?

dreamdead
02-13-2008, 07:01 PM
I am intrigued by the below picture, which confuses on multiple levels. Firstly, where's the flowy dress thingy that will hike up her legs? Secondly, where's the romance angle? All I see is wannabe cyberpunk meshed with leather. And hand-holding? Seriously? What are we, back in second grade?

http://www.booksnbytes.com/book_covers/oshea_throughacrimsonveil.jpg

And now I have contributed to the discussion. Does that mean I need to do the eyepatch thing, or do I need need so many posts in this thread to qualify?

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 07:03 PM
And now I have contributed to the discussion. Does that mean I need to do the eyepatch thing, or do I need need so many posts in this thread to qualify?

I'm pretty sure you need to send Sycophant some type of animal (preferably a goat). Please send one you aren't sentimentally attached to.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 07:09 PM
cyberpunk romance. Adds a whole new layer to jacking-in.


He deftly caressed the computer's BIOS while turning on the sentient machine's hard drive and listening to the frictionless glide of the well lubricated machine-parts.

The protruding nubbin beckoned for his touch - to touch it was to release the contents of his USB stick-drive into the either of cyberspace.

But could he trust "her," this A.I construct?

There was only one way to find out.

He had to....

Jack-in.

megladon8
02-13-2008, 07:16 PM
Didn't we already have a romance novel thread? (http://match-cut.org/showthread.php?t=285)

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 07:18 PM
Didn't we already have a romance novel thread? (http://match-cut.org/showthread.php?t=285)Why, I never! You are filthy and obscene.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 07:54 PM
cyberpunk romance. Adds a whole new layer to jacking-in.


He deftly caressed the computer's BIOS while turning on the sentient machine's hard drive and listening to the frictionless glide of the well lubricated machine-parts.

The protruding nubbin beckoned for his touch - to touch it was to release the contents of his USB stick-drive into the either of cyberspace.

But could he trust "her," this A.I construct?

There was only one way to find out.

He had to....

Jack-in.
Oh, man. I wish this market hadn't already been targeted, because I'd much rather write extensive, lavish scenes about interlocking electrical parts than... y'know, goats.

SpaceOddity
02-13-2008, 08:44 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5734/abewitchingseasonvm1.jpg

*purchases*

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:00 PM
http://img168.imageshack.us/img168/5734/abewitchingseasonvm1.jpg

*purchases*

That won't be the only thing you purchase once you see me in my eye patch, if you know what I mean. :twisted:

I mean that you'll want an eye patch of your own.

Winston*
02-13-2008, 09:05 PM
I already wear an eyepatch, mainly due to the gaping hole in my skull from where I forcibly removed my left eye with the fish scaling tool on my pocket knife.

Yeah, that's right. I cut out my own eye. For no reason whatsoever. That's just how badass I am.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:06 PM
I already wear an eyepatch, mainly due to the gaping hole in my skull from where I forcibly removed my left eye with the fish scaling tool on my pocket knife.

Yeah, that's right. I cut out my own eye. For no reason whatsoever. That's just how badass I am.

I'm afraid there has to be a badass reason for cutting out your eye in order for me to consider you badass. Better luck next time.

Winston*
02-13-2008, 09:07 PM
I'm afraid there has to be a badass reason for cutting out your eye in order for me to consider you badass. Better luck next time.
Because I can is reason enough.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:08 PM
Because I can is reason enough.

Not for me. At this point you've only achieved "ass" status for this action. You'll have to work harder to deserve a "bad" in front of that. Got anything else for me?

Winston*
02-13-2008, 09:09 PM
Not for me. At this point you've only achieved "ass" status for this action. You'll have to work harder to deserve a "bad" in front of that. Got anything else for me?

Dude, I fought a fucking dragon.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:13 PM
Dude, I fought a fucking dragon.

Oh, c'mon. You can only ride that gravy train for so long.

Winston*
02-13-2008, 09:18 PM
Machismo thwarted by a man who sells bird baths. This is a sad day for Winston*.

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:24 PM
Machismo thwarted by a man who sells bird baths. This is a sad day for Winston*.

Hey, some of those bird baths are made of concrete! And some are powered by the fucking sun, pal!

Winston*
02-13-2008, 09:31 PM
Hey, some of those bird baths are made of concrete! And some are powered by the fucking sun, pal!
When you've got a bird bath that I can power with the blood of my enemies, then we'll talk.

Raiders
02-13-2008, 09:50 PM
The true "King of the World":

http://trashotron.com/agony/images/2004/04-news/11-22-04/drake-romance.jpg

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 09:52 PM
I wonder if Dee-Dee Drake is the real name of this author?

Kurosawa Fan
02-13-2008, 09:54 PM
When you've got a bird bath that I can power with the blood of my enemies, then we'll talk.

http://www.my-mania.com/halloween/images/blood2.jpg

Start talking

Raiders
02-13-2008, 09:55 PM
I wonder if Dee-Dee Drake is the real name of this author?

It's sci-fi author David Drake's funny-fake romance novel cover. I don't think it is an actual book.

Raiders
02-13-2008, 09:56 PM
http://www.my-mania.com/halloween/images/blood2.jpg

Start talking

Your store is sick. I'm never bringing my pet hummingbird Bubba there.

Raiders
02-13-2008, 09:59 PM
Though we have been known to feed Bubba the blood of our enemies:

http://www.feed-store.com/feederphoto/PP-Feeders/pp701.jpg

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 10:02 PM
It's sci-fi author David Drake's funny-fake romance novel cover. I don't think it is an actual book.

When I become a semi-famous sci-fi author, I am going to publish a romance novel under the name Dawn Donna Davis.

Sycophant
02-13-2008, 10:08 PM
When I become a famous author, it will be because I publish romance novels as

John David Moore
of the Provo, Utah Moores. Born February 11, 1983.
Yes, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, I write smut.

Duncan
02-13-2008, 10:31 PM
http://daypainter.com/images/2006/duncans-cove-600e.jpg

This isn't a novel, it's a biography.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 10:36 PM
When I become a famous author, it will be because I publish romance novels as

John David Moore
of the Provo, Utah Moores. Born February 11, 1983.
Yes, Grandma, Grandpa, Mom, Dad, I write smut.

You should corner the Mormon Romance niche.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 10:37 PM
This isn't a novel, it's a biography.

Okay then, what the hell is a Spantasy?

megladon8
02-13-2008, 10:40 PM
Okay then, what the hell is a Spantasy?


To fantasize about Duncan in spandex?

Duncan
02-13-2008, 10:54 PM
Okay then, what the hell is a Spantasy?

I rowed freshman year, so I walked around campus wearing spandex all the time. At one point our shell capsized and I got swept out to sea only to land on an island I dubbed Spantasy Island, mostly because I was so impressed by my own attire. I spent my days hunting squirrels and turning their skins into moccasin boots, and met a lovely maiden who enjoyed touching canvases, but had no paint. Turns out it was actually just Long Island, and that I had absorbed some toxins that caused hallucinations and abnormally fast hair growth. Also, the maiden was an HIV positive heroin addict who died a few weeks later. So it goes. My thrilling tale was captured in glorious detail by the venerated author Tami Oyler.

Duncan
02-13-2008, 10:55 PM
To fantasize about Duncan in spandex?

Hey, I swear I thought of spandex first.

D_Davis
02-13-2008, 11:11 PM
I rowed freshman year, so I walked around campus wearing spandex all the time. At one point our shell capsized and I got swept out to sea only to land on an island I dubbed Spantasy Island, mostly because I was so impressed by my own attire. I spent my days hunting squirrels and turning their skins into moccasin boots, and met a lovely maiden who enjoyed touching canvases, but had no paint. Turns out it was actually just Long Island, and that I had absorbed some toxins that caused hallucinations and abnormally fast hair growth. Also, the maiden was an HIV positive heroin addict who died a few weeks later. So it goes. My thrilling tale was captured in glorious detail by the venerated author Tami Oyler.

Sounds plausible.

megladon8
02-14-2008, 01:01 AM
Hey, I swear I thought of spandex first.


:)

Great minds think alike!

Sycophant
03-29-2008, 05:46 PM
We should all get eye patches and post pictures of ourselves wearing them.
http://whatnot.bombdotcom.net/shit/meeyepatch.jpg

I would have taken it standing on the beach, wearing an open linen top, clutching the bosoms of some breathy beauty, but I was fresh out of all three.

D_Davis
03-30-2008, 01:19 AM
Awesome!

I forgot about this....

Must get an eye-patch!

dreamdead
03-30-2008, 04:49 PM
Great pic, but please tell me you don't own all of those dvds personally. I'm kinda scared about how you can afford them.

Sycophant
03-30-2008, 06:44 PM
Great pic, but please tell me you don't own all of those dvds personally. I'm kinda scared about how you can afford them.Uh, yeah... I kind of do own them--that's a little less than half of my collection you can see behind me. And, yeah, I got myself into all kinds of crazy debt over them and worked 60, 70 hours a week for about a year and sold my car to get away from that debt. Ell oh ell.

But I know meg and iosos both have more than me!

Mara
08-26-2009, 05:42 PM
I am deeply, deeply offended that a thread this awesome took place without me.

Sycophant
08-26-2009, 05:50 PM
You should've been posting more 1.5 years ago.

Kurosawa Fan
08-26-2009, 05:53 PM
I remember this being a very fun way to spend my work day. I still owe you all a pic of me with an eye patch. This thread has gone from being funny, to filling me with shame.

Sycophant
08-26-2009, 06:05 PM
Fun ways to spend your work day often leave one filled with shame.

Even though it's been a year and a half, I keep hoping someone else will join me in the eyepatch picture posting.

Mara
08-26-2009, 06:06 PM
You should've been posting more 1.5 years ago.

So, you're saying that it's my fault that you're impatient? Think it through carefully.

Sycophant
08-26-2009, 06:08 PM
Mara, you have no idea the number of my faults I've taken to blaming on you.

Mara
08-26-2009, 06:12 PM
By the way, I read romance novels in high school, secretly. Many, many romance novels. Ha! Good times.

Sycophant
08-26-2009, 06:14 PM
It just occurred to me that, when this thread took place, I didn't know much of anything about Twilight at all.

Mara
08-26-2009, 06:19 PM
It just occurred to me that, when this thread took place, I didn't know much of anything about Twilight at all.

Twilight is not a romance. It is a young adult fantasy novel. Let's be clear here.

Sycophant
08-26-2009, 06:21 PM
According to my friend who worked at Borders, the Twilight series was the gateway drug that led every young and middle-aged woman in Utah county to romance novels.

Mara
08-26-2009, 06:24 PM
It's because it got them all revved up and then didn't deliver on sex. (Until the fourth book, and it was pretty discreet.) The womenfolk got all titillated. That's why we shouldn't be taught to read. It sullies us.

Dukefrukem
08-26-2009, 08:54 PM
*Understood*

Sycophant
08-28-2009, 12:08 AM
That most the image links in this thread no longer work is a tragedy.