G.I. Joe

[EvilShoe]

Dennis Quaid and Arnold Vosloo have joined director Stephen Sommers' G.I. Joe (http://www.comingsoon.net/films.php?id=36593) cast, according to Variety and IESB.net.

Quaid will play General Hawk, the grizzled team leader, and Arnold Vosloo will play Zartan, a mercenary who works with Destro and Cobra. The action-adventure, coming to theaters on August 7, 2009, is scheduled to shoot next month in Los Angeles.

The two join the previously-announced Channing Tatum (Duke), Ray Park (Snake Eyes), Marlon Wayans (Ripcord), Joseph Gordon-Levitt (Rex), Rachel Nichols (Scarlett), Sienna Miller (The Baroness), Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje Heavy Duty), Said Taghmaoui (Breaker) abd Byung-hun Lee (Storm Shadow) in the live-action feature.

Lorenzo di Bonaventura, who is coming off Transformers, is producing with Brian Goldner. Latter is the point person for Hasbro's venerable action figure line. Sommers and partner Bob Ducsay are also involved in producing capacities. Stuart Beattie wrote the most recent script draft.Q: With a cast like this, how can the movie fail?
A: Stephen Sommers.

[Morris Schæffer]

The GI Joe headquarters will be relocated from Brussels to the USA for the movie. What's wrong with Brussels? Damn, can you imagine Sommers shooting on location and laying waste to our capital?

tagline: Muscles from Brussels

[[ETM]]

How can this even work unless it's on the Speed Racer level of seriousness?

[MadMan]

This could be good, campy fun that pays homage to the old series and the spirit of G.I. Joe. Or it may end up being a terrible film that rapes everything that was good about G.I. Joe. I'm worried it will end up being the later, especially since Sommers is not a good director.

[Spinal]

... everything that was good about G.I. Joe ...

Gotta admit, I'm coming up blank.

[Sycophant]

I haven't seen any of Sommers's filmography beyond the first two Mummy pictures (and I haven't seen them in over five years), but I've long thought people have been too hard on them. Also, I'm completely detached from the G.I. Joe franchise, the appeal of which has always baffled me. Sommers's grand commercial spectacle and camp inclinations could serve the material well.

[D_Davis]

Gotta admit, I'm coming up blank.

Scarlet was hot, and Snake Eyes and Stormshadow were ninjas.

[D_Davis]

I haven't seen any of Sommers's filmography beyond the first two Mummy pictures (and I haven't seen them in over five years), but I've long thought people have been too hard on them.

The Mummy films are harmless fun. Perfect films to watch on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon.

[Sycophant]

The Mummy films are harmless fun. Perfect films to watch on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon.^^ Actually how I saw the first one.

[Rowland]

Did anyone play the G.I. Joe game for the NES? The first one, not its terrible sequel, The Atlantis Factor. That game rocked so fucking hard.

[megladon8]

I like the Mummy movies, but, god-damn, Van Helsing is a steaming piece of shit.

[number8]

Van Helsing was so much better than any of the mummy movies it ain't funny.

[Scar]

As long as Storm Shadow gets more screen time then he did in the animated movie.

[Acapelli]

Van Helsing was so much better than any of the mummy movies it ain't funny.
nah

[Winston*]

Deep Rising's where it's at.

[dreamdead]

Deep Rising's where it's at.

Damn you, Winston*, I had successfully suppressed my memory of seeing this crapper.

::shakes fist angrily::

::remembers you can shoot electricity from fingers::

::backs away slowly::

[Wryan]

I love me a Stephen Sommers dogshitpile, but no interest in this.

[[ETM]]

I'd rather rewatch Deep Rising than any of the Mummy flicks... it's just batshit crazy.

[MadMan]

Gotta admit, I'm coming up blank.Its G.I. Joe man. It speaks for itself :P


The Mummy films are harmless fun. Perfect films to watch on a lazy, rainy Sunday afternoon.Pretty much. I avoided Van Helsing like the plague, and Deep Rising was just awful. Really freakin' bad.

[Ezee E]

I never thought I'd read the words that Van Helsing is better then The Mummy. Something must be wrong.

[Morris Schæffer]

Van Helsing was excruciating. I definitely prefer The Mummy, but Brendan Fraser is no competition for a firepower-brandishing Treat Williams.

There was a G.I. Joe arcade game by Konami that was kinda wicked.

http://www.klov.com/game_detail.php?game_id=7872

[Kurosawa Fan]

This project really reminds me of the old show in that I was indifferent to it as a kid, and I'm totally indifferent to this project now. They've done well tapping into my nostalgia.

[bac0n]

Damn you, Winston*, I had successfully suppressed my memory of seeing this crapper.

You didn't like Deep Rising? You must not have watched it correctly. :crazy:

[number8]

I never thought I'd read the words that Van Helsing is better then The Mummy. Something must be wrong.

With me around, truth will never die.

[MadMan]

You didn't like Deep Rising? You must not have watched it correctly. :crazy:So apparently if you watch it a certain way the film isn't a big annoying lame piece of shit? Gotcha :P

[Scar]

So apparently if you watch it a certain way the film isn't a big annoying lame piece of shit? Gotcha :P

Cocaine's a helluva drug.

[bac0n]

So apparently if you watch it a certain way the film isn't a big annoying lame piece of shit? Gotcha :P

Yeah, that's pretty much about it.

[Sxottlan]

First photos of Snake Eyes:

http://comingsoon.net/nextraimages/snakeeyes1.jpg

http://comingsoon.net/nextraimages/snakeeyes2small.jpg

And if the pictures disappear again, here's a link:

http://www.comingsoon.net/news/movienews.php?id=43162

[Henry Gale]

Brendan Fraser and Theodore "Dwayne Johnson" Rock may have been aded to the cast. Link (http://www.latinoreview.com/news/fraser-gung-ho-for-g-i-joe-and-the-rock-to-get-shipwrecked-4331)

I don't really care too much about the movie aside from the cast looking extremely impressive (Christopher Eccleston and Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje especially sealing the deal), but I gotta say, if they make Fraser and Johnson look anything like those cartoon comparison pictures in that link, we may just have the movie of the year with this.

[Watashi]

http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/photos/gijoe/gijoe36.jpg

More here (http://www.worstpreviews.com/media.php?id=1039&place=shots).

Man, this is going to be so bad. :lol:

[megladon8]

Brendan Fraser and Theodore "Dwayne Johnson" Rock may have been aded to the cast. Link (http://www.latinoreview.com/news/fraser-gung-ho-for-g-i-joe-and-the-rock-to-get-shipwrecked-4331)

I don't really care too much about the movie aside from the cast looking extremely impressive (Christopher Eccleston and Adewale Akinnouye-Agbaje especially sealing the deal), but I gotta say, if they make Fraser and Johnson look anything like those cartoon comparison pictures in that link, we may just have the movie of the year with this.


Where are you getting "Theodore" from for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's name?

[Acapelli]

Porkchop sandwiches!

[Henry Gale]

Where are you getting "Theodore" from for Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson's name?

The kids just call him "The" for short.

It was a bad joke.

[megladon8]

The kids just call him "The" for short.

It was a bad joke.


Ah, OK.

My fault...went right over my head.

[Ezee E]

http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/photos/gijoe/gijoe2.jpg
I don't know...

http://www.worstpreviews.com/images/photos/gijoe/gijoe11.jpg
Yeah... It's going to be so bad.

[Morris Schæffer]

Yeah, it's so obvious from those pictures. I mean, how can anyone not see it?

[Scar]

Can we have that awesome opening song from the animated movie?

[bac0n]

When the hell is Sgt. Slaughter going to be added to the cast? Sheesh!

[Dukefrukem]

fail

[number8]

Porkchop sandwiches!

I'm going to give the movie a 10 on JPP if they have Mr. Eko go "Who wants a body massage?" in the movie.

[megladon8]

New character photos...


Storm Shadow:

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/4690/stormshadowsv7.th.jpg (http://img503.imageshack.us/my.php?image=stormshadowsv7.jp g)


Baroness:

http://img301.imageshack.us/img301/7884/baronesszq9.th.jpg (http://img301.imageshack.us/my.php?image=baronesszq9.jpg)


Breaker:

http://img123.imageshack.us/img123/2919/breakerif7.th.jpg (http://img123.imageshack.us/my.php?image=breakerif7.jpg)


Destro:

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/5328/destroid7.th.jpg (http://img503.imageshack.us/my.php?image=destroid7.jpg)


Heavy Duty:

http://img123.imageshack.us/img123/9471/heavydutyry1.th.jpg (http://img123.imageshack.us/my.php?image=heavydutyry1.jpg)

[Dukefrukem]

even more photos

LOL @ Dennis Quaid

http://videoeta.com/images/news/gi_joe_pics/hi-res/hawk.jpg

http://videoeta.com/images/news/gi_joe_pics/rip.jpg

http://videoeta.com/images/news/gi_joe_pics/scarlett.jpg

http://videoeta.com/news/2509

[rocus]

Where is Destro's silver head? Is this pre-accident or something? Are they really going to tell my why he has a metal head?

[Scar]

New character photos...


Storm Shadow:

http://img503.imageshack.us/img503/4690/stormshadowsv7.th.jpg (http://img503.imageshack.us/my.php?image=stormshadowsv7.jp g)




*weeps softly*

[Scar]

Where is Destro's silver head? Is this pre-accident or something? Are they really going to tell my why he has a metal head?

Wiki:

Born in Callander, Scotland (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Callander), Destro’s full name is James McCullen Destro XXIV, and is Laird of Castle Destro in the Scottish Highlands. The Destro clan has designed and sold weapons for centuries, and Destro is the head of their current incarnation: M.A.R.S. (Military Armament Research Syndicate). He wears a mask forged from Beryllium Steel, a tradition dating back to the English Civil War (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/English_Civil_War), when an ancestor of his was caught selling weapons to both sides. Forced to wear a steel mask for his crimes (neither side wanted to execute the ancestor because they still wanted the weapons he sold), the Destro clan has since turned it into a symbol of pride, passing it down from father to son for over 20 generations.

[Rowland]

I can already imagine how most of the Walter Chaw review will read for this. Hmm.... half star?

[Morris Schæffer]

Some dude, this is the same dude from the Trek thread btw, went to a Paramount screening of a bunch of things, Including the new GI Joe:


we saw a number of unfinished scenes including introductions to Duke, The Baroness and Snake Eyes. We also saw a computer generating scene which acted as a story board for the eventual filming. There was a scene where the baroness comes home to France and we got to see the mansion, another scene where a member of GI Joe is captured by COBRA, Chris Eccleston and Arnold Voslo both look on form. Finally we saw a scene which involves a MASSIVE car chase and the eventually toppling of the Eiffel Tower. The film itself look like typical Steven Sommers schtik, massively enjoyable, Sienna Miller looks amazing but I do not think it will fare well with critics, action is very stylised from the scenes I saw, the character development is terrible, Marlon Wayans in particular looked bad!!

I spoilertagged that because it involves something major happening to a European landmark.

And I'd like to say that Vosloo, Quaid and Eccleston is really damn awesome!

[Dukefrukem]

sounds like fun.

[Winston*]

That spoilered thing is hilarious for several reasons.

[number8]

That spoilered thing is hilarious for several reasons.

Team America is one of them.

[Skitch]

Team America is one of them.

HA! I forgot about that...I need to watch that again.

[Watashi]

http://www.slashfilm.com/wp/wp-content/images/gijoecharacters-440x297.jpg

LOL at Joseph Gordon-Levitt as "The Doctor" (aka Cobra Commander).

[megladon8]

I want a trailer.

[number8]

Is Stephen Sommers trying to rival Bush in being the worst thing to happen to the military?

[Ezee E]

Yikes.

[megladon8]

They look like action figures.

[Scar]

They gotta use the theme from the animated movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JU44140bO-M

[NickGlass]

I don't know if I've said this before, but...Channing T!

[Morris Schæffer]

FOOTAGE!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EPyvqbjOIM&fmt=22

It's really short though so don't get your hopes up.

[Scar]

It might actually work....

[megladon8]

Some of those action scenes look like they're ripped directly from Transformers.

[Dukefrukem]

FOOTAGE!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6EPyvqbjOIM&fmt=22

It's really short though so don't get your hopes up.

even better.. the leaked Super Bowl Trailer (http://www.atomicpopcorn.net/gi-joe-superbowl-trailer-hits-the-net/)

I have to admit... that looks pretty cool.

[Ezee E]

even better.. the leaked Super Bowl Trailer (http://www.atomicpopcorn.net/gi-joe-superbowl-trailer-hits-the-net/)

I have to admit... that looks pretty cool.
...

[Scar]

...

I retract my previous comment.

[Kurosawa Fan]

Boy, that couldn't have looked worse. And I mean that sincerely. In my brain, I don't think I could have imagined a worse trailer.

[Ezee E]

Also. Channing Tatum and Joseph Gordon-Levitt will have worked with each other for the third time in this movie.

Give these guys a buddy movie!

[Dukefrukem]

I don't know how you guys are giving this so much hate by that 30 second spot. I expect it to be equally as entertaining as the Mummy. And I expect ninjas to be jumping off everything that moves and maybe some ninjas that even look like mummies.

[Ezee E]

I don't know how you guys are giving this so much hate by that 30 second spot. I expect to it be equally as entertaining as the Mummy. And I expect ninjas to be jumping off everything that moves and maybe some ninjas that even look like mummies.
...

[Morris Schæffer]

I retract my previous comment.

But, but it has a collapsing Eiffel Tower!! Surely in the same league as monkeys in the "makes-any-movie-worth-seeing" stakes.

But I could be catastrophically wrong!

[Kurosawa Fan]

I don't know how you guys are giving this so much hate by that 30 second spot. I expect to it be equally as entertaining as the Mummy. And I expect ninjas to be jumping off everything that moves and maybe some ninjas that even look like mummies.

The CG people flipping around crashing cars was enough for me. Had I only seen that five second clip, I would have cashed in my chips and walked.

[Watashi]

It's G.I. freakin' Joe.

I don't know why we are having this debate.

Anyway, I'm seeing this, Transformers 2, and Dragonball all opening night.

[Stay Puft]

Anyway, I'm seeing this, Transformers 2, and Dragonball all opening night.

Hell yeah.

And add The Legend of Chun-Li for the complete set. :cool:

[Dukefrukem]

Hell yeah.

And add The Legend of Chun-Li for the complete set. :cool:

Now that movie is going to be fun.

[DavidSeven]

Why does this look more like Ra's al Ghul's League of Shadows than G.I. Joe?

[[ETM]]

Christopher Eccleston? Hmmmm...

[number8]

I agree with this observation:


Gotta love Hollywood rational: "Hey Snake Eyes is a really popular character. Lets make everyone else look and move like him too!"

[Sxottlan]

"It looks like a go job for Snow Job!"

[Watashi]

Trailer (http://www.slashfilm.com/2009/04/30/gi-joe-the-rise-of-cobra-movie-trailer/)

Wow. It actually looks worse than Van Helsing.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I should've stopped when it said "From the director of The Mummy".

[Stay Puft]

The French are pretty upset... :lol:

This is going to be some kind of incredible.

[DavidSeven]

It's almost like Stephen Sommers is proud that his films are known to have the WORST CGI EVER. Seriously. WTF was that?

[megladon8]

Why is it that Stephen Sommers gets these phenomenal budgets for his movies, and every time he releases a movie it's like the quality of the CGI actually regresses.

[Sven]

I couldn't finish watching.

[EvilShoe]

Worst looking summer movie of the year.
Impressive.

[[ETM]]

Eccleston and Quaid sounded bored. Who wouldn't, with lines like that...

[Skitch]

Removed. Dammit.

[Ezee E]

Not THAT bad of a trailer really.

[Skitch]

I quite enjoyed it. Looks like silly fun.

[Dukefrukem]

Here's another host of the trailer. The special effects do look like crap.

http://io9.com/5234899/new-gi-joe-trailer-stuffed-with-rockets-suits-nanomites-and-other-splodey-new-toys

This movie needs more ninjas.

[[ETM]]

Not THAT bad of a trailer really.

Heh, I was watching the Transformers 2 trailer, and thinking "How is this much better than the G.I. Joe trailer?"

[Ezee E]

;158182']Heh, I was watching the Transformers 2 trailer, and thinking "How is this much better than the G.I. Joe trailer?"
Pretty much.

[number8]

;158182']Heh, I was watching the Transformers 2 trailer, and thinking "How is this much better than the G.I. Joe trailer?"

Really? Come on, really?

I'm sure it seems that way if you only consider the fact that both are trailers for big, dumb, splodey movies--but I like to think that even the composition of explosions and the editing of trailer money shots have an inherent art in them. The Transformers trailer has a sense of pacing to it and the shots are actually well-placed and exciting. The GI Joe trailer is a bunch of random destruction, annoying flashes and ends with a really terrible rotating shot that's in slow motion so it can show off two weakass CGI people doing silly-looking somersaults.

[[ETM]]

Both of the films don't interest me enough to go into detailed analysis of the trailer structure. Of course Transformers is better, but not as much as the pants creaming seems to imply. It's still gonna be crappy, less so than G.I. Joe, but still just a more expensive pile of Bay dung. I'm probably gonna see it some time, which is definitely not true for G.I. Joe, but still...

[DavidSeven]

Has anyone made a "GI Joe? More like CGI JOE" joke yet? If not, dibs.

[[ETM]]

Has anyone made a "GI Joe? More like CGI JOE" joke yet? If not, dibs.

I'll see you, and raise you one "Average CGI Joe".

[number8]

Somebody more proficient than me in video editing needs to re-edit this trailer with "America, Fuck Yeah"

[EvilShoe]

I've changed my mind, this looks hilarious (http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/396026/exclusive-gi-joe-the-rise-of-cobra-clip-paris-attack.jhtml).

[Dukefrukem]

I've changed my mind, this looks hilarious (http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/396026/exclusive-gi-joe-the-rise-of-cobra-clip-paris-attack.jhtml).

Not enough ninjas.

[[ETM]]

The CGI looks almost as good as a video game cutscene. And love the rampant homoerotic subtext.

[Ivan Drago]

The only way I will see this movie is if the line "Knowing is half the battle!" is said...by anyone.

[MadMan]

I've changed my mind, this looks hilarious (http://www.mtv.com/videos/movies/396026/exclusive-gi-joe-the-rise-of-cobra-clip-paris-attack.jhtml).That's my sole reason for seeing it. It will be one of the funniest movies of the year.

[number8]

The only way I will see this movie is if the line "Knowing is half the battle!" is said...by anyone.

I'm willing to bet it is.

[Dead & Messed Up]

I don't get why Marlon Wayans looks at a human-shaped suit with a human-sized helmet designed for humans to wear, and asks what it accelerates.

Uh, potatoes, Marlon. It accelerates potatoes.

[megladon8]

I don't get why Marlon Wayans looks at a human-shaped suit with a human-sized helmet designed for humans to wear, and asks what it accelerates.

Uh, potatoes, Marlon. It accelerates potatoes.


Because he's the book-dumb-yet-street-smart black guy!

D'uh!

[D_Davis]

I think it looks fun.

[The Mike]

I'm still stoked for this one. Do I know it's going to suck? Of course. Will it keep me from loving it like The Mummy and Van Helsing? Nope.

Although, I do wish the guy could recapture his Deep Rising glory.

[megladon8]

I'm still stoked for this one. Do I know it's going to suck? Of course. Will it keep me from loving it like The Mummy and Van Helsing? Nope.

Although, I do wish the guy could recapture his Deep Rising glory.



You love Van Helsing??

You MURRRRRRderERRR!

[Acapelli]

I think it looks fun.
same, as long as the action is amped up and dialogue is kept at a bare minimum i think it'll be fun

doubt it'll be as good as g.i. joe: resolute though

[MadMan]

I'm still stoked for this one. Do I know it's going to suck? Of course. Will it keep me from loving it like The Mummy and Van Helsing? Nope.The Mummy was good. I heard Van Helsing was awful.


Although, I do wish the guy could recapture his Deep Rising glory.Something tells me this movie will be better than that shitfest :P

[Morris Schæffer]

The only way I will see this movie is if the line "Knowing is half the battle!" is said...by anyone.

Then consider your ticket booked because it is.

And I loathed Van Helsing, enjoyed Deep Rising a little bit as well as The Mummy.

I might see GI Joe, but have zero expecations.

[Skitch]

I'm still stoked for this one. Do I know it's going to suck? Of course. Will it keep me from loving it like The Mummy and Van Helsing? Nope.

Although, I do wish the guy could recapture his Deep Rising glory.

I completely approve of this post.

[trotchky]

I think this won't be a good movie.

[Morris Schæffer]

A clip:

http://playlist.yahoo.com/makeplaylist.dll?sid=89794951&sdm=web&pt=rd

Looks crazy, but still more coherent than say, Transformers 2.

[Morris Schæffer]

Harry Knowles likes it. Some spoilers.


G.I. JOE is not VAN HELSING. It is also not the MUMMY films, nor is it DEEP RISING. In fact, it is very much Sommers’ most fun film and possibly his best work to date.

G.I. JOE starts off with a flashback to an early ancestor of Christopher Eccleston’s character – who got spanked pretty seriously for being dead set on fulfilling his family’s right to… “TAKE OVER THE WORLD”. Actually, it’s never really stated like that – and honestly, I’m not a real fan of this flashback.

That said, when we flash forward to “The Not Too Distant Future” - we meet Channing Tatum’s DUKE and Marlon Wayans’ RIPCORD. Now… I have to confess, I was terrified of these two. I’d seen Tatum in two films that I haven’t liked this year – and the first, FIGHTING – I outright hated him. GENERATION KILL was the only thing I was holding on to really. And Marlon Wayans. Oh God. If Jar Jar were a real live human, he would be Marlon Wayans. And yes, I’m aware that I like Jar Jar, but that doesn’t mean I want EXTENDED TIME WITH HIM CONSTANTLY. I was terrified by Marlon Wayans’ presence.

Well, when we get introduced to these two, they’re heading up a military convoy guarding 4 crazy dangerous high tech Gort bugs that eat everything, sort of like a warhead with miniature me’s in them. Anyway, they haven’t been weaponized yet, but Duke’s elite special forces team in 3 big Humvee things and backed up with two Apache helicopters are heading to some unknown location… When the BAD GUYS strike – led by The Baroness.

Now – this opening sequence, it is actually kind of intensely scary, but in a VERY COOL WAY! Essentially, the pre-Cobra flying ship comes swooping in, using some energy weapon to completely wipe out the Apaches – and laying scorched Earth pimp slapping of the Humvees. This ship swats the missiles fired at it out of the skies. This one segment of the film, tonally, is just so much fun. Because when you’re the best trained American Soldier… getting your ass handed to you by an enemy that makes your weapon systems seem like Bow & Arrows… that’s a new situation.

Duke has history with the Baroness in this film, don’t remember that in the series, but hey… Spock is fucking Uhura – at least they’re not treating these characters like the plastic Eunichs from which this all sprung. Duke is saved by SNAKE EYES, SCARLETT and HEAVY DUTY, who drive off the Pre-Cobras.

Before we get too much further – I have to say, I’m not a huge fan of the GI JOE cartoons, the comics were better, but the toys were incredibly fun to play with. I’ve been watching the toons recently – as I was sent the entire series of GI JOE and TRANSFORMERS a couple of weeks back – and there’s a lot of fun in the JOE cartoons, but the idea of no fatalities, the extremely corny dialogue and non-stop puns and cheesy dialogue. Well, it didn’t age as well as I had hoped.

I was expecting this movie to be far more jokey, tons of cheese and really serious eye-rolling while groaning. Instead, what I got was a fairly straight adaptation of the script, which I always thought would work as a serviceable all-ages GI JOE movie. Although, this is a bit more violent than I was expecting. Blades can cut, death does happen in this universe, but it isn’t anything out of whack with the rating. I don’t believe there’s any foul language – and all flirtation is kept in very good tastes (ahem, BAY!)

After that opening intro to the JOES and Pre-Cobras – Duke and Ripcord are taken to “THE PIT” aka GI JOE Headquarters. Which, in the not too distant future is in Egypt. Guess all this Middle East stuff works out. Anyway, THE PIT is crazy gadget cool. You know how in the comics – there were those CUT AWAY maps that showed you where various things happened. The elevator ride down to where their orientation and induction into the ranks of GI JOE… well, it is like the most inflated cool Q scene in a Bond film.

As Ripcord and Duke get tested – you get to see them doing all manners of cool JOE drills. And honestly – I could’ve just spent the entire first movie just training with these characters in THE PIT. There’s so much cool stuff in there – and as it is – we just get an extended whirlwind through it all.

Now how “goofy” is the tech of the film? It really isn’t. As a geek, I read about as many military inventions and crazy tech as I can get my hands on. So their INVISIBLE SUIT – I read that story last year in the papers. The accelerator suits, the Army has absolutely been heading in that direction. Energy weapons? Yup, they’re working on it. So this NOT TOO DISTANT FUTURE – I give it to them. And as any dog tag wearing JOE freak will attest, there’s so much tech that didn’t exist in just about every episode. That’s what I loved.

The other aspect of JOE that Duke and Ripcord get introduced to is the conceit that GI JOE is made up of the best soldiers from around the world. That was another of my favorite aspects of GI JOE. The only real problem that I have with the film is some of the design conceits. It’s almost like HASBRO ordered them to disregard all of that, so they’d have a whole new line of figures to sell. I’ve given the JOE redesign a lot of thought – and there’s a part of me that kinda agrees that it’d look a little VILLAGE PEOPLE to go with their original looks. That Scarlett has red hair and that Cover Girl was HOT – and HEAVY DUTY was no nonsense and BREAKER was cool… I was happy. SNAKE EYES – I’m still not sold on the molded look, but what Ray Park does in that suit… it’s crazy cool.

The design problems bugged me in advance on the COBRA side. In the script, I got that they were essentially doing the COBRA origin story. It isn’t till the end of the film that COBRA is actually born. So… Hopefully – if this film succeeds, as it should, we’ll get a sequel with the correct Cobra uniforms… I love that blue.

In my opinion this is a vastly superior adaptation than either of the TRANSFORMERS movies. For one, this really is a GI JOE story, not a story of a teenager with grandpa’s glasses. Here, the world is in peril in a coherent way. It isn’t just MEGATRON on a building screaming insults at a boy. But these bad guys, they seriously want to rule the world, not give life to Mountain Dew machines.

Now where there will be a divide on GI JOE is here. The fans that want a “hardcore badass GI JOE, where SNAKE EYES slips out of a shadow to slit a character’s throat as he goes all DEADPOOL-mime style through hordes of Cobra ‘red shirts’ – well, that ain’t happening here.

This film attempts to tightrope walk between that and something that is accessible to kids – and if you have a kid around the age of 9, he’ll come out of this movie like a raving lunatic. There are so many cool things that any boy that has ever turned a cardboard box into a Mach 8 vehicle or an underground drilling assault vehicle, or some permutation of those badass Drop vehicles from ALIENS… it is here. The energy weapons and what they do is crazy cool. The SHARKS (underwater vehicles) are also crazy cool. There’s a lot of that sort of thing in the film. This is the antidote for people going through gadget needs after the relaunch of JAMES BOND. Here, there’s so much coolness – that if you’re a tech-fetishist – you’re likely to smile really big.

They do delve into the whole SNAKE EYES and STORM SHADOW origin – via their childhoods training to be the men they become. Watching those kids beat the tar out of each other was pretty damn awesome – and had the least obvious CG – and just looked cool!

I’m not a particular fan of Joseph Gordon-Levitt here – mainly due to how Snidely Whiplash he is in the final act, but I do like Christopher Eccleston, and yes – he gets what you want to him to look like, but not till the very end.

There’s tons of cameos here. Lots of former Sommers performers. The only one really missing was Rachel Weisz. Dennis Quaid is a grit and smile General Hawk. Arnold Vosloo as the awesome Zartan is used sparingly, but I’m betting he plays more in the future of this series.

You know that Paris, accelerator suit stuff you’ve seen in trailers? Well, you’ve seen Slow Motion stuff. When the Accelerator suits are going in real time… oh my god, they’re so crazy fun. The way stuff goes boom, the wanton destruction, the cars that go flying… It really makes you want one. The motion is almost impossible not to giggle at – and by the end of the destructive run – I was laughing like a kid. It was so fun.

It was very much just a chase scene, but unlike any that I’ve seen. It was just crazy to watch. I can’t imagine how much loss of life is going on in this chase. All I know is it was so bad, that France has banned the JOES involved from setting foot on French soil. But Man, what a way to get banned, that’d be so much fun.

This isn’t an exact translation, but there feels like more of the spirit at play, than there was in the TRANSFORMERS movies. GI JOE doesn’t take itself deathly seriously. These guys are gung ho for stopping the bad guys, the bad guys want to blow shit up and kill people – and they do it in crazy future tech ways.

Though the scariest thing that I’ve ever seen is the concept of Mr Dark as U.S. President! Really? They elected Peron as President of the United States? Jesus that’s scary.

I was really stunned watching the film. If you’re not at least feeling this movie working after the first action sequence – there’s probably little hope for you, but to me – getting to tour JOE HQ, getting to try out new JOE tech, a crazy awesome trial run in Paris that goes huge big, then Pre-Cobra Command assault. The last act follows action in multiple locales, but while it does require that you pay attention, I really enjoyed it.

But ya know what? It IS a G.I. JOE movie and it was pretty damn cool! What makes it cool is that these are still men and women operating amazing technology that WE created ( moderately fictitiously) and that isn’t GIVEN by Aliens, Future Beings, etc. That’s what makes it cool, that and the notion that we work with a Global coalition of cool folks that are capable of crazy awesome with this stuff.

That was the dream of the G.I.JOE relaunch. Now that a lot of “HISTORY” is out of the way – hopefully the films will be unencumbered by explaining the history and we can just have JOES and COBRAS beating the boogery snot out of one another.

Of the BIG live action SUMMER films – this is one that you should have quite a bit of fun with. But now I’m really curious how hardcore JOE geeks react – along with noobs. I do know that my Commie Liberal sister (if you think I’m liberal, you really have no idea how conservative I am by comparison) – she went in wanting to hate it as Militaristic Propaganda to program our youth to “Go JOE” – but instead she came out loving how science fiction it was. How it really departs from the here and now. This is a pretty wild ride through a kinda hopeful not too distant future. More science fiction than military or war. Here's hoping we get to see S.H.I.E.L.D. vs A.I.M.!!!

[Pop Trash]

Hrmmmm...I smell a guilty pleasure for me. :)

[number8]

Interesting. This is getting some really enthusiastic reviews. LatinoReview and CHUD loved it too. Apparently it's non-stop action and carnage.

[Skitch]

I sense anticipation rising...must...keep...in...ch eck...

[[ETM]]

Um... how is this at 91% at RT? :crazy:

Are the expectations really THAT low?

[Acapelli]

they're not screening it for critics, they've just shown it to some blogs and movie websites, who would probably grade this movie better

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20090804/ap_en_mo/us_film_gi_joe

i still can't wait for this though. i have no idea how i went from total indifference to actively anticipating it

[right_for_the_moment]

this was horrendous

[EyesWideOpen]

;192033']Um... how is this at 91% at RT? :crazy:

Are the expectations really THAT low?

Now that reviewers have actually seen it, it's at 38%.

[Dukefrukem]

this was horrendous

lol a 1

[Watashi]

This is a movie made by 10 year olds for 10 year olds.

It's stupid, cheesy, and has every cliche in the book, but godsdammit, I had fun.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's performance needs to be seen to be believed.

[number8]

JGL hasn't seen the movie yet, according to his Twitter. I find that humorous.

[Watashi]

How has NickGlass not seen this movie yet?

[Acapelli]

this was horrendous
why would you even see this?

anyway, i had a lot of fun with this. a good b-grade action movie

[ContinentalOp]

This is a movie made by 10 year olds for 10 year olds.

It's stupid, cheesy, and has every cliche in the book, but godsdammit, I had fun.

Joseph Gordon-Levitt's performance needs to be seen to be believed.

Is it better than his performance as a wigger in Havoc?

[Ezee E]

Is it better than his performance as a wigger in Havoc?
Ha. That one was awesome. ALSO has Channing Tatum.

[Morris Schæffer]

Don't know if you guys read Ebert's review, but this paragraph had me in stitches:


The film is inspired by Hasbro's famous line of plastic action figures. The heroes are no longer exclusively Americans, but a multi-national elite strike force from many nations, which provides Paramount the opportunity to give top billing to an actor named Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje. And to think there was a time when Maurice Micklewhite was not considered a good name for a star.

Mr. Agbaje is Mr. Eko from Lost btw.

[NickGlass]

How has NickGlass not seen this movie yet?

Am I the resident JGL fanboy?

[number8]

Am I the resident JGL fanboy?

Channing Tatum is the star of this movie, you know.

[NickGlass]

Channing Tatum is the star of this movie, you know.

Yeah, with Channing T. and JGL, maybe it is a bit surprising that I have not seen this yet. But where's all the dancing and the class conflict?

[Acapelli]

http://blogs.amctv.com/future-of-classic/2009/08/g-i-joe-or-team-america-world-police.php

bwahahaha

[Skitch]

The reviews are correct...fun for what it was, and thats all.

[Saya]

The Ballad of GI Joe (http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041c13b/the-ballad-of-g-i-joe)

Better cast than the movie?


Laz Alonso as Doc
Alexis Bledel as Lady Jaye
Billy Crudup as Zartan
Zach Galifiankais as Snow Job
Tony Hale as Dr. Mindbender
Vinnie Jones as Destro
Joey Kern as Tomax
Joey Kern as Xamot
Chuck Liddell as Gung Ho
Julianne Moore as Scarlett
Henry Rollins as Duke
Alan Tudyk as Shipwreck
Olivia Wilde as The Baroness

and

Sgt. Slaughter as Himself
Also featuring Jamin Fite as Cobra Commander
Frankie Kang as Storm Shadow
Geoff Mann as Buzzer
Andreas Owald as Snake Eyes
Daniel Strange as Torch
Kevin Umbricht as Ripper

[Pop Trash]

ZOMG! That made my day. Thank you Saya, whoever you are. :lol:

[Derek]

The Ballad of GI Joe (http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041c13b/the-ballad-of-g-i-joe)

Better cast than the movie?

Hell yeah...and significantly more entertaining to boot!

[right_for_the_moment]

why would you even see this?

anyway, i had a lot of fun with this. a good b-grade action movie
I didn't particularly want to, but I really wanted to go to the theatres and it was the only movie that I could convince both of my roommates to go to that night

[BuffaloWilder]

So, Scarlett's character development consisted of, basically, going from:

"Emotions aren't based in science." (Oh - my god.)

to

"I feel - emotional."

That's Stephen Summers' idea of character development.

[Henry Gale]

Oh gawd, this was just terrible. The final scene with Eccleston and Gordon-Levitt is just one of the most embarassing things I've seen in a movie for some time (let alone a huge Hollywood movie with a lot of money behind it). It also needs to be said that the really bad effects displayed in the trailer probably ended up being some of the strongest in the final film. There's a shot early on where a jet flies through the desert and makes its way into the G.I. Joe base that looks almost like it could have been pre-viz footage.

In addition to the two I already mentioned, people like Adewale Akinnuoye-Agbaje (being a Lost fan allowed me to spell that from memory), Saïd Taghmaoui, Rachel Nichols and Sienna Miller don't even seem to be trying very hard, but maybe still giving the material as much as it calls for or deserves. I've seen them all quite charismatic and memorable on screen before (and in very small instances here), but some as much as some of them even end up looking like they're having a good time, none of that rubs off enough to make watching any of it anywhere close to enjoyable for a viewer like myself.

It may sound like I was expecting too much from it, but I really wasn't. I was looking for it to be entertaining and engaging in any way and for it to leave some impression other than a slight headache and a lighter pocket. But the only thing the movie does is make it seem okay for more Transformers-esque, pre-branded popcorn products to be made for hundreds of millions of dollars and look like they were made for a quarter of that and not even be half as good as the Bay movies (which I really dislike but would take any day over Sommers' work here).

At least the summer still has District 9 and Tarantino to look forward to.

[Sxottlan]

Was never much of a fan of the cartoon, but I thought this was fun.

[Acapelli]

i don't know how anyone can prefer the transformers movie to this. the lame attempts at humor were kept to a minimum and we weren't subjected to non-joe characters. sure, plot and character development were pretty much non-existent, but i wasn't looking for that in a g.i. joe movie

[Acapelli]

The Ballad of GI Joe (http://www.funnyordie.com/videos/076041c13b/the-ballad-of-g-i-joe)

Better cast than the movie?
that was awesome

[Pop Trash]

This was astonishingly bad. I kept thinking the whole time that the budget was nearly $200 million dollars and that just depresses me. I'll give it two points: one for Joseph Gordon Levitt's amusing performance and the other for the nice Zartan joke at the end.

Plus I got pulled over for speeding for the first time in my life after this movie, so by my estimation Paramount owes me $90. $10 back for my movie ticket and $80 for causing me to race home afterwards and get a speeding ticket.

[Ivan Drago]

When is "Knowing is half the battle!" said?

[BuffaloWilder]

Twice, within eight minutes, when Duke and whats-his-face are taken into the base at the beginning.

[lovejuice]

i don't know how anyone can prefer the transformers movie to this. the lame attempts at humor were kept to a minimum and we weren't subjected to non-joe characters.
sadly, i do. the good things in transformer movies are merely not enough. the good things in g.i. joe are unqualified to be called "good." perhaps lame humor is as subjective as good humor, but this movie's more uncomfortable for me to sit through.

[Dukefrukem]

FUN AS FUCK! Stephen Sommers best? More fun than the Mummy? Not sure. Gonna sleep on it. But I had a god damn blast. Perfect amount of ninjas!!!

[Derek]

Stephen Sommers best?

Isn't that akin to asking which time you got gonorrhea was the best? No offense to gonorrhea.

[Dukefrukem]

Isn't that akin to asking which time you got gonorrhea was the best? No offense to gonorrhea.

In all seriousness, how can anyone be bored by this movie? We knew what we were getting before we watched it. That goes for all of his movies. It's def better than Transformers 2. And watching this in HD, the special effects are top notch... looks way better than what I remember from the trailer.

[megladon8]

"Stephen Sommers" and "the effects are top notch" are two things I never imagined seeing in the same sentence together.

Stephen Sommers makes very, very bad movies. Van Helsing was one of the worst theatrical experiences of my life.

[Dukefrukem]

"Stephen Sommers" and "the effects are top notch" are two things I never imagined seeing in the same sentence together.

Stephen Sommers makes very, very bad movies. Van Helsing was one of the worst theatrical experiences of my life.

I agree with you. It was very bad. And the special effects in that movie were terrible. I remember the Frankenstein scene looking almost cartoonish. Then there's the crummy CGI snake monster in Deep Rising. The bad Mummy CGI in all three movies... esp the Yeti scene... but the CGI in G I Joe is great. I loved the car chase scene. I only wish Snake Eyes did more ninja movies. The worst CGI scene in Joe was the Polar bear, but that's all.

[number8]

In all seriousness, how can anyone be bored by this movie?

That's assuming that lots of movements and big scenes automatically translate to not boring. It's the reverse of assuming that when a movie is boring it must be talky and slow. There's such a thing as boring ineptness.

[Ivan Drago]

That's assuming that lots of movements and big scenes automatically translate to not boring.

Assuming must be the other half of the battle.

[Sxottlan]

You know what this movie really got right?

Bases. Oh boy did I used to love drawing bases when I was a kid. Bases with shooting galleries, armories, jet hangers and video arcades. All buried underground. G.I. Joe's base was exactly what I used to create on a daily basis.

This movie even went a step further, having an underground training lake actually above another level.

[Morris Schæffer]

In all seriousness, how can anyone be bored by this movie?

Now, I dug it enough, but I've gotta admit I can see how it might bore others. Yes, this one I can definitely understand.

[lovejuice]

"Stephen Sommers" and "the effects are top notch" are two things I never imagined seeing in the same sentence together.
i'll say, the effects in g.i. joe are the worst. in Helsing, CGIs are bad too, but at least you can argue none of us really know what dracula, frankenstein's monster, wolfman or harpies look like. in g.i. joe, even simple bullets and explosions look fake. (conceivably an HD experience might help.)


You know what this movie really got right? Bases.
even i have to agree. that base is awesome.

after giving the movie more thought, to be fair, i decide it's not the "fun part" of g.i. joe that i have problem with. it's the supposedly quaintness. not familiar at all with the original cartoon, i don't think they do a good job updated it to the new millennium. (not even acknowledged its outdated ideology like captain america.) a stuff that might have been worked twenty years ago no longer does. coupled that with bad dialogue and uninspired acting, they have a formula for disaster.

is it worse than transformer 2? to me, yes. as hard to sit through as that movie is, at least there's some degree of post-modernistic anything-goes charm.

[Dukefrukem]

You know what this movie really got right?

Bases. Oh boy did I used to love drawing bases when I was a kid. Bases with shooting galleries, armories, jet hangers and video arcades. All buried underground. G.I. Joe's base was exactly what I used to create on a daily basis.


Dude... I did the same thing. I also went through my mansion phase.