Match Cut Alternative Awards

[transmogrifier]

Best Misplacement of the No-Nudity Clause:

Marisa Tomei, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Best Match of Actress and Cheerleader Outfit:

Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Deathproof

Best Impersonation of Heat Until Totally Bizarre Buddy Bonding Scene At the End:

American Gangster

Best Sex Scene:

The side of the screen Marisa Tomei was on, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Worst Sex Scene:

The side of the screen Phillip Seymour Hoffman was on, Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Best Action Sequence:

Rescuing Julia Stiles in Morocco, The Bourne Ultimatum

Most Anti-Climatic Climax

The Bourne Ultimatum

Most Unnecessary Freddy Kruger Cameo

Sunshine

Best Random Gore

Hot Fuzz

The Jessica Rabbit Award for Most Doable Cartoon Character

Grendel's Mom, Beowulf

Great Cast, Pity About the Movie Award

Harry Potter, What, 5?


Please add your own.

[transmogrifier]

Most Overrated Cameo of the Year

Bruce Campbell, Spider-Man 3

The Most Cagiest Nick Cage Moment

The Buckingham Palace freakout, National Treasure 2

[Ezee E]

Best Performance in a Bad Movie: Sienna Miller, Factory Girl

Biggest WTF of the Year (in a good way): The end of Bug.

Biggest WTF of the Year (in a bad way) Aqua Teen Hunger Force, it started off pretty sweet, and then just went puke.

[Boner M]

Best film that nonetheless resembles Gatorade commercial: Into the Wild
Best histrionics: Ben Foster, Alpha Dog
Worst histrionics: Sharon Stone, Alpha Dog
The 'Diff'rent Strokes' child molestation episode' award for most baffling tonal shift: Last 10 minutes of Smokin' Aces
Most thrillingly 'off' scene: Monster's reveal in The Host
Best hissy fit: Casey Affleck in Jesse James
Most welcomely catatonic performance: Samuel L. Jackson, 1408
Most quotable film that I haven't seen yet: There Will Be Blood
Least quotable film I haven't seen yet: Juno

[chrisnu]

Most Unnecessary Freddy Kruger Cameo

Sunshine
Yes. Thank you!

Best Tension Build-up, Single Scene:

"What's the most you've ever lost in a coin toss?", No Country for Old Men

Runner-up: *the* scene, The Assassination of Jesse James

Best Live Musical Performance:

"Stack-o-lee", Black Snake Moan

Best Jarring Tonal Shift:

Third act of Hot Fuzz

Best use of an alcoholic beverage:

Aquavelva in Zodiac

[Rowland]

Ugliest Extras:

Gone Baby Gone

Most Ebullient Animation:

So that's what the mother has been working on, The Taste of Tea

Most Pathetic Attempt at Shock Cinema:

Hostel: Part II

Best Anti-Bush Social Commentary:

"The cloned finger of George W. Bush is raping me! And it's getting me off!" The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai

[Sycophant]

Best Anti-Bush Social Commentary:

The cloned finger of George W. Bush is raping me! And it's getting me off! The Glamorous Life of Sachiko Hanai
You said this movie was pretty bad, didn't you? Oh, well. It's not like after posting that there's any chance I won't be watching it.

[Rowland]

You said this movie was pretty bad, didn't you? Oh, well. It's not like after posting that there's any chance I won't be watching it.Yeah, it's pretty half-assed, but I suppose I should at least give it credit for being more memorable than many of the better normal movies I saw last year.

[D_Davis]

Most Overrated Cameo of the Year

Bruce Campbell, Spider-Man 3


Yes. I am sick to death of Campbell cameos.

[transmogrifier]

The 'Diff'rent Strokes' child molestation episode' award for most baffling tonal shift: Last 10 minutes of Smokin' Aces


You realise I now have to watch this movie, right? Thanks. Thanks a lot.

The Ickiest Unintended Ick Factor

Rats in the kitchen, the end of Ratatouille

Most Resolutely Unfunny Running Joke

The beard, Knocked Up

[Winston*]

You realise I now have to watch this movie, right? Thanks. Thanks a lot.

For the love of God, resist this urge.

[transmogrifier]

For the love of God, resist this urge.

But I can't just watch the last ten minutes, because then I can't appreciate the jarring tonal shift. What's a boy to do?

[Rowland]

Hottest Millionaire Police Detective:

Demi Moore, Mr. Brooks

Most Delicious Use of Human Smoothie as Means of Torture:

Captivity

Best Appearance by Art Bell for the Purpose of Conveying Exposition:

I Know Who Killed Me

The Should-I-Be-Turned-On? Award for Uncomfortable Attractions:

Nikki Blonsky, Hairspray

Best Application of CGI:

Eric Roberts sporting a ridiculously fake wig and scientifically engineered sunglasses that grant him kung-fu powers going apeshit during climactic fight sequence, DOA: Dead or Alive

[Sven]

Eric Roberts sporting a ridiculously fake wig and scientifically engineered sunglasses that grant him kung-fu powers going apeshit during climactic fight sequence, DOA: Dead or Alive

...

I now feel bad for wanting to add this to the queue.

[Rowland]

...

I now feel bad for wanting to add this to the queue.It's one of last year's better guilty pleasures. I'd recommend it to anyone who believes they may actually enjoy it.

[Sycophant]

...

I now feel bad for wanting to add this to the queue.
Embrace it!

[Sven]

Normally I don't feel bad for wanting to watch a movie. Now I kinda do, though, although Rowland, you've tempered my desire to see it a bit, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy it. Though I do love me some Eric Roberts.

[Rowland]

Normally I don't feel bad for wanting to watch a movie. Now I kinda do, though, although Rowland, you've tempered my desire to see it a bit, because I'm pretty sure I wouldn't enjoy it. Though I do love me some Eric Roberts.Weeell... if you're a fan of the Roberts, there's simply no question here.

[Rowland]

Most Provocative Renderings of Genuinely Ugly Murders:

Halloween

Most Memorable Shot of Eyes Closing:

Vanessa Ferlito before the "climax", Death Proof

Most Arresting Stretch of Pure Cinema in a DTV Horror Release:

The first few minutes of Dead Mary

The Should-I-Be-Turned-On? Award for Uncomfortable Attractions (Runner-up):

Amy Adams, Enchanted

Funniest Song Lamenting Lame-Ass College Parties:

Colma: The Musical

Niftiest Cinematography in an Inexplicable but Underrated Horror Movie:

The Abandoned

Best Use of the M83 song I Guess I'm Floating:

Broken English

Creepiest Application of Single-Frame Inserts:

Sunshine

[Boner M]

Most potent object of lust: Amara Karan, The Darjeeling Limited

[transmogrifier]

Worst Foreshadowing of a Future Plot Point

Chocolate and insulin, The Black Book

Best Performance By an American Apparel Model

James Marsden, Enchanted

Thin Man/Fat Body Award for Most Mammothly Unjustified Running Time

Pirates of the Carribbean 3

Eye on Retirement Award for Services to The Bank Account

Helen Mirren, National Tresure 2
Al Pacino, the last 3 years.

[megladon8]

I always thought the Golden Globes were about 2 steps away from having categories like this:

Best true-life crime film starring Denzel Washington and directed by Ridley Scott running more than 2 hours in length: American Gangster

Best use of movie posters for movies which don't exist, taking place in a post-Apocalyptic New York City in a movie starring Will Smith: I Am Legend


But here are some of my awards...

Best Performance by an established actor as a mindless zombie/zombie-like creature: Robert Carlyle in 28 Weeks Later

Worst case of "there should have been nudity here": TIE - sex scene in Planet Terror; lapdance in Death Proof

Best movie no-one saw: Severance

Worst movie everyone saw: Rush Hour 3

[transmogrifier]

Worst Movie Meg Thinks I Didn't See

Severance

Most Pointless Non-Chronological Structure

Before the Devil Knows You're Dead

Scanners Award for Services Towards Trying to Make Armond White's Head Explode:

Brain De Palma, Redacted

[megladon8]

Best Movie I'm Not Surprised Trans Didn't Like: Severance

:P

Man, Severance is cleaning up tonight!

[EvilShoe]

The "Jesus Christ, I can't believe this is even worse than the director's awful first feature" award

Severance

[megladon8]

Wow, I can't believe how many people hated this movie: Severance


I'm tellin' ya, guys, this movie is gonna break some records! :)

[Sven]

Tons of people here saw Severance.

[megladon8]

Tons of people here saw Severance.


I didn't know that. I hadn't really ever seen it discussed here.

Still, it flew under the radar of most filmgoers.

And I wanted to use that award but couldn't think of any other films that very few people saw and I saw/liked :)

[EvilShoe]

Tons of people here saw Severance.
Obviously Meg is talking about a different movie, because not only have many people seen the other Severance, it was also terrible.

[megladon8]

I thought Severance was one of the better horror movies I've seen in a while.

It's very clever.

But whatever, I didn't mean to hijack trans' thread.

[EvilShoe]

The "You can act??" award

Casey Affleck, Gone Baby Gone & The Assassination of Jesse James by the coward Robert Ford.

The "You just made Pritch proud" award
Ben Affleck, Gone Baby Gone

[Ezee E]

I thought Severance was one of the better horror movies I've seen in a while.

It's very clever.

But whatever, I didn't mean to hijack trans' thread.
It's pretty mediocre. The laughs are much better then the scares in the movie, with the highlights being the bazooka and the bear trap.

A poor man's Shaun of the Dead, but entertaining at times.

In other words, "Meh"

[megladon8]

I've actually found Shaun of the Dead less and less great with each repeat viewing.

I honestly thought Fido was better.

Oh and EvilShoe I will second your nomination for Casey Affleck.

His performance in Gone Baby Gone was one of the best of the year, in one of the best movies of the year.

[Boner M]

Most in need of the "30-Second Bunny Theatre" treatment: No Country For Old Men

[origami_mustache]

Best Imitiation of Rome, Open City:
The Wind That Shakes The Barley

Best Imitation of Charles Manson:
http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/uploaded_images/rd/6.jpg
Jeremy Davies in Rescue Dawn

Best use of a snake:
Rescue Dawn > The Darjeeling Limited although I love the box with the skull and cross bones.

Most homoerotic:
Eastern Promises > 300

[EvilShoe]

Oh and EvilShoe I will second your nomination for Casey Affleck.

His performance in Gone Baby Gone was one of the best of the year, in one of the best movies of the year.
He's even better in Assassination though.

[megladon8]

He's even better in Assassination though.


That's what I've heard. I so wanted to see that movie in the theatre, but I couldn't find anyone to go with and it was in theatres during the time that I didn't have my bus pass.

It'll be a blind-buy for me, definitely.

Did you see Gone Baby Gone? If so, what did you think?

[megladon8]

Best Imitation of Charles Manson:
http://www.hollywoodchicago.com/uploaded_images/rd/6.jpg
Jeremy Davies in Rescue Dawn


I would also give him the "Best performance as the same character you play in every movie" award.

:)

[transmogrifier]

I thought Severance was one of the better horror movies I've seen in a while.

It's very clever.

But whatever, I didn't mean to hijack trans' thread.

The thread is what it is. I like hijacking.

[NickGlass]

Best Use of a Velvet Underground Song:
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Worst Use of a Velvet Underground Song:
Juno

[Winston*]

I would also give him the "Best performance as the same character you play in every movie" award.

:)

Best?

[megladon8]

Best?


Huh?

[MacGuffin]

Best Use of a Velvet Underground Song:
The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Worst Use of a Velvet Underground Song:
Juno

Being a fan of their music, this worries me.

[NickGlass]

Being a fan of their music, this worries me.

There's no need to worry. Just make sure you see the former and skip the latter.

Ok? Good. You're welcome.

[Sycophant]

Being a fan of their music, this worries me.
Is it.... so cold in Alaska?

'Cause that'd be hilarious what with her name being Juno, but (as per the trailer) not like in Alaska, but it's... aw, shit.

[MacGuffin]

There's no need to worry. Just make sure you see the former and skip the latter.

Ok? Good. You're welcome.

Yes, thanks.

They were used well in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and The Royal Tenenbaums.

[NickGlass]

Yes, thanks.

They were used well in A Guide to Recognizing Your Saints and The Royal Tenenbaums.

They were fine there. My favorite use of Velvet Underground in recent memory, however, is in Morvern Callar. Talk about a mediocre film that really knows how to work its soundtrack.

[MacGuffin]

They were fine there. My favorite use of Velvet Underground in recent memory, however, is in Morvern Callar. Talk about a mediocre film that really knows how to work its soundtrack.

I haven't seen that one, but I think I saw the beginning of it. I don't have any real interest to see it either.

[Stay Puft]

Best use of Velvet Underground for my money is The Vertical Ray of the Sun.

[EvilShoe]

Did you see Gone Baby Gone? If so, what did you think?
Yeah, I did.
I like how it starts off deceptively simple, then finishes with one hell of a moral dilemma.
Strong movie.

[lovejuice]

Thin Man/Fat Body Award for Most Mammothly Unjustified Running Time


definitely grind house for me.

[Derek]

Best Use of a Duck POV shot, Duck

Most Appropriate Metaphor for How a Director Feels About Serious Actors, A Transformer pissing on John Turturro

Best Hollow Emoting, The Cast of Reservation Road

Worst Performance By a Pair of Testicles, Tony Leung's balls in Lust, Caution

Best Performance By a Pair of Testicles, Viggo Mortensen's balls in Eastern Promises

[Stay Puft]

I am disappointed to hear that Tony Leung's balls do not deliver a good performance, but cannot dispute that Mortensen's balls do formidable work.

[Ivan Drago]

Best Title Sequence: Superbad

Best Use of Gibberish: Pathfinder

Best Line by Danny Huston: "God? No God." from 30 Days of Night

Biggest Improvement in a Franchise: Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, after the dreadful Goblet of Fire

Best Use of Phil Collins: Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film For Theaters

[Torgo]

Scariest Facial Hair
Titus Welliver, Gone Baby Gone

Best Use of Blasphemy
"Jesus Herald Christ on rubber crutches," Robert Downey Jr., Zodiac

Lamest Villian
Timothy Olyphant, Live Free or Die Hard

Most convincing proof that Matrix-style bullet time should be retired
Balls of Fury

Worst portrayal of a Beatle
Jack Black as Paul McCartney, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story

Best appearance of a member of The Wire cast
Amy Ryan, Gone Baby Gone

Worst appearance of a member of The Wire cast
Dominic West, 300

Best performance by an inanimate object
The alarm clock, 1408

[Kurosawa Fan]

Best Use of Blasphemy
"Jesus Herald Christ on rubber crutches," Robert Downey Jr., Zodiac


A nod to Natural Born Killers, I believe.

[jesse]

Best Display of Unsettling Homoeroticism:
Private Property

Worst Display of Unsettling Homoeroticism:
Sleuth

Most Unsettling Utilization of Phallic Symbolism:
Help Me Eros

Most Gay Film Lacking a Gay Character:
Hairspray (and no, the appearance of John Travolta and/or Queen Latifah doesn't count)

Most Egregious Lack of Nudity:
Louis Garrel, Chansons d'amour (make a gay movie and don't take it all off? the hell?)

Most Unfortunate Use of Nudity:
Frank Langella, Starting Out in the Evening

[Ivan Drago]

Best Cameo: Bono in Across The Universe

[Rowland]

Creepiest Use of a Song Written By Dave Matthews:

Joshua

[Dukefrukem]

Most Pathetic Attempt at Shock Cinema:

Hostel: Part II



Oh man +rep

[Raiders]

Best Use of a Radiator:

Black Snake Moan

[Boner M]

Best defense of the third act elisions in No Country For Old Men:

"Well, I'm sorry, Evan, that the Coen brothers don't direct porn." - Superbad

[Ezee E]

Most Improved Director: Andrew Dominik for The Assassination of Jesse James...

[Boner M]

Most Improved Director: Andrew Dominik for The Assassination of Jesse James...
Nay, Chopper is equally good.

[Ezee E]

Nay, Chopper is equally good.
It is good, but the amount that Dominik has changed as a director as far as pacing scenes, blocking actors, and working with cinematography and dialog is so much different that I wouldn't have even thought it was the same director. I'd have figured it was somebody that has three or four great movies under his belt already.