I Heart The Onion...

[Wryan]

First Womb Transplant Planned

A team of Manhattan doctors is planning the first-ever uterus transplant. What do you think?

Randy Chern,
Chef
"Wow, I really underestimated the David Cronenberg Center For Women's Health."

http://www.theonion.com/content/amvo/first_womb_transplant_planned

[Yxklyx]

Current issue has some great headlines:

War for the Whitehouse
Jamie Lynn Spears Loses Custody Of Fetus
Man Braves Freezing Weather To Cross Parking Lot
Breaking News: Series Of Concentric Circles Emanating From Glowing Red Dot
I've Got A Lot Of Love To Barter
Report: 94% Of South Dakotans Unprepared For Mt. Rushmore Faces Coming Alive And Eating Everyone

or maybe I'm just too drunk...

[Wryan]

Report: 94% Of South Dakotans Unprepared For Mt. Rushmore Faces Coming Alive And Eating Everyone

A new classic.

[lovejuice]

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/j_k_rowling_hints_at_harry_pot ter

[D_Davis]

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/j_k_rowling_hints_at_harry_pot ter

:up:

[Yxklyx]

Today's is pretty awesome:

Stephon Marbury Embroils Celtics' Big 3 In Elaborate Shakespearean Intrigue

Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency

San Francisco Historians Condemn 1906 Earthquake Deniers

[lovejuice]

Obama Outfitted With 238 Motion Capture Sensors For 3-D Record Of Presidency
funny or not, i always find their photoshop job seamless.

[Sycophant]

Kelly's editorial cartoons are among my favorite parts of The Onion.

Most recent (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/mar-02-2009).


This one's awesome (http://www.theonion.com/content/cartoon/sep-24-2007).

[Mara]

Ha!


Hillary Clinton Launches Intimidating New Fragrance Line

CHAPPAQUA, NY—Unveiling a bold scent described by its manufacturer as "steely, bracing, and curt, with notes of patent leather, sandalwood, and wool serge," Secretary of State Hillary Clinton launched her own line of soaps, eaux de toilette, and body splashes Thursday. The new fragrance, called "Authorité," was designed to evoke the olfactory equivalent of sensible shoes clicking purposefully down a marble-tiled hallway. "Our distinguished parfumeurs—and, more importantly, Madame Secretary—have created exactly the right tone, a scent that brooks no argument," spokesperson Etienne Falbaum said. "This is a controlled, competent, and, above all, patient essence that makes men sit up, take notice, and not speak until spoken to." Advertising inserts scented with Authorité will be featured in upcoming editions of Elle, The Economist, and The New York Review of Books.

[MadMan]

I don't read The Onion enough. Some of the finest, funniest satire out there on the Web.

[Mara]

Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel


Zaiff emphasized that even the most discerning movie fans will have little choice but to watch the new film.

"And for all you snobby fucks who say you wouldn't come within a mile of this fucking movie, we've got plans for you, too," Zaiff said. "You're not safe from this shit-show. Who's your favorite actor? Frank Langella? Malkovich? How about John-fucking-Malkovich? We'll dangle so much money in front of his face he'll sell out faster than a five-dollar whore."

"Just try us," Zaiff continued. "I swear to God, I will personally dig up Stanley Kubrick's rotting corpse and attach him to this project myself if I have to."

Read the whole thing. You won't be sorry. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/vindictive_movie_studio_threat ens?utm_source=a-section)

[Wryan]

Vindictive Movie Studio Threatens To Make 'Coyote Ugly' Sequel



Read the whole thing. You won't be sorry. (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/vindictive_movie_studio_threat ens?utm_source=a-section)

Stunning.

"We are dead serious, you assholes."..."Get ready to herd your fat asses in to watch it, you fat fucks."

:pritch:

[Dead & Messed Up]

I was laughing at this one yesterday:

Sun Goes Out for a Few Seconds (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/sun_goes_out_for_a_few?utm_sou rce=a-section)

[Dead & Messed Up]

Also, the Onion article that made me cry the first time I read it.

God Angrily Clarifies "Don't Kill" Rule (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28151)

[lovejuice]

Also, the Onion article that made me cry the first time I read it.

God Angrily Clarifies "Don't Kill" Rule (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28151)
the last line is powerful. and it's actually even more relevant in retrospective.

[Sycophant]

the last line is powerful. and it's actually even more relevant in retrospective.

There was a time a couple years back that I stopped rading The Onion because it was a little too spot-on about the depressing state of the world, and basically every article was making me cry.

[D_Davis]

Also, the Onion article that made me cry the first time I read it.

God Angrily Clarifies "Don't Kill" Rule (http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28151)

That's awesome.

Reminds me of the time one of my favorite modern-day theologians said "I'm pretty sure than when Jesus said to 'love your enemies,' he meant 'don't kill them.'"

[number8]

Libertarian Reluctantly Calls Fire Department

CHEYENNE, WY—After attempting to contain a living-room blaze started by a cigarette, card-carrying Libertarian Trent Jacobs reluctantly called the Cheyenne Fire Department Monday. "Although the community would do better to rely on an efficient, free-market fire-fighting service, the fact is that expensive, unnecessary public fire departments do exist," Jacobs said. "Also, my house was burning down." Jacobs did not offer to pay firefighters for their service.

:lol:

[KK2.0]

i love The Onion, and love it even more when some noob mistakes their articles for reality.

[number8]

i love The Onion, and love it even more when some noob mistakes their articles for reality.

I love it even more when said noob is a member of the mainstream media. (http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2004/04/63048)

[trotchky]

Some recent favorites:

Should We Be Doing More To Reduce The Graphic Violence In Our Dreams? (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/should_we_be_doing_more_to_red uce)

Domino's Scientists Test Limits Of What Humans Will Eat (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/dominos_scientists_test_limits _of)

Courageous Man Refuses To Believe He Has Cancer (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/courageous_man_refuses_to_beli eve)

[KK2.0]

I love it even more when said noob is a member of the mainstream media. (http://www.wired.com/culture/lifestyle/news/2004/04/63048)

:lol:

someone should keep record of these man, it's just too good!

[Mara]

Um... dude... The Onion just went to 11.

Along with a perfectly funny article; New Netpix Service Sends Unlimited Photographs For Monthly Fee (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_netpix_service_sends_unlim ited?utm_source=a-section), they have actually set up a Netpix (http://www.netpix-online.com/#browse) website.

Must. See.

EDIT: I signed up, just to see what would happen.

[Wryan]

Wow. Those are hardcore lengths. Hilarious though. "Great" pictures of national landmarks.

[Mara]

Wow. Those are hardcore lengths. Hilarious though. "Great" pictures of national landmarks.

Critically Acclaimed Blueberry Pies.

[chrisnu]

Um... dude... The Onion just went to 11.

Along with a perfectly funny article; New Netpix Service Sends Unlimited Photographs For Monthly Fee (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/new_netpix_service_sends_unlim ited?utm_source=a-section), they have actually set up a Netpix (http://www.netpix-online.com/#browse) website.

Must. See.

EDIT: I signed up, just to see what would happen.
What kind of photographs we talkin' about. :twisted:

[Mara]

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

Smoke Monster From 'Lost' Given Own Primetime Spin-Off Series (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/smoke_monster_from_lost_given_ own?utm_source=a-section)


"And of course, you'll be hearing lots of its classic catchphrase, 'Brrrrr, chk-chk-chk-chk, muuuuuuuuuuuuaaaaaaaaaaaarrrrh hh,'" Lorre added.

[Yxklyx]

The Onion sells out to China!

http://www.theonion.com

[Yxklyx]

Really, this is one of the best things The Onion has done!

[Sycophant]

Yeah, this is pretty good stuff.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I loved the video about the missing Michigan woman.

[[ETM]]

Pure brilliance.

[Ezee E]

The Onion sells out to China!

http://www.theonion.com
Ha. Love it.


EARTH—The entire world population confirmed Friday that Houston Rockets center Yao Ming is the greatest athlete in the history of sports and a glowing symbol of what hardworking citizens may become if they remain loyal.

[number8]

Old but bloody fantastic:

http://www.theonion.com/content/node/28215

[Mara]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/maragirl/America.jpg

[Watashi]

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore?ut m_source=videoembed

I can't stop laughing.

[Dead & Messed Up]

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/is_using_a_minotaur_to_gore?ut m_source=videoembed

I can't stop laughing.

That one was killing me. Those panelists are so deadpan, it's just fantastic.

[number8]

I think working for The Onion is my dream job at this junction in life.

[Watashi]

http://www.theonion.com/content/video/americans_observing_9_11_by

[Watashi]

That one was killing me. Those panelists are so deadpan, it's just fantastic.
I must obtain that audiobook.

[chrisnu]

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke' (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teen s)

[Dukefrukem]

New Anti-Smoking Ads Warn Teens 'It's Gay To Smoke' (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_anti_smoking_ads_warn_teen s)

I died laughing at work.... "Don't be a faggot" ... out of the blue

[number8]

If God Had Wanted Me To Be Accepting Of Gays, He Would Have Given Me The Warmth And Compassion To Do So (http://www.theonion.com/content/opinion/if_god_had_wanted_me_to_be?utm _source=onion_rss_daily)

[chrisnu]

Oh, man... :lol:

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_find_a_masculine_hallow een)

[Dukefrukem]

Oh, man... :lol:

How To Find A Masculine Halloween Costume For Your Effeminate Son (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/how_to_find_a_masculine_hallow een)

That's great. :lol:

[Winston*]

Adults Go Wild Over Latest In Children's Picture Book Series (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/adults_go_wild_over_latest_in? utm_source=videoembed)

[number8]

Sumerians Look On In Confusion As God Creates World (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/sumerians_look_on_in_confusion _as)

[shaun]

Science Channel Refuses To Dumb Down Science Any Further (http://www.theonion.com/content/news/science_channel_refuses_to_dum b)

Spot on. This could just as easily have been about The History Channel turning into The Apocolypse Channel.

"I don't like it when the science people talk about things no one can even understand," said Rich Parker, an Ohio resident. "It's like, just quit your yapping and dip the chain saw into the liquid nitrogen already."

David Zaslav, CEO of the network's parent company, Discovery Communications, said he has not ruled out rebranding the Science Channel as the Stuff Channel.

[Mara]

So, so great.

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_n ew)

You must watch "Falling in Love in Denmark."

[chrisnu]

So, so great.

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_n ew)

You must watch "Falling in Love in Denmark."

:lol: Perfect.

[chrisnu]

New Law Would Ban Marriages Between People Who Don't Love Each Other (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/new_law_would_ban_marriages)

[Spinal]

Seeing Ken Griffey Jr in a Backwards Hat Now Just Depressing (http://www.theonion.com/articles/seeing-ken-griffey-jr-in-backwards-hat-now-just-de,17191/)

[chrisnu]

kYbR7os_q9k

[Winston*]

jlJdsX181QU

The casting for these things is fantastic.

[Kurosawa Fan]

kYbR7os_q9k

The best part of this clip was the teaser about the MTV scientists. :lol:

[Glass Co.]

"She's pretty for a Chinese." :lol:

[Ezee E]

Loved the title introductions on that one. And the main character is something I want to see more of.

"Gonna see more of that Tesla fellow"

[chrisnu]

Zrm7W3zGSoA

[Dukefrukem]

Best part is the end.

5xLn-X8YJRg

[Lasse]

So, so great.

Denmark Introduces Harrowing New Tourism Ads Directed By Lars Von Trier (http://www.theonion.com/content/video/denmark_introduces_harrowing_n ew)

You must watch "Falling in Love in Denmark."

Ow ow ow! I'm laughing so hard. I can't believe they even got Danish actors and used graphics that looks like what they use on our TV2 News channel.

[Mara]

Ow ow ow! I'm laughing so hard. I can't believe they even got Danish actors and used graphics that looks like what they use on our TV2 News channel.

I'd forgotten about that! Still funny. Does the news crawl at the bottom actually make sense?

[Lasse]

I'd forgotten about that! Still funny. Does the news crawl at the bottom actually make sense?

Absolutely. They're mosty very generic, like "man killed on high way" and "further killings in Afghanistan", but there's not a single spelling error, or anything that doesn't make sense. Except maybe the host's name, Rydker Svensen. That's a strange name, even by Danish standards.

[[ETM]]

I'm guessing they were trying to avoid giving him someone's name. I've noticed that the names given to "foreigners" in US productions of all kinds are either incredibly generic, or made up.

[number8]

Genius.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/study-abstinenceonly-lunch-programs-ineffective-at,2771/

[Spinal]

Rock Fans Outraged as Bob Dylan Goes Electronica (http://www.theonion.com/articles/rock-fans-outraged-as-bob-dylan-goes-electronica,17699/)


When asked later about his musical transformation by reporters, Dylan said he had nothing to say about the beats he programs, he just programs them.

[number8]

Terrific.

[Wryan]

Bound to happen.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/repeal-of-dont-ask-dont-tell-paves-way-for-gay-sex,17698/

[Kurosawa Fan]

Party Down Cancellation Reversed by FCC (http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-chairman-overturns-decision-to-cancel-party-do,17734/)

[Derek]

Party Down Cancellation Reversed by FCC (http://www.theonion.com/articles/fcc-chairman-overturns-decision-to-cancel-party-do,17734/)

Nice. If only the FCC were that useful.

This one (http://www.theonion.com/articles/uncle-greg-to-attempt-comeback-at-family-barbecue,17722/) killed me.

[Spinal]

Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is (http://www.theonion.com/articles/struggling-high-school-cuts-footballnah-just-kiddi,17728/)

[D_Davis]

Struggling High School Cuts Football—Nah, Just Kidding, Art It Is (http://www.theonion.com/articles/struggling-high-school-cuts-footballnah-just-kiddi,17728/)

This one is just too true.

One of the main reasons why I'm not really a sports guy. Always saw the arts and humanities getting cut at my schools in order to save money to help out the sports teams. Terrible.

[Kurosawa Fan]

South Africa Realizes All Its Things Were Stolen During World Cup (http://www.theonion.com/articles/south-africa-realizes-all-its-things-were-stolen-d,17744/)

:lol:

[Mara]

Fill Your Own Goddamn Emotional Void

By Food (http://www.theonion.com/articles/fill-your-own-goddamn-emotional-void,17725/)

[number8]

http://i.imgur.com/uvj9n.png

[Dukefrukem]

poor sheltered Stacy...

[number8]

Tea Party.

[Acapelli]

there are a bunch of these statuses all over facebook. why is it taking off now?

[number8]

there are a bunch of these statuses all over facebook. why is it taking off now?

I have no idea.

[Mara]

'Sliders Ended Two Seasons Too Early, If You Ask Me,' Says Sliders Creator To No One In Particular (http://www.theonion.com/articles/sliders-ended-two-seasons-too-early-if-you-ask-me,17765/)

You bet your sweet patoot I watched Sliders. The first two or three seasons, anyway.

[chrisnu]

Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze (http://www.theonion.com/video/incredibly-sexy-firefighter-tragically-dies-in-ste,17549/)

[Russ]

Incredibly Sexy Firefighter Tragically Dies In Steamy Blaze (http://www.theonion.com/video/incredibly-sexy-firefighter-tragically-dies-in-ste,17549/)
"I don't think I've ever met a firefighter more hunkalicious."

:lol:

[D_Davis]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/desperate-pandora-employees-scrambling-to-find-son,17905/

[Yxklyx]

It's HP Lovecraft's birthday and the 8/19 paper version has a nice homage article (Mysterious Crate on Dock) - I couldn't find the article online though.

[Yxklyx]

Mexico Killed In Drug Deal (http://www.theonion.com/articles/mexico-killed-in-drug-deal,18109/)

[Mara]

Oh my goodness. Seriously just laughed and laughed.

Poll: 1 In 5 Americans Believe Obama Is A Cactus (http://www.theonion.com/articles/poll-1-in-5-americans-believe-obama-is-a-cactus,18127/)


During a Wednesday morning briefing, White House press secretary Robert Gibbs once again denied that President Obama is a cactus, citing numerous physiological attributes of the nation's chief executive, including his ability to walk upright and to manipulate objects with his opposable thumbs.

"Cacti don't talk," said Gibbs, shaking his head. "They just don't."

[Winston*]

Joad Cressbeckler: NASA Honeyfuggling America With Nonsense Space Dreams (http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-nasa-honeyfuggling-america-with,18140/)

Joad Cressbeckler > Stephen Colbert

[Spinal]

Joad Cressbeckler: NASA Honeyfuggling America With Nonsense Space Dreams (http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-nasa-honeyfuggling-america-with,18140/)

Joad Cressbeckler > Stephen Colbert

Joad Cressbeckler is amazing.

[Winston*]

New Joad Cressbeckler!

http://www.theonion.com/video/joad-cressbeckler-fears-genetic-modification-cause,18433/

[Kurosawa Fan]

:lol:

"Tater disease is what brought us the Irish!"

[Spinal]

I like the bit in the scrolling text about the Japanese version of The Hangover.

[Dukefrukem]

So good (http://www.theonion.com/video/oprah-invites-hundreds-of-lucky-fans-to-be-buried,18443/)

[Winston*]

Onion News Network - Coming To IFC January 2011 (http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-news-network-coming-to-ifc-january-2011,18488/)

[Yxklyx]

Onion News Network - Coming To IFC January 2011 (http://www.theonion.com/articles/onion-news-network-coming-to-ifc-january-2011,18488/)

If this is true it would probably be the funniest thing on TV.

[Kurosawa Fan]

No One Knows Identity of Female Athlete in Nike Commercial (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/no-one-knows-who-female-star-athlete-in-nike-comme,18146/)



"She's in a Nike commercial, so she's probably very successful in whatever sport she's affiliated with," Ohio resident Vince Shelky, 36, said. "But for the life of me, I couldn't tell you who she is."


"Sheryl Swoopes, maybe?" Shelky added. "Is that somebody?"

[Wryan]

No One Knows Identity of Female Athlete in Nike Commercial (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/no-one-knows-who-female-star-athlete-in-nike-comme,18146/)

That's pretty amazing.

"At press time, viewers would still not rule out the possibility that the athlete is a female basketball star like Lisa Leslie, Rebecca Lobo, or Reggie Miller's sister; that one famous volleyball player from the 1990s who was oddly popular; Babe Didrikson; the young female Asian golfer; the soccer player who took off her shirt after she scored the goal; the soccer player who never took off her shirt who is married to Nomar Garciaparra; Billie Jean King; the other openly gay tennis player; the former Connecticut point guard who plays in the WNBA now, right?; Nadia Comaneci; or Hilary Swank."

[Ezee E]

They forgot the softball hottie and the hot pole vaulter.

[Kurosawa Fan]

They forgot the softball hottie and the hot pole vaulter.

The softball hottie is mentioned earlier in the article. Don't know about the pole vaulter.

[chrisnu]

The softball hottie is mentioned earlier in the article. Don't know about the pole vaulter.
That would be Allison Stokke.

[Benny Profane]

Sharapova, Kournikova, Breastilova.

(The third one I made up)

[Spinal]

Female tennis players should be exempt from ridicule because their sport is actually entertaining.

[Kurosawa Fan]

Female tennis players should be exempt from ridicule because their sport is actually entertaining.

They address that in the last part of the article as well, saying that the only female athletes the public could rule out was the Williams sisters.

[Benny Profane]

Female tennis players should be exempt from ridicule because their sport is actually entertaining.

True. It is the only watchable women's sport.

[Kurosawa Fan]

True. It is the only watchable women's sport.

Beach volleyball disagrees.

[Benny Profane]

Beach volleyball disagrees.

It's good for about 3 minutes.

[Spinal]

Are you actually watching it with an investment in who wins or loses? If it's all about tight buns, then I think we're talking about something else.

[Kurosawa Fan]

Are you actually watching it with an investment in who wins or loses? If it's all about tight buns, then I think we're talking about something else.

Yes. Wait... what? Sorry, I lost my concentration thinking about the beach volleyball again.

[DavidSeven]

We may be undervaluing what grunting in short skirts adds to the game (re: tennis).

[[ETM]]

Breastilova.

(The third one I made up)


Or not.

http://www.tennisgrandstand.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/08/simona-halep.jpg
Simona Halep, Romanian.

She actually had her breasts significantly surgically reduced since, because the humongousness of them held her game back and caused health problems.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I missed this one (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/drew-brees-casually-wonders-aloud-if-he-really-cou,18103/) the first time around. Love the bit about Reggie Bush.

[Ezee E]

I missed this one (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/drew-brees-casually-wonders-aloud-if-he-really-cou,18103/) the first time around. Love the bit about Reggie Bush.
Oh man, you'd laugh even more if you were actually in the city because of how true it is.

[Spinal]

World's Jews Celebrate Christmas With Ceremonial Re-Murdering Of Christ (http://www.theonion.com/articles/worlds-jews-celebrate-christmas-with-ceremonial-re,4376/)

[number8]

I love finding old Onion articles I'd missed the first time.

[number8]

I mean, some of them are simply timeless:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-am-under-18-button-clicked-for-first-time-in-his,6396/

[Spinal]

Nuclear Bomb Detonates During Rehearsal For 'Spider-Man' Musical (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nuclear-bomb-detonates-during-rehearsal-for-spider,18743/)

[Mara]

Nuclear Bomb Detonates During Rehearsal For 'Spider-Man' Musical (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nuclear-bomb-detonates-during-rehearsal-for-spider,18743/)

Heh.

[chrisnu]

Virgin Mary Statue Crying For No Good Reason (http://www.theonion.com/articles/virgin-mary-statue-crying-for-no-good-reason,18708/)

[Wryan]

Nuclear Bomb Detonates During Rehearsal For 'Spider-Man' Musical (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nuclear-bomb-detonates-during-rehearsal-for-spider,18743/)

"Despite the setback, Cohl told reporters that he is more optimistic than ever about the production, saying that director Julie Taymor and composers Bono and the Edge were disintegrated in the explosion."

What a masterful fucking burn. And I love Taymor for Titus.

[Spinal]

Virgin Mary Statue Crying For No Good Reason (http://www.theonion.com/articles/virgin-mary-statue-crying-for-no-good-reason,18708/)

Oh good, when I clicked this, I hoped that there would be a part where someone threatened to "give her something to cry about."

[Mara]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v254/maragirl/onionmagazine_web_4703_jpg_445 x1000_upscale_q85.jpg

Awesome.

[Wryan]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/gap-between-rich-and-poor-named-8th-wonder-of-the,18914

BOOM headshot.

[Kurosawa Fan]

This one had me laughing hard:

Van Morrison Removed from Hall of Fame Following Allegations He Bet on Album Sales (http://www.theonion.com/articles/van-morrison-removed-from-rock-and-roll-hall-of-fa,18924/)

In fact, I'm still laughing.

[Kurosawa Fan]

:lol:

Every NFL Team Notifies Bengals That They Don't Want Carson Palmer (http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/every-team-in-nfl-calls-bengals-to-let-them-know-t,18995/)

[number8]

Amazing.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ive-got-you-dumb-motherfuckers-eating-right-out-of,19014/

[Dead & Messed Up]

Amazing.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ive-got-you-dumb-motherfuckers-eating-right-out-of,19014/

Dammit! I was about to link to this.

:lol:

[Spinal]

Glorious.

[Barty]

Amazing.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/ive-got-you-dumb-motherfuckers-eating-right-out-of,19014/

One of the funniest things I've ever read.

[Wryan]

"In fact, I think I'll have my award-winning design team get cracking on an anthropomorphic piece of shit right now."

My favorite line, I think.

[Spinal]

NEWSWIRE: 99 Percent Of Slow Motion Axe Throws Just Miss Ducking Human Targets

:lol:

[Spinal]

"If the Church can go from forgiving Galileo to accepting global warming in 11 years, I figure they’re on track to admit God doesn’t exist by 2015." (http://www.theonion.com/articles/vatican-blames-manmade-emissions-for-global-warmin,20394/)

[number8]

http://i.imgur.com/p4CFW.png

[Barty]

Fiscally I'm A Right-Wing Nutjob, But On Social Issues I'm Fucking Insanely Liberal (http://www.theonion.com/articles/fiscally-im-a-rightwing-nutjob-but-on-social-issue,20486/)

[number8]

A most useful tumblr.

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.c om/

[Spinal]

A most useful tumblr.

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.c om/

I know this is supposed to amuse me, but it really just bums me out.

[EyesWideOpen]

I'm not a big sports fan but I was enoying that Onion Sports show that was on comedy central. Too bad it was replaced by that awful Norm McDonald Sports show.

[Spinal]

Wow. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nancy-grace-seen-in-graveyard-sucking-marrow-from,20925/) :eek:

[Acapelli]

it's depressing that this isn't even satire

http://www.theonion.com/articles/congress-continues-debate-over-whether-or-not-nati,20977/

[Kurosawa Fan]

Poor Joe Paterno. :lol:

http://www.onionsportsnetwork.com/articles/penn-state-players-all-worried-theyre-going-to-be,21120/?utm_source=active_promotion&utm_medium=facebook&utm_campaign=facebook_post

[Mara]

This is just... mean.

Bill Watterson Writes, Illustrates, Shreds New 'Calvin And Hobbes' Strip Each Morning Out Of Spite
(http://www.theonion.com/articles/bill-watterson-writes-illustrates-shreds-new-calvi,21240/)

[Mara]

A most useful tumblr.

http://literallyunbelievable.tumblr.c om/

I've enjoyed checking out this site, which (as you know) has people posting The Onion articles on Facebook and other people thinking it is a real news story.

Well, now the universe is collapsing, because now people are posting links from Literally Unbelievable on Facebook, and people are reading the L.U. links to The Onion articles and thinking they are real, and the result gets posted AGAIN on Literally Unbelievable. It's a cycle of misunderstanding and death with no visible end.

[Yxklyx]

I haven't been following this Penn State thing but I bet that The Onion has the most accurate reporting on this story. It so often happens that the most obvious observation is overlooked - but not by this paper.

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/26/26724/10Year_Olds-635.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-10yearold-boys-if-you-see-someone-raping-u,26724/

[Wryan]

I haven't been following this Penn State thing but I bet that The Onion has the most accurate reporting on this story. It so often happens that the most obvious observation is overlooked - but not by this paper.

http://o.onionstatic.com/images/articles/article/26/26724/10Year_Olds-635.jpg

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nations-10yearold-boys-if-you-see-someone-raping-u,26724/

"'Wouldn't you be left with egg on your face if that little boy was actually being raped and you didn't tell the police!' said Pearson, drawing a big laugh from the gathered crowd."

God. Damn.

[D_Davis]

'These Last Two Are Gonna Be Real Turds,' George R.R. Martin Assures Fans (http://www.theonion.com/articles/these-last-two-are-gonna-be-real-turds-george-rr-m,26934/)

:lol::lol::lol:

But I could have told you that.

[Dukefrukem]

3sThcwmx3rs

[number8]

Best Part Of Gay 12-Year-Old’s Day Half Hour Spent Eating Lunch Alone On Staircase (http://www.theonion.com/articles/best-part-of-gay-12yearolds-day-half-hour-spent-ea,27547/)

[bac0n]

Okay, that's the saddest thing I've read all week.

[Yxklyx]

Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide? (http://www.theonion.com/video/could-the-use-of-flying-death-robots-be-hurting-am,27601/)

[D_Davis]

Succession Of Terrible Events Fails To Befall 33-Year-Old Riding Longboard To Digital Media Job (http://www.theonion.com/articles/succession-of-terrible-events-fails-to-befall-33ye,27597/)


Many New Yorkers said they felt helpless and frozen in place while witnessing the terrible sequence of events that did not happen to Reston, especially when the floppy-haired fuckface violated a red traffic signal without being immediately broadsided by a garbage truck and sent flying through the display window of one of the annoying, overpriced stores where he buys his slim-fitting oxford button-downs and preciously clever graphic tees.

[Barty]

Could The Use Of Flying Death Robots Be Hurting America's Reputation Worldwide? (http://www.theonion.com/video/could-the-use-of-flying-death-robots-be-hurting-am,27601/)

Perfection.

[Gizmo]

Humans Have Evolved to Point Where They No Longer Hear Dick Vitale (http://www.theonion.com/articles/report-humans-have-evolved-to-point-where-they-no,27647/)

You know, I don't remember the last time I actually paid any attention to what he said.

[Derek]

Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP (http://www.theonion.com/articles/women-voters-cant-help-fawning-over-sexist-gop,27748/)

:lol:

[Yxklyx]

Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP (http://www.theonion.com/articles/women-voters-cant-help-fawning-over-sexist-gop,27748/)

:lol:

Love that photo!

[number8]

That article... bravo.

[Glass Co.]

Women Voters Can't Help Fawning Over Sexist GOP (http://www.theonion.com/articles/women-voters-cant-help-fawning-over-sexist-gop,27748/)

:lol:

:lol:

One of the most perfect closing lines they've ever done, to boot.

[Dukefrukem]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/nasa-announces-plans-to-put-man-on-bus-to-clevelan,28024/

[number8]

Incredible. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/it-would-be-an-honor-to-serve-my-country-return-wi,29183/)

[Spinal]

The Clinton photoshopped penis (http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-bill-clinton-finally-just-shows-america-h,29453/) is the funniest thing I've seen in quite some time.

Warning: photoshopped penis

[number8]

This was fun too:

Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness' (http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-help-us-destroy-jesus-and-start-a-new-age-of,29478/)

[Spinal]

This was fun too:

Obama: 'Help Us Destroy Jesus And Start A New Age Of Liberal Darkness' (http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-help-us-destroy-jesus-and-start-a-new-age-of,29478/)

I wonder how many terrified grandmothers are forwarding that on to all their impressionable grandchildren.

[Spinal]

Never forget. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-halfway-down-giant-water-slide-remembers-today,29519/)

[Wryan]

What on earth? :D

http://www.theonion.com/articles/paul-ryan-knocked-over-by-pack-of-rambunctious-rom,29529

[number8]

Man, this is excellent.
(http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-murdered-because-of-this-image,29553/)

NSFW.

[Derek]

WOW, bravo The Onion.

[Barty]

Anyone watched the Sex House reality TV spoof? Fucking hilarious.

[Yxklyx]

This one is cute:

Egyptian Woman Wishes Screaming Protester Husband Would Go Bonkers For Her Once In A While (http://www.theonion.com/articles/egyptian-woman-wishes-screaming-protester-husband,29627/)

That NSFW one was hilarious!

[Dukefrukem]

DkGMY63FF3Q

[shaun]

The Onion named Kim Jong Un "Sexiest Man Alive" and China's communist newpaper believed it.

http://blogs.wsj.com/chinarealtime/2012/11/27/peoples-daily-quotes-the-onion-kim-jong-eun-sexiest-man-alive/


The slideshow – which begins with a photo of Mr. Kim astride a dappled gray, looking stoically into the distance – quotes liberally from the Onion and offers no evidence that a tongue is anywhere in the vicinity of a cheek. “With his devastatingly handsome, round face, his boyish charm, and his strong, sturdy frame, this Pyongyang-bred heartthrob is every woman’s dream come true,” the text below the slideshow says, citing the Onion.

[Dukefrukem]

LOL

Modern-Day Robin Hood Just Sleeping In Woods, Shooting Rich People With Arrows (VIDEO)

http://www.theonion.com/video/modernday-robin-hood-living-in-woods-shooting-rich,30797/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default

[Dukefrukem]

So good.

http://www.theonion.com/video/breaking-news-series-of-concentric-circles-emanati,14204/

[Mara]

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack (http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/)

[Yxklyx]

Gorilla Sales Skyrocket After Latest Gorilla Attack (http://www.theonion.com/articles/gorilla-sales-skyrocket-after-latest-gorilla-attac,30860/)

Yes! I almost posted this one too. The previous post made me check them out and then I saw THIS!

[Yxklyx]

I didn't watch the video as the front page was enough for me:

Obama Issues Presidential Pardon To Get Biden Out Of Jail For Third Time This Year (http://www.theonion.com/video/obama-issues-presidential-pardon-to-get-biden-out,31560/)

[Spinal]

Nervous Pope Candidate Changes Wine Into Jesus Christ's Urine (http://www.theonion.com/articles/nervous-pope-candidate-changes-wine-into-jesus-chr,31632/)


“Shit, nobody drink that, it’s piss,” said a flustered Ravasi ...

[D_Davis]

zWLJZw9Ws-g#!

[number8]

That used to be a joke 2 years ago when they did that. Now it's reality.

I secretly think that all of the Onion's worst jokes will one day come true.

[Mara]

zWLJZw9Ws-g#!

What's crazy is that this story was produced in 2011-- well before Steubenville. Prescient.

EDIT: 8 beat me to it.

[number8]

I probably can't count on both hands all the Onion articles I discovered through someone in the comments section of an actual news story linking to it.

[D_Davis]

It's an old story.

Sports guys get away with so much.

Shoot, we used to joke about it when I was in high school, and I'm sure my parents did, and their parents did....

Our culture values sports and athletes above all. They are the two most valuable things in America.

[number8]

Absolutely brutal.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/find-the-thing-youre-most-passionate-about-then-do,31742/

[Robby P]

Not sure whether to laugh or cry.

[Dead & Messed Up]

Absolutely brutal.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/find-the-thing-youre-most-passionate-about-then-do,31742/

Yeah, this one broke me even more than "Sad Sack Buys Screenplay Software."

[number8]

I am definitely crying.

[number8]

Hahaha.

I Feel Very Strongly About The Issue Of Same Sex Marriage Because I Have A Gay Son (http://www.theonion.com/articles/i-feel-very-strongly-about-the-issue-of-same-sex-m,31820/)

[Acapelli]

Obama Explains How They Get All Those Cars On The Back Of One Of Those Trucks (http://www.theonion.com/articles/obama-explains-how-they-get-all-those-cars-on-the,32288/)

love it

[Dead & Messed Up]

Anyone watched the Sex House reality TV spoof? Fucking hilarious.

I watched all of this in one go today, and I think it's one of the best things The Onion has ever done. It is so demented.

[Gizmo]

this is so wrong and so right at the same time (http://www.theonion.com/articles/breakfast-in-bed-served-to-mom-who-just-got-eaten,32401/). :lol:

[Wryan]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/05/27/1211908/-The-Onion-Calls-it-Quits

Oh shit. Is this for real?

EDIT: If it is real, this current story is sort of a perfect symbol package for what they're talking about (unrelated to politics tho):

http://www.theonion.com/articles/restaurants-extreme-burger-challenge-moved-down-to,32559

[number8]

http://www.dailykos.com/story/2013/05/27/1211908/-The-Onion-Calls-it-Quits

Oh shit. Is this for real?

No. It's The Daily Kos trying to be funny.

[Wryan]

No. It's The Daily Kos trying to be funny.

Ah, good. When I first saw it, it didn't have the note at the end. That's a relief.

[Sycophant]

A good reminder that liberals can write comedy as smug, thin, and unfunny as conservatives can.

[chrisnu]

After Careful Deliberation, Baby Goes With Homosexuality (http://www.theonion.com/articles/after-careful-deliberation-baby-goes-with-homosexu,32627/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=standard-post:headline:default)

Man On Cusp Of Having Fun Suddenly Remembers Every Single One Of His Responsibilities (http://www.theonion.com/articles/man-on-cusp-of-having-fun-remembers-every-single-o,32632/)

[D_Davis]

Never in my life have I had to remind myself more that this article is NOT from the Onion.

http://www.washingtonpost.com/local/non-believers-say-their-prayers-to-no-one/2013/06/24/b7c8cf50-d915-11e2-a9f2-42ee3912ae0e_story.html

[number8]

That's just chaos magic.

[D_Davis]

http://weknowmemes.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/are-you-serious-rage-face-240x180.jpg

Never has this meme been more perfect.

[chrisnu]

Gay Marriage Opponents Warn Supreme Court Ruling Could Put Nation On Slippery Slope To Rationality (http://www.theonion.com/articles/gay-marriage-opponents-warn-supreme-court-ruling-c,32967/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview%3A1%3 ADefault)

Bigot Relieved To Learn Gays In His State Still Effectively Subhuman (http://www.theonion.com/articles/bigot-relieved-to-learn-gays-in-his-state-still-ef,32968/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Def ault)

[chrisnu]

Texas Abortion Opponents To Cheer Selves Up With Execution (http://www.theonion.com/articles/texas-abortion-opponents-to-cheer-selves-up-with-e,32973/)

[number8]

This made me laugh pretty hard.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/scalia-thomas-roberts-alito-suddenly-realize-they,32972/

[number8]

Stephen Root as Scalia
Keith David as Thomas
Kyle Chandler as Roberts
Victor Garber as Alito

[Gizmo]

Dying Kid in Houston Holding On Until Astros Develop Player Worth Meeting (http://www.theonion.com/articles/dying-kid-in-houston-holding-on-until-astros-devel,33022/?utm_source=Twitter&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=Default:3:Default ) :lol:

[number8]

So good.

George Zimmerman Wins Florida State Lottery (http://www.theonion.com/articles/george-zimmerman-wins-florida-state-lottery,33139/)

[Yxklyx]

...and not The Onion

George Zimmerman rescues family from truck crash last week, police say (http://www.foxnews.com/us/2013/07/22/george-zimmerman-rescued-man-from-truck-crash-last-week-police-say/)

I like Bernard's reply to this one:

Jane Austen To Appear On British 10-Pound Bill (http://www.theonion.com/articles/jane-austen-to-appear-on-british-10pound-bill,33257/)

I wish they'd bring back that machinist guy to do their Horoscopes.

[Dukefrukem]

Circa 2008! lol


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HOgj2etJs3Y

[D_Davis]

http://www.theonion.com/articles/chuck-klosterman-corners-guy-at-party-wearing-dio,33615/

[number8]

Onion classic. I love when the humor is less in the story and more in the satirizing of news itself.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/area-homosexual-saves-four-from-fire,1553/

[Yxklyx]

Yeah, I remember that one - but down under more news we have:

Syria Conflict Intensifies As Bears Enter War (http://www.theonion.com/articles/syria-conflict-intensifies-as-bears-enter-war,33659/)

"At press time, thousands of lions, hawks, anacondas, fire ants, flesh-eating bacteria, shrieking black-caped horsemen, and leather-clad motorcycle gangs were seen amassing just a few miles away from the Syrian border."

[number8]

:lol:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/9-things-introverts-do-all-the-time,33683/

[Yxklyx]

:lol:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/9-things-introverts-do-all-the-time,33683/

:)

So, Mr Ruffalo was trying to evoke Falk in Zodiac right? I really like him but he fell a bit short of that goal. Really liked him in Margaret though.

[chrisnu]

Hell Now A Thriving Epicenter Of Gay Culture (http://www.theonion.com/articles/hell-now-a-thriving-epicenter-of-gay-culture,33928/?utm_source=Facebook&utm_medium=SocialMarketing&utm_campaign=LinkPreview:1:Def ault)

[Hugh_Grant]

Mead Releases New Grad-School-Ruled Notebook (http://www.theonion.com/articles/mead-releases-new-gradschoolruled-notebook,2424/)
Recently, when I was doing some heavy cleaning, I came across my grad school notes. I asked myself, "How could one person write so many notes in two years?!?!" So I found this funny. :)

[number8]

Bu (http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/)llied Eighth-Grader Incorrectly Thought Classmates Would Leave Him Alone During Field Trip To 9/11 Memorial (http://www.theonion.com/articles/bullied-eighthgrader-incorrectly-thought-classmate,34030/)

[number8]

They just never cease to impress.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/high-school-freshman-thinks-romeo-and-juliet-might,34159/

[chrisnu]

Kidnapped Teen Freed, Though Freedom Is Its Own Kind Of Prison, Is It Not? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/kidnapped-teen-freed-though-freedom-is-its-own-kin,34454/?ref=auto)

[Dead & Messed Up]

Breaking: Intruders Detected in Zone 17 (http://www.theonion.com/articles/breaking-intruders-detected-in-zone-17,34541/)

I don't know why this is so funny to me. Probably all the dystopic movies I've seen on MST3K lately.

[number8]

Boy, I’ve Really Put You In A Tough Spot, Haven’t I? (http://www.theonion.com/articles/boy-ive-really-put-you-in-a-tough-spot-havent-i,34949/)

[number8]

Last two paragraphs are the best:

Honestly, I Always Saw Edward Scissorhands As The Villain (http://www.theonion.com/articles/honestly-i-always-saw-edward-scissorhands-as-the-v,35307/)

[Ezee E]

Last two paragraphs are the best:

Honestly, I Always Saw Edward Scissorhands As The Villain (http://www.theonion.com/articles/honestly-i-always-saw-edward-scissorhands-as-the-v,35307/)

The line about Big Fish is great.

[Watashi]

Love this. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/cancer-diagnosed-with-skip-bayless,35368/)

[Yxklyx]

Malaysia Airlines Expands Investigation To Include General Scope Of Space, Time (http://www.theonion.com/articles/malaysian-airlines-expands-investigation-to-includ,35524/)

[Dukefrukem]

LOL

New App Matches You With Others In Vicinity Who Wasted $2.99 On Same App (http://www.theonion.com/articles/new-app-matches-you-with-others-in-vicinity-who-wa,35813/)

[number8]

They just launched a new site parodying Buzzfeed and it is pretty cutting. And yet probably going to be greatly profitable too. Talk about genius.

http://www.clickhole.com/

[Dukefrukem]

Bwhahahahaha @ the last line


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fDBzQkWeQ5g

[number8]

This is most likely prophetic. (http://www.theonion.com/articles/experts-ebola-vaccine-at-least-50-white-people-awa,36580/)

[Spinal]

5 Disney princesses reimagined as Caucasian (http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-disney-princesses-reimagined-caucasian-698?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=facebook)

[Kurosawa Fan]

5 Disney princesses reimagined as Caucasian (http://www.clickhole.com/article/5-disney-princesses-reimagined-caucasian-698?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=facebook)

:lol:

The last two comments for Tiana and Mulan are hilarious.

[Spinal]

:lol:

The last two comments for Tiana and Mulan are hilarious.

This is my favorite Clickhole thing ever because it so perfectly satirizes that modern feeling of being aggravated and annoyed by people who in theory should be on your side.

[Kurosawa Fan]

12 Amazing Black Friday Deals (http://www.clickhole.com/article/12-amazing-black-friday-deals-1493?utm_campaign=default&utm_medium=ShareTools&utm_source=facebook)

[Pop Trash]

Appropriate for today, sadly:

http://www.theonion.com/articles/no-one-murdered-because-of-this-image,29553/

[Gizmo]

maybe wanna NSFW that one.

[Scar]

maybe wanna NSFW that one.
Yeah, big purple cock and twat don't go over to well in some crowds

[Dukefrukem]

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=btJINsfeYhY


Bwhahahaha:

"Could the future of television be a bunch of tiny TVs that you crush up into your drink?"

[Dukefrukem]

Not the Onion, but it might as well be


https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HN2iVe8_Ato

[Spinal]

Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down (https://entertainment.theonion.com/cool-glitch-effect-on-movie-studio-logo-must-mean-shit-1825294743)

[Dukefrukem]

Cool Glitch Effect On Movie Studio Logo Must Mean Shit About To Go Down (https://entertainment.theonion.com/cool-glitch-effect-on-movie-studio-logo-must-mean-shit-1825294743)

I laughed more at the "Best dick in baseball" video embedded below it.