Describe Your Last Sexual Encounter Using a Film Title

[Spaceman Spiff]

now that there's no World Cup I am horrifically bored at work. So I thought I'd get this going...

One rule though, no slight modifications on a title like 'Missionary Impossible' or 'Rocco Invades Russia' or anything like that. It's got to be the proper film title. Also no besting me at provision of lols. Bonus points if the title actually reflects your last sexcapade.

Jokes on how you don't get laid because you're a loser are most welcome.

I'll go first:

Home Alone

[number8]

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/en/2/24/Double_impact.jpg

[jenniferofthejungle]

All the Right Moves.




My original post was going to be Killer Tongue, but I didn't feel like sharing that much.

Yeah....not posting this way again.

[megladon8]

I have waaaayyy too many inappropriate jokes to make here.

[Skitch]

Close Encounters of the Third Kind

[Ivan Drago]

Idle Hands

[D_Davis]

http://www.jnpp.ee/dvd/Pildid/DVD%20PILDID/Volcano.jpg

[Skitch]

I have waaaayyy too many inappropriate jokes to make here.

*awaits Predator*

[D_Davis]

http://mydogumentary.files.wordpress. com/2008/11/kindergarten_cop.jpg

[megladon8]

*awaits Predator*


That's actually, exactly what I was going to post.

Thanks for saving me from myself, Skitch.

[number8]

Yeah, this could easily become a "movie titles that could be porn" joke thread if people ain't honest.

[megladon8]

http://img684.imageshack.us/img684/3264/rosemarysbaby.jpg




...too far?

[Wryan]

http://noveltyknees.files.wordpress.c om/2009/01/happiness.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

Yeah, this could easily become a "movie titles that could be porn" joke thread if people ain't honest.

Indeed. Be honest people!

I actually did get laid not all that long ago despite my Home Alone joke... hmm...

I might go for

http://opinionsandexpressions.files.w ordpress.com/2008/12/lara_croft_tomb_raider.jpg

[Kurosawa Fan]

http://www.spout.com/ProductImages/t69423n9dk5.jpg

[Qrazy]

http://www.impawards.com/2005/posters/me_and_you_and_everyone_we_kno w_ver2.jpg

[jenniferofthejungle]

I was honest.

[Raiders]

http://www.mediacircus.net/speed______________11.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

I was honest.

hahaha

[Sven]

http://www.skatelog.com/photos/movies/boogie-nights-02-347x337.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

Qrazy:

http://www.gothtronic.com/Goth/img_/Movies1/sub/allquiet.jpg

Spinal:

http://thestoryofswimwear.files.wordp ress.com/2009/05/gone_in_sixty_seconds1.jpg

[Qrazy]

http://saangatya.files.wordpress.com/2010/03/my-life-as-a-dog.jpg

[kopello]

There Will Be Blood

[Dukefrukem]

This thread is an absolute riot.

[Dukefrukem]

If there are any women or gays that wan't a suggestion...

http://thecinemaniaco.files.wordpress .com/2009/02/let_the_right_one_in_ver3.jpg

[megladon8]

My suspicions of Daniel Davis being a male prostitute will be affirmed when he posts...

http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/7411/clienti.jpg

[Sven]

Similarly, let's hope this one never goes out of steady play:

http://www.cinemagia.org/files/image/The_Firm.jpg

[Dead & Messed Up]

http://squatlobster.files.wordpress.c om/2009/02/manos-poster.jpg

[Mysterious Dude]

http://www.ancientpath.com/ancientPath/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/whale_rider_verdvd.jpg

[Kurosawa Fan]

Antoine wins.

[Katiescarlett]

http://www.filmsquish.com/guts/files/images/TheCar_0.gif


Oddly, this was the first scary movie I ever saw too :)

[number8]

Haha, I was about to post that. That was the one before the Double Impact encounter.

[Katiescarlett]

Haha, I was about to post that. That was the one before the Double Impact encounter.

Yeah, the car is technically before the one KF posted :)

[Wryan]

Antoine wins.

The critic quote helped tremendously.

[Raiders]

Yeah, the car is technically before the one KF posted :)

I appreciate the kind of open marriage you all have...

[Wryan]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/0780022629.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[megladon8]

I appreciate the kind of open marriage you all have...


Eeeekkk...careful with those words. Open marriage typically means a couple who are married but still have sex with other people.

But I know what you mean. Just don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about each others' relationships.

[Wryan]

Eeeekkk...careful with those words. Open marriage typically means a couple who are married but still have sex with other people.

But I know what you mean. Just don't want anyone getting the wrong idea about each others' relationships.

An open marriage doesn't have to be just physical; it can alternately be emotional, or both.

[number8]

I was in an ajar marriage once.

[Raiders]

Eeeekkk...careful with those words. Open marriage typically means a couple who are married but still have sex with other people.

:|

... I guess my attempt at humor has failed again...

[Russ]

Trying to decide between

http://img38.imageshack.us/img38/3487/peeweesbigadventure.jpg

and

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/1715/completelydifferent.jpg

[Wryan]

http://musicmaven.files.wordpress.com/2007/12/aliceeiasu.jpg

A diorama of depression in three acts, including one devoted entirely to emotional eating.

[Wryan]

Not for the faint of heart. I warned you:

http://mentalfloss.cachefly.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/valley.jpg

A very special sex-ed class.

[number8]

:|

... I guess my attempt at humor has failed again...

I got it.

[bac0n]

http://epicdolls.com/beauturkey/wp-content/uploads/the_jerk.jpg

[Benny Profane]

http://www.funtimeinternet.com/images/lack-doggiestyle.jpg


I have an 8 month pregnant wife. It's one of the few positions we have left.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I have an 8 month pregnant wife. It's one of the few positions we have left.

Congrats! Did I know this already? I feel like I might have known, but I'm not sure.

And also, you're a cheater for using a fake movie title.

[Benny Profane]

Congrats! Did I know this already? I feel like I might have known, but I'm not sure.

And also, you're a cheater for using a fake movie title.


Don't remember informing the board, so you probably didn't know. I'm kinda superstitious about it, have only told very few people. But thanks!

[Kurosawa Fan]

Don't remember informing the board, so you probably didn't know. I'm kinda superstitious about it, have only told very few people. But thanks!

Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet? Or are you waiting?

[megladon8]

Congratulations to you and your wife, Benny. Jen and I wish you all the best!

[Benny Profane]

Do you know if it's a boy or girl yet? Or are you waiting?


It's a boy. But not naming him Benny, don't worry.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Pour vous, Wats:

http://www.atnzone.com/nz/wp-content/uploads/2009/12/toy_story.jpg

[Kurosawa Fan]

It's a boy. But not naming him Benny, don't worry.

Nice. Best wishes to you both. Congrats again!

[megladon8]

Let's say you have an orgasm but don't ejaculate. Would you then say you had a...


http://img338.imageshack.us/img338/5007/phantasm79.jpg

[Watashi]

http://i255.photobucket.com/albums/hh153/athyra89/slideshow%20movies/what-dreams-may-come.jpg

There are plenty of ways to interpret that.

[number8]

There are plenty of ways to interpret that.

I know the correct one.

[megladon8]

"Wet Dreams Make Cum"

[ledfloyd]

http://i50.photobucket.com/albums/f331/ledfloyd18/1XSOD00Z.jpg

strangely both the title of the serial and the title of the particular episode are fitting.

[number8]

The masturbation jokes are starting to bum me out. :sad:

[megladon8]

There's a certain joke I'm very, very surprised no one has made yet.

[ledfloyd]

The masturbation jokes are starting to bum me out. :sad:
mine wasn't a masturbation joke.

[Derek]

There's a certain joke I'm very, very surprised no one has made yet.

Rape joke?

http://songspeak.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/07/stopormymomwillshoot11.jpg

[megladon8]

Nope.

It's more recent. And a horror film with an ambiguously gay title.

[baby doll]

http://chaplin.bfi.org.uk/images/720/goldrush_ukspp1.jpg

[Watashi]

http://www.explodedgoat.com/images/covers/peepingtom.jpg

Too literal?

[Spaceman Spiff]

There's a certain joke I'm very, very surprised no one has made yet.

You are of course, referring to this classic gem?

http://www.hkfilm.net/pics/kungpow.jpg

[Wryan]

Too literal?

Too repetitious.

[Spinal]

:|

... I guess my attempt at humor has failed again...

I liked it.

[Spinal]

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/A20Shot20In20The20Dark.jpg

[Fezzik]

http://www.iwatchstuff.com/images/2006/05/descent-poster.jpg

[baby doll]

http://www.impawards.com/1977/posters/three_women.jpg

[baby doll]

http://multimedia.fnac.com/multimedia/images_produits/ZoomPE/8/4/7/3545020013748.jpg

Not very clever, but I'll take any excuse to mention Costa's work.

[D_Davis]

My suspicions of Daniel Davis being a male prostitute will be affirmed when he posts...

http://img3.imageshack.us/img3/7411/clienti.jpg

Want my rates?

[D_Davis]

http://img180.imageshack.us/img180/1715/completelydifferent.jpg

This is a good one for me, too.

[D_Davis]

Let's say you have an orgasm but don't ejaculate. Would you then say you had a...




That was good.

[Watashi]

http://sovietrussia.org/big/src/12196128323667679.jpg

[Spinal]

You had sex with George Muresan? :eek:

[Russ]

http://sovietrussia.org/big/src/12196128323667679.jpg

http://img535.imageshack.us/img535/4676/liarliartaichifire.jpg

[Sven]

Lording over the battle between Crystal and Carrey to see who can more dramatically overemphasize the prowess of their respective packages with their arms, Muresan comfortably smiles his knowing smile, content with the knowledge that he will forever be more substantial than either of those goofballs, junk-wise.

[Spinal]

junk-wise

I love this word.

[Mysterious Dude]

http://www.dvdtimes.co.uk/images/Covers/shame_r1pack.jpg

[megladon8]

OK, I'll just make the joke myself.

I'm planning a vacation later on. Mode of transport?

http://img441.imageshack.us/img441/9485/midnightmeattrainver2.jpg

[D_Davis]

I prefer the Morning Meat Train.

knowhatimean?

[megladon8]

I prefer the Morning Meat Train.

knowhatimean?


You like breakfast foods?

[D_Davis]

You like breakfast foods?

Bangers and mash.

[megladon8]

Bangers and mash.


Nothing like a big fat sausage in the morning. Juice runnin' down your chin.

[jenniferofthejungle]

This is really disturbing.

[megladon8]

I like that MathCut has a couple of outlets for people to be immature.

Sometimes I think we take ourselves and this place too seriously.

[number8]

Sometimes I think we take ourselves and this place too seriously.

Um, no. What do you mean by that? I think we're all pretty jovial here. Don't jump to conclusions just from your interaction with a couple of posters who happen to be more serious than others. That's kind of an ignorant thing to say.

[megladon8]

Um, no. What do you mean by that? I think we're all pretty jovial here. Don't jump to conclusions just from your interaction with a couple of posters who happen to be more serious than others. That's kind of an ignorant thing to say.


I don't see what's ignorant about it. There have been several instances where I have tried to make juvenile jokes and been met with the online equivalent of disapproving stares.

Many of the jokes I've made here (and have even received rep a few times for in the last couple of hours) are nigh exact copies of jokes I've made in other threads and have been told that it was "offputting" or something along those lines.


EDIT: Much of it I stock up to misinterpretation of tone due to the limits of forum/internet communication. Which I also think is the case right here...

[Sven]

EDIT: Much of it I stock up to misinterpretation of tone due to the limits of forum/internet communication. Which I also think is the case right here...

Yeah. Just roll with it, I find. I, too, have been guilty of taking things a little too seriously, but find that when I check myself before I wreck myself, things are a lot more amiable than our words seem to make it sometimes.

In other words:

http://overnitecurry.files.wordpress. com/2009/09/400blows063.jpg

[jenniferofthejungle]

I had been waiting for a Blown Away poster. :D

[Derek]

In other words:

http://overnitecurry.files.wordpress. com/2009/09/400blows063.jpg

http://www.mograbs.com/mograbs/blog/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/rented1.jpg

[Ezee E]

http://i559.photobucket.com/albums/ss36/Magalyavalos/marley-me-poster.jpg

[Boner M]

http://www.coverbrowser.com/image/vhs-videos/770-1.jpg.

[Scar]

No one had a Crimson Tide?

[megladon8]

No one had a Crimson Tide?


*shudder*

[Qrazy]

EDIT: Much of it I stock up to misinterpretation of tone due to the limits of forum/internet communication. Which I also think is the case right here...

http://img190.imageshack.us/img190/3226/img2fjh.jpg

[number8]

I don't see what's ignorant about it. There have been several instances where I have tried to make juvenile jokes and been met with the online equivalent of disapproving stares.

Many of the jokes I've made here (and have even received rep a few times for in the last couple of hours) are nigh exact copies of jokes I've made in other threads and have been told that it was "offputting" or something along those lines.


EDIT: Much of it I stock up to misinterpretation of tone due to the limits of forum/internet communication. Which I also think is the case right here...

Why so serious? We need to lighten up around here.

[thefourthwall]

http://images.amazon.com/images/P/B00005U8EL.01.LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[kopello]

http://img820.imageshack.us/img820/7381/twomulesforsistersara00.jpg

I'm not really sure what I mean with this, but for some reason it just seems right. ;)

[dreamdead]

http://www.carterburwell.com/graphics/Project_Images/Kiss_The_Girls_DVD.jpg

[Derek]

http://www.filmsy.com/wp-content/uploads/2006/09/TMNTMovie2.jpg

[Grouchy]

I like Donatello's aroused hand-biting.

http://macomontaguax.files.wordpress. com/2007/03/touching-the-void.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

I just had sex after work! (you all had to know this). It was fun. A little weird too.

http://www.bo-films.net/IMG/jpg/aff-21.jpg

[Grouchy]

http://pwimage.org/images/b0lhiz0xvt74bq0uci41.jpg

[monolith94]

http://www.mattfind.com/12345673215-3-2-3_img/movie/y/k/h/deep_impact_1998_413x580_84165 2.jpg

[baby doll]

http://tnaron.files.wordpress.com/2009/08/i-lost-it-at-the-movies-1.jpg

[Grouchy]

I'm pretty sure that's completely intentional, though.

[baby doll]

I'm pretty sure that's completely intentional, though.Of course. One of her books is actually called "Going Down on the Movies," but I couldn't find a picture of the cover.

[baby doll]

Here it is.

[BuffaloWilder]

Citizen Kane -


am I doing it right

[Ezee E]

http://www2.ups.edu/faculty/velez/flfilm/html/German%20Film/cover.jpeg

[baby doll]

http://www.bbc.co.uk/worldservice/assets/images/2010/02/22/100222151756_headless_woman_im g.jpg

[baby doll]

http://www.doctormacro.com/Images/Posters/C/Poster%20-%20Cat%20People%20%281942%29_0 2.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

Cat People? wtf baby doll? I don't even get that, and I am a sick fuck.

[Derek]

Cat People? wtf baby doll? I don't even get that, and I am a sick fuck.

He's already admitted to being a Furry...

[Skitch]

No one had a Crimson Tide?
*sheepishly raises hand*

Yes, its true. But surprisingly, it was awesome. Thanks Kuma Sutra!

[BuffaloWilder]

He's already admitted to being a Furry...

And I say, right on sir.

:pritch:

[lovejuice]

i challenge you to make sense out of this.

http://hollywoodhatesme.files.wordpre ss.com/2010/07/last_airbender_movie.jpg

[Skitch]

i challenge you to make sense out of this.


Hmm, using The Force for pleasure?

[B-side]

http://www.bluraywire.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/repulsionbluray12.png

[Sxottlan]

I had recently gotten close with a girl named Tracy. So naturally I really wanted to...

http://andypages.com/images/posters/Dick_Tracy_Poster.jpg

You know. Really explore all of her...

http://www.publispain.com/posters/holes.jpg

Maybe she could work my...

http://witneyman.files.wordpress.com/2009/09/shaft-poster.jpg

Unfortunately, her sisters were really pretty and I really wanted to...

http://groupieblog.files.wordpress.co m/2008/01/banger_sisters.jpg?w=500

Instead, she said she met someone else.

Now once again, my last encounter was...

http://www.movieposter.com/posters/archive/main/13/A70-6683

[B-side]

Haha, nice.

[Spaceman Spiff]

You guys seem to get laid a whole lot.

[Wryan]

You guys seem to get laid a whole lot.

I have a feeling we moved beyond that pretty quick.

[Rowland]

http://www.studiovizion.info/wp-content/uploads/2009/03/babysitter-wanted.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

I have a feeling we moved beyond that pretty quick.

I didn't. :(

[number8]

I tried to warm 'em! They wouldn't listen! THEY JUST. WOULDN'T. LISTEN.

[Ezee E]

You guys seem to get laid a whole lot.
I get the other impression.

[D_Davis]

http://kara.allthingsd.com/files/2008/03/fantastic-voyage_flr.jpg

for reals.

[Spaceman Spiff]

I get the other impression.

tee hee

[D_Davis]

http://kara.allthingsd.com/files/2008/03/fantastic-voyage_flr.jpg

for reals.

Oh wait. Except for the 4 men and one woman part. Heh...

[Qrazy]

http://www.brokenprojector.com/images/contempt.jpg

[Spaceman Spiff]

http://difficultmusic.net/requests/covers/Henry_Portrait_serial_killer.j pg

[SirNewt]

http://eurekavideo.co.uk/moc/images/covers/large/f-for-fake.jpg

[baby doll]

http://www.moviegoods.com/Assets/product_images/1020/202559.1020.A.jpg

[Russ]

http://img231.imageshack.us/img231/1584/14y8lkn.jpg

[Derek]

Nice one, Russ! :lol:

http://www.juggling.org/movies/Pics/In_and_Out.jpg

[number8]

About an hour and a half ago...

http://ucgmikebennett.files.wordpress .com/2010/04/stand-and-deliver-movie-poster.jpg

[Dillard]

http://www.calgarycinema.org/content/images/high-and-low-2.jpg
The gal's out of town, but I'm able to see her on the weekends.

http://rafinhaea7arte.files.wordpress .com/2010/06/winter-bone.jpg
Decent film seen recently. But God damn, in the context of this thread, there is a strength that comes when the weather turns colder.

Fantastic thread.

[Derek]

About an hour and a half ago...

Please tell me you had that title in mind and chose that position to set up a joke on MatchCut, because that'd be most rep-worthy.

[number8]

Please tell me you had that title in mind and chose that position to set up a joke on MatchCut, because that'd be most rep-worthy.

It's not the reason I did it, but shamefully, I admit that yes, it did cross my mind.

Man, this place...

[baby doll]

http://www.slavepianos.org/rd/rf/film/_darcs/current/i/seven-samurai.jpg

[number8]

Seven men defending your plow from being entered by a mass horde? You're pretty kinky, baby doll.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Seven men defending your plow from being entered by a mass horde? You're pretty kinky, baby doll.

Tell me about it. He's into Cat People and the Bitter Tears of Petra von Kant.

[Sxottlan]

I tried to warm 'em!

That too is sexual!

[baby doll]

http://www.impawards.com/1978/posters/every_which_way_but_loose.jpg

[B-side]

http://anticopyrighttr.files.wordpres s.com/2009/07/gorillas-in-the-mist-dvdcover.jpg

Too racist?

[megladon8]

http://img805.imageshack.us/img805/6421/trapped.jpg

[Watashi]

http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_cudK8MwW64I/SV8PC80TOvI/AAAAAAAALLE/Eawj5gfoiMc/s400/B000063JDM_01_LZZZZZZZ.jpg

[baby doll]

http://beautifulfraud.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/04/les_parapluies_de_cherbourg.jp g

[Ezee E]

I don't get that one.

[baby doll]

I don't get that one.I must have a dirtier mind than you.

[Spinal]

I liked this thread better when it made sense.

[number8]

I liked this thread better when it made sense.

Yeah, I think this thread is officially a bust.

[baby doll]

Come on, nobody else looks at an umbrella and thinks, "Yeah, I could stick that up my butt"?

[B-side]

Come on, nobody else looks at an umbrella and thinks, "Yeah, I could stick that up my butt"?

;)

[baby doll]

http://www.wrongsideoftheart.com/wp-content/gallery/posters-c/coming_at_ya_poster_01.jpg

[Boner M]

http://www.haal9000.com/dvd2007/images/killer%20of%20sheep.jpg

[Watashi]

Come on, nobody else looks at an umbrella and thinks, "Yeah, I could stick that up my butt"?
You need help.

With everything.

[Qrazy]

http://www.impawards.com/1996/posters/james_and_the_giant_peach.jpg

[megladon8]

Getting back on track with the true intention of the thread...


http://img517.imageshack.us/img517/2601/tongueq.jpg

[Russ]

http://img651.imageshack.us/img651/9351/affiche3.jpg

[baby doll]

http://casanegra.free.fr/files/image/my_cousin_vinny_ver2.jpg

[Ezee E]

Lock the thread please.

[number8]

Lock the thread please.

Seconded.

[Thirdmango]

Hot Fuzz and Big Fish

[Duncan]

http://img.movieberry.com/static/photos/11258/poster.jpg
As straight forward as it gets.

[Derek]

http://www.greenmama.ru/dn_images/01/42/60/10/1263792924me_myself_i.jpg

[B-side]

I'd pity-fuck you, Derek.

[Spaceman Spiff]

Lock the thread please.

It doesn't matter where I post, half my threads get locked at some point.

[Skitch]

Do instructional films count? Because last night was definately Kama Sutra. Not very funny for thread, but its at least true. :)

[Heidi]

http://www.reezu.com/movies/Mov_Thumbnail/Reezu_5374.jpg

[Heidi]

Lock the thread please.

i motion against.

[baby doll]

http://i44.tinypic.com/29qbn7p.jpg

[Derek]

For your sister? Dude...

[Mara]

For your sister? Dude...

Fat Girl is more likely, amirite?

[baby doll]

Fat Girl is more likely, amirite?Since when are the two mutually exclusive?

[Derek]

Fat Girl is more likely, amirite?

Literal translation joke --> fail. :)

[Mara]

Literal translation joke --> fail. :)

...yes, I got it.

[Derek]

...yes, I got it.

No, I mean my joke failed, not you!

[Mara]

No, I mean my joke failed, not you!

I'm so confused now. I always fail at sexual humor.

SEX, RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHAHA!

[megladon8]

I'm so confused now. I always fail at sexual humor.

SEX, RIGHT? HAHAHAHAHAHA!


For some reason I just imagined you telling a coworker a dirty joke, pausing for a second, then saying "get it?? SEX!"

I laughed.

That is all.

[Mara]

For some reason I just imagined you telling a coworker a dirty joke, pausing for a second, then saying "get it?? SEX!"


Boobies.

[megladon8]

Boobies.


Wanna know a secret?

You've got to come up real close to me so I can whisper it.

Promise not to tell anyone, OK? OK???

...
...
...

Penis!!!