Match Cut 'Best Worst' Film Consensus

[Spinal]

Submit your five favorite films that are 'so bad they are good' and in a week I will give you a top (or bottom?) ten.

The point system is as follows

1st Place-5 points
2nd Place-4 points
3rd Place-3.5 points
4th Place-3 points
5th Place-2.5 points

A minimum of three films must be listed. You may edit your post freely up until the time that the voting is closed, which will be in about a week. I will give at least 24 hours warning before tallying votes.

You may begin now.

[Spun Lepton]

I assume MST3K episodes don't count?

1. Troll 2
2. Zombie Holocaust
3. City of the Living Dead

More to come as I think of them.

[EyesWideOpen]

1. Troll 2
2. The Room
3. House of the Dead

Those are the only three I can think of.

[Spun Lepton]

1. Troll 2
2. The Room
3. House of the Dead

Those are the only three I can think of.

OOoh! Uwe!! He definitely deserves a place here, however, Alone in the Dark makes House of the Dead look coherent.

[Derek]

For Your Consideration:

http://3.bp.blogspot.com/_2AHRENGVh9I/SoRhJmIiNEI/AAAAAAAABiw/PmI7nH0HSR8/s320/samuraicop-zdar.jpg

Samurai Cop

Chase sequences don't get much worse than this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rX9y0iNuCcM).

[B-side]

1. The Happening (Shyamalan, 2008)
2. The Wicker Man (LaBute, 2006)
3.

I'll try and think of more.

[Ivan Drago]

Oh hi, Match Cut Film Consensus! How's your sex life?

1. <-----------------
2. Manos: The Hands of Fate
3. House of The Dead
4. Bride of the Monster
5. Plan 9 From Outer Space

[EyesWideOpen]

1. The Happening (Shyamalan, 2008)
2. The Wicker Man (LaBute, 2006)
3.

I'll try and think of more.

The Happening is a genuinely good movie.

[B-side]

The Happening is a genuinely good movie.

http://www.threadbombing.com/data/media/2/G.smh1.gif

[Skitch]

Torque
House of the Dead
D.O.A. (not Miike)

[Raiders]

1. 9 Deaths of the Ninja
2. Jack Frost (though really, it seems rather intentional)
3. Sleepaway Camp II: Unhappy Campers

I don't really watch much of this sort of thing. The Sleepaway Camp sequel I only saw about 3/4 of on the Chiller network.

[Boner M]

1. Samurai Cop
2. Troll 2
3. The Room
4. The Wicker Man

Torque is intentionally goofy, so it doesn't make the list.

[Mysterious Dude]

The Happening is a genuinely good movie.
This is the first time I've ever heard anyone say that.

Well, maybe Watashi said that.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I'm getting together with friends this weekend to watch Mega Piranha, so I'd like to hold off until then. Not sure anything will supplant Samurai Cop on the top of my list, but I'd better abstain just in case.

[Pop Trash]

1. The Apple
2. Gymkata
3. Xanadu
4. Showgirls
5. Cool As Ice

Something like that. I'll probably edit this if I think of some more. I'm guessing 'bad' movies that are actually good/interesting like Glen or Glenda or Freddy Got Fingered don't count?

[D_Davis]

1. Saurians - Jurassic Park, made for about $500. Absolutely amazing.
2. Troll 2
3. House of the Dead
4. Robo Vampire
5. For Your Height Only

[Russ]

1. After Last Season
2. Samurai Cop
3. Plan 9 from Outer Space
4. Mommie Dearest
5. Can’t Stop the Music


Still haven’t seen The Room or Troll 2 yet.

[Adam]

1. Monkeybone
2. Joe's Apartment
3. The Rules of Attraction
4. Wild Wild West
5. Pootie Tang

[Derek]

1. Samurai Cop
2. Troll 2
3. Gymkata
4. Silent Night, Deadly Night 2
5. The Room

HM: The Wicker Man

[Pop Trash]

3. Gymkata


OHHH! GOOD CALL!

[Skitch]

3. The Rules of Attraction

Huh?

[Rowland]

4. Bride of the MonsterBoo, I genuinely like Bride of the Monster.

[Dead & Messed Up]

Yeah to Gymkata.

01. Leprechaun 4: In Space
02. Death Game
03. The Final Sacrifice
04. Gymkata
05. Manos: The Hands of Fate

I have a lot of affection for #3, since you can see glimmers of competence and ambition buried in the amateur filmmaking. I almost resent MST mocking it. #5 is curiously engaging in its stunning, unabashed awfulness.

[Winston*]

1. Monkeybone
2. Joe's Apartment
3. The Rules of Attraction
4. Wild Wild West
5. Pootie Tang

All these are actual comedies. Weird.

[Spinal]

1. Plan 9 from Outer Space
2. Super Fuzz
3. Thundercrack!
4. Showgirls
5. Yor, the Hunter from the Future

[Spinal]

4. Mommie Dearest


This is the one that I legitimately think is a good movie.

[Raiders]

4. Showgirls

:|

[Spun Lepton]

2. Super Fuzz

:lol: I LOVED this movie when I was 10 years old.

[soitgoes...]

1. Flash Gordon
2. The Toxic Avenger
3. Frankenstein Conquers the World
4. The Giant Claw

[Derek]

1. Flash Gordon

This would probably be my #6, but Brian Blessed's performance really deserves a special mention here. It's something else.

[soitgoes...]

This would probably be my #6, but Brian Blessed's performance really deserves a special mention here. It's something else.I'm tempted to say it's the career high point for everyone involved, von Sydow included, and I'm a Bergman fanboy.

[B-side]

Hm. I may have to step away from this one. I can't think of another one that I don't think was intentionally silly.

[EyesWideOpen]

I forgot about Flash Gordon that definitely belongs on this list. I love the soundtrack.

[chrisnu]

1. The Wicker Man
2. Troll 2
3. Manos: The Hands of Fate
4. Mommie Dearest
5. 300

[Pop Trash]

This is the one that I legitimately think is a good movie.

I'll second that.

[Scar]

What about Commando?

[Rowland]

I dunno, Commando is tricky because persuasive arguments can be made for it being a "good bad" movie and for just being a genuinely good movie in accomplishing what most reasonable expectations could expect from it. I really like it, and not in a particularly ironic way either, though it makes for a fruitful viewing in that context as well.

[Spun Lepton]

Flash Gordon was supposed to be campy, and I think they acheived that pretty well. It's not a great movie, but it's fun and it has some good performances. Calling it "worst" seems a little extreme. Awesome soundtrack, too.

[Spun Lepton]

What about Commando?

Bad, but not "worst."

[origami_mustache]

Feeders and Feeders 2: Slay Bells

[dreamdead]

1. Samurai Cop
2. Troll 2
3. Visitor Q

[Spinal]

1. Samurai Cop
2. Troll 2

Gotta have one more.

[D_Davis]

Feeders and Feeders 2: Slay Bells

Major rep for the Polonia "love." RIP John Polonia.

I celebrated my 30th birthday with a viewing party of Feeders 1 and 2.

Their film Saurians, on my list, is a masterpiece of bad cinema. Nothing else even comes close, not even Troll 2 or Samurai Cop.

[Derek]

Oh man, how could I forget about Silent Night, Deadly Night 2!? List amended.

Garbage day (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5HlaBil8lUQ)!

[D_Davis]

Anyone seen Microwave Massacre, starring the voice of Frosty the Snow Man?

[dreamdead]

Gotta have one more.

Gotcha. I've seen Tokyo Gore Police, but that one's way too intentionally campy. Instead, I'll go with soon Miike that was just lame and repulsive.

[Mara]

1. Girls Just Want To Have Fun
2. The Lady and the Highwayman
3. Krull
4. Earth Girls Are Easy
5. The Beastmaster

[Pop Trash]

Oh man, how could I forget about Silent Night, Deadly Night 2!? List amended.


I seem to remember a huge chunk of that movie was flashbacks to the first movie. Laaazy!

[Spinal]

I will tally this once I get my laptop back from being repaired. I'm posting from my ps3 now and using the silly ps3 browser.

[Spinal]

I probably won't get my laptop back until Tuesday at the earliest. Sigh. Sorry for the delay.

[Spinal]

#9 (tie)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/mommiedearest.jpg

Mommie Dearest

Sample dialogue:

"Helga, I'm not mad at you. I'm mad at the dirt."
"Tina! Bring me the axe!"
"No... wire... hangers. What's wire hangers doing in this closet when I told you: no wire hangers EVER?" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bUZdXUI3VKo)

Director: Frank Perry

Year: 1981

Awards: Razzies for Worst Picture, Worst Actress, Worst Screenplay, Worst Supporting Actor, Worst Supporting Actress and Worst Film of the Decade.

"A handful of notorious scenes make it hard to take the film completely seriously, but the sour, claustrophobic intensity of Perry's direction and Dunaway's volcanic performance make it equally hard to dismiss as pure camp. Dunaway attains a strange spiritual communion with her signature role; in a way, she becomes Crawford, which may explain why her career never recovered. Like a true horror-movie villain, Crawford reached out from beyond the grave and claimed Dunaway's once-thriving career as her last victim."

-- Nathan Rabin

[Spinal]

#9 (tie)

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/SSShowgirls.jpg

Showgirls

Sample dialogue:

"I like having nice tits."
"It must be weird, not having anybody cum on you."
"She misses us like that lump on my twat I had taken off last week."

Director: Paul Verhoeven

Year: 1995

Awards: Razzies for Worst Picture, Worst Director, Worst Actress, Worst Screenplay, Worst New Star, Worst Screen Couple, Worst Original Song and Worst Film of the Decade.

"It's the casting of Berkley that derails Showgirls. As written, Nomi is a zero at best, and a foul-mouthed idiot at worst. For the picture to work, it desperately needs an actress at the center with the vulgar charm of, say, a Drew Barrymore, and the mysterious beauty of an Emmanuelle Beart. Except these actresses have agents -- and a clue."

-- Mick LaSalle

[B-side]

Those dialogue samples are amazing.

[Spinal]

#8

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/cage-wicker-man.jpg

The Wicker Man

Sample dialogue:

"OH, NO! NOT THE BEES! NOT THE BEES! AAAAAHHHHH! OH, THEY'RE IN MY EYES! MY EYES! AAAAHHHHH! AAAAAGGHHH!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=d4MqTCIDKhU)
"BITCHES! YOU BITCHES!"
"How'd it get burned? How'd it get burned? HOW'D IT GET BURNED, HOW'D IT GET BURNED?"

Director: Neil LaBute

Year: 2006

Awards: Razzie nominations for Worst Picture, Worst Actor, Worst Screenplay, Worst Screen Couple and Worst Remake.

"LaBute's Wicker Man is so devoid of chilling atmosphere or rational character behavior (as when Malus takes a late-night investigative swim, by himself, in a claustrophobic underground well) that the story's underlying concerns about male-female power dynamics become hopelessly trivial. Kudos to LaBute, however, for at least staging what may be the most unexpected and inappropriately funny cinematic sight of the year: Cage karate-kicking doll-faced Sobieski square in the face."

-- Nick Schager

[origami_mustache]

I saw this little canuxploitation gem on Memorial Day.

http://www.canuxploitation.com/graphx/moviebox/dragonhunt.jpg

[Spinal]

#7

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/torgo.jpg

Manos: The Hands of Fate

Sample dialogue:

"The woman is all we want! The others must die! They ALL must die! We do not even want the woman!"
"There is no way out of here. It'll be dark soon. There is no way out of here."
"Manos, God of primal darkness. As thou has decreed so have I done. The hands of fate have doomed this man. Thy will is done." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oBAMDPLo70o)

Director: Harold P. Warren

Year: 1966

Fun Facts: Filmed entirely with a handheld camera that could only record thirty-two seconds of film at a time. The film was shot without sound; all the lines were later dubbed by only three people - two men and one woman. The word Manos is Spanish for hands. Therefore, the title really says Hands: The Hands of Fate.

"What makes Manos: The Hands of Fate noteworthy is that every aspect of it is badly done. Writing, directing, acting, cinematography, sound, lighting, sets, costumes, music, plot, character -- it's all inept and worthless ... Freddy Got Fingered may be an awful film, but at least everything is framed properly in the picture. And Armageddon is really stupid, but at least you can hear people when they talk."

-- Eric D. Snider

[Spinal]

#6

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/gymkata_l.jpg

Gymkata

Sample dialogue:

"Burn, you bastard!"
"Die, you bastard!"
"There are many sounds around us, each is slightly different. So small as to go unnoticed by the person who is unaware. Do not hear the wood split. Hear the only sound of axe, cutting air. Read the air itself."

Director: Robert Clouse

Year: 1985

About star Kurt Thomas: While at Indiana State University, Thomas became a member of the US Olympic team at the 1976 Summer Olympics. In 1978, Thomas was the first American male gymnast to win a gold medal in floor exercise in a world championship. He was expected by many to win a gold medal at the 1980 Summer Olympics, but the games were boycotted by the United States government. Two gymnastic moves were named for him, the Thomas Flair, a pommel horse (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-gTkUcXGF_Q) move actually created by Lloyd Larson, and the Thomas Salto, his signature skill on floor exercise.

"Gymkata is so awful, so hugely moronic, that when the MGM studio execs green-lit the project, somewhere, trillions of light years away, a planet exploded. Someone thought it would be a good idea to hand Kurt Thomas a headlining movie role, and that person is probably living at the Y today. [Thomas] delivers lines like he emerged from a coma ten seconds ago."

-- David Johnson (DVD Verdict)

[Spinal]

5 more tomorrow ...

[Spinal]

#5

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/plan-9-from-outer-space.jpg

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Sample dialogue:

"We are all interested in the future, for that is where you and I are going to spend the rest of our lives. And remember my friend, future events such as these will affect you in the future." (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xes0F36eTJA)
"But one thing's sure. Inspector Clay is dead, murdered, and somebody's responsible."
"You see? You see? Your stupid minds! Stupid! Stupid!"

Director: Ed Wood

Year: 1959

Fun facts: The detective that points his gun at himself several times was actually testing director Ed Wood to see if he would notice. He didn't. Bela Lugosi appears in footage shot just before his death, but with no script in mind. Lugosi was doubled by Tom Mason, Wood's wife's chiropractor, who was significantly taller than Lugosi, and played the part with a cape covering his face. The film's original title was Grave Robbers from Outer Space, but the Baptist ministers who financed the picture objected.

"What's most striking is the sincerity that Wood brings to his work. The man doubtlessly thought himself to be a capable filmmaker and believed he had something of value to tell audiences. The result is a strange and endearing sweetness that radiates from every frame of Plan 9. It's sort of like watching the Special Olympics -- Wood may not be the most fleet-footed guy on the track, but you're pulling for him anyway."

-- David Lazarus

[Spinal]

#4

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/house-of-the-dead_l.jpg

House of the Dead

Sample dialogue:

"Guys, check out this book. Looks pretty old, maybe it'll help us!"
"We finally got to the boat but it wasn't there."
"Who's the guy with the Tom Cruise smile and the Rainman brain?"

Director: Uwe Boll

Year: 2003

Awards: Named Worst Film at the Fangoria Chainsaw Awards.

"House of the Dead is a mixture of bad acting, low-rent Matrix-style effects, a pounding techno soundtrack to keep us awake, zombie make-up that will be bettered by the trick-or-treaters knocking at your door during this Hallowe’en weekend, and seriously dumb dialogue: 'You created it all to be immortal. Why?' The answer: 'To live for ever!' Game over, please."

-- Ian Johns

[Spinal]

#3

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/theroom01.jpg

The Room

Sample dialogue:

"You are lying! I never hit you! You are tearing me apart, Lisa!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Plz-bhcHryc)
"I'm going to do what I want to do, and that's it. What do you think I should do?"
"Oh man, I just can't figure women out. Sometimes they're just too smart. Sometimes they're flat-out stupid. Other times they're just evil."

Director: Tommy Wiseau

Year: 2003

Awards: Won the Audience Award at the New York International Independent Film and Video Festival

Fun Fact: The film was shot simultaneously on 35 mm film and high-definition video. Wiseau was confused about the differences between the formats, so he used both cameras on the same mount.

"The Room marks the writing-directing-acting debut of Tommy Wiseau, who's not just one of the most unusual looking and sounding (with an unidentifiable Eastern European accent) leading men ever to grace the screen, but a narcissist nonpareil whose movie makes Vincent Gallo's The Brown Bunny seem the apotheosis of cinematic self-restraint."

-- Scott Foundas

[Russ]

#5


Plan 9 from Outer Space

Director: Ed Wood

Year: 1959

"What's most striking is the sincerity that Wood brings to his work. The man doubtlessly thought himself to be a capable filmmaker and believed he had something of value to tell audiences. The result is a strange and endearing sweetness that radiates from every frame of Plan 9. It's sort of like watching the Special Olympics -- Wood may not be the most fleet-footed guy on the track, but you're pulling for him anyway."

-- David Lazarus

What a great bad movie pull quote.

[Spinal]

#2

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/samuraicop1.jpg

Samurai Cop

Sample dialogue:

Nurse: Do you like what you see?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: I love what I see.
Nurse: Would you like to touch what you see?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Yes. Yes I would.
Nurse: Would you like to go out with me?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Uh, yes I would.
Nurse: Would you like to fuck me?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Bingo.
Nurse: Well then let's see what you've got...
[investigates his bulge]
Nurse: Doesn't interest me. Nothing there.
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Nothing there? Just exactly what would interest you, something the size of a jumbo jet?
Nurse: Have you been circumcised?
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: Yeah I have, why?
Nurse: Your doctor must have cut a large portion off.
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: No uh, he was a, he was a good doctor.
Nurse: Good doctors make mistakes too, that's why they have insurance.
Joe Marshall, the samurai cop: [getting closer to her] Hey... don't worry. I got enough. It's big.
Nurse: I want bigger.
[walks away]

Director: Amir Shervan

Year: 1989

Sample scene with commentary from Joe Bob Briggs (http://youtube.com/watch?v=RXczvXxdspE)

"To say this film is bad is like saying the Pacific Ocean is slightly moist... There simply aren't sufficient adjectives in the English language to convey the intrinsic stinkiness of this celluloid dung heap."

-- Brian Lindsey

[Spinal]

#1

http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v696/joel_harmon/troll2nilbog.jpg

Troll 2

Sample dialogue:

"They're eating her... and then they're going to eat me... OH MY GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOD!" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HyophYBP_w4)
"Nilbog! It's goblin spelled backwards! This is their kingdom!"
"But how are we going to make grandpa come?"

Director: Claudio Fragasso

Year: 1990

Fun fact: Although this movie was titled Troll 2 to capitalize on the minor success of Troll, this movie has no connection with the plot or production of the earlier one and in fact contains no trolls.

"The fact that Troll 2 isn’t even about trolls – it’s about goblins – is a mere minor deficiency in light of its ineptitude, which is so vast that it would require thousands of words to fully catalog all that’s wrong and perplexing about the proceedings. Nonetheless, special mention must go to Margo Prey, whose performance is incompetent to the point that it’s never quite clear if her character ... is stoned or mentally handicapped. And kudos to whoever thought that pint-sized protagonist Joshua should prevent his family from eating a dangerous food buffet by coating it in urine."

-- Nick Schager

[Spinal]

1. Troll 2 (30)
2. Samurai Cop (19)
3. The Room (15)
4. House of the Dead (14.5)
5. Plan 9 from Outer Space (11)
6. Gymkata (10.5)
7. Manos: The Hands of Fate (10)
8. The Wicker Man (8)
9t. Showgirls (6)
9t. Mommie Dearest (6)

[Ezee E]

Haven't watched more than 10 minutes of any of these.

[Yxklyx]

I dunno, I find Ed Wood to be a "capable" director compared to others in this thread. I think people bash him more because his films are on the edge of being regular fare and aren't obvious crap (like Manos). I found both Plan 9 and Glen or Glenda to be enjoyable and yes even captivating and I look forward to seeing them both again in the future.

[Russ]

I dunno, I find Ed Wood to be a "capable" director compared to others in this thread. I think people bash him more because his films are on the edge of being regular fare and aren't obvious crap (like Manos). I found both Plan 9 and Glen or Glenda to be enjoyable and yes even captivating and I look forward to seeing them both again in the future.
Do you also find Ed Wood to be a "capable" scripter of dialogue?

[Raiders]

I unironically adore Glen or Glenda as a very personal film and statement, but I do not claim Wood was a capable filmmaker.

[Ivan Drago]

#3
The Room

I approve.

But you're tearing Tommy APART, Match Cut!

Though I DO need to see this Troll 2. As well as the documentary about it.

[Thirdmango]

crap I need to start looking in here more often so I could have put forth "Can't Stop The Music".