Sxottlan
04-11-2009, 03:20 AM
Late as usual!
When it comes to even-numbered years, 2008 wasn't terrible, nor spectacular. It was there. I've had a theory this decade that odd-numbered years have been better than the even-numbered one. 2008 put that theory to the test and found it somewhat lacking. While there were a small number of great films, there were also fewer really awful films either. Following such a great year as 2007, the dearth of anything really special in the spring was especially hard, but 2008 rebounded later on.
Now I wonder if that has to do with the number of films I went to in 2008? I saw 11 fewer movies in theaters than in the past few years. I can't say why that is. It feels like I saw as many films as I always do, but the math doesn't equal out. It's not really like I was more selective. I still saw Paul "Barack Obama" Anderson's Death Race and the third Mummy movie.
I think there were just fewer films that I wanted to see (the number of two-movie weekends were down this last year). My work schedule switched to nights last summer as well, making it a chore to even get to a mid-afternoon screening of just about anything. I can only recall a few trips to the art house theater, which is a shame because they're not-for-profit and I love supporting them, but wish they'd include matinees. The number of new rentals also stayed low.
Some trends I noticed in 2008:
The Self-Made Man: Two of the biggest hits of the year might be a peak into why some super heroes are so popular in the U.S. Both Iron Man and The Dark Knight feature men wealthy enough to forge new and powerful identities, for better or ill. The idea of wealth=freedom is on display in both movies, whether it's nearly soaring into space or prowling along on rooftop. Both are literally above it all and alone, a familiar pull at many people's souls. More than a century ago, it was "Go west young man!" Sixty years ago it was the moon. Now it's more about unplugging from the machine.
2009: The New 2008: I don't think I can recall a year with more high profile films being delayed. Maybe 2002. The delays especially hurt the fall season, which passed far more quietly than usual. Films like Harry Potter 6, The Road and Star Trek will be added gravy to an already busier 2009, but their absence was keenly felt this year. Films with Oscar buzz didn't reach most theatres until well after Christmas.
Now for the usual litany of films, good and bad. Please keep in the mind the films I did not see in 2008, whether it's because they never opened here and haven't come to DVD or else I just couldn't muster the interest (Defiance, Repo: The Genetic Opera, Man on Wire and Waltz with Bashir) or else I didn't have four hours (Che).
The Bottom Ten of 2008:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/jumper1.jpg
Doug Liman watches his career shrink farther into the distance.
1. Jumper: ** A film that somehow manages to make the cool crime of teleporting obnoxious and overwrought. The movie also features the longest, most awkward first date in movie history as Hayden Christensen's character whisks away a girl to Rome and then spends most of it leaving her high and dry or else bickering with local police. I don't think I've heard the phrase "It's okay, can we just go?" more often than here. How romantic! I thought I'd have more to say on this one, but mercifully I've forgotten the rest of the film.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/clonewars2.jpg
Here's a demographic we haven't exploited yet!
2. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: ** Five seconds into this "film" and we're already in trouble. But let's be honest, shall we? This wasn't a movie. It was three episodes strung together to make a film. The last time I saw that was Master Ninja 1 on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. The film opens with a unnecessary and unintentionally funny narration that actually tells us what is happening as it's happening on screen. Apparently, we can't trust our eyes. This ocular discrimination continues with the wretched character design, from Anakin's cute Beverly Hills nose job to Ben Kenobi's beard that can looks like it could cut steel. Worst of all is the addition of an obnoxious padawan to the clearly disturbed Anakin as a way to make a bloody civil war palatable for little kids.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/thealphabetkiller_galleryposte r.jpg
Maybe if I hide here, no one will see the movie.
3. The Alphabet Killer: Shot in my hometown, I guess that explains why this film is so depressing. Rochester can be a grimy old rust belt town that's trying to fumble its way into a new identity. This fairly cliche serial killer film wallowed in child murder as a cheap way to get us to care and ends up being a side plot to yet another schizophrenic character. That allowed the director to indulge in ghost imagery that almost seems to mock the victims. You just walk of this drab colorless film feeling like offing yourself, another victim of the film's killer.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/Wanted.jpg
C+. P.S. You'll shoot your eye out.
4. Wanted: For the first half of this film, Timur Bkemambetov's American debut is actually pretty good. There's a spark and energy to the film and the action scenes are fun. Funny how just the littlest nudge can send a film face-first into the ground. Ala Peter Griffin, I nearly stood up and said "Done!" when Morgan Freeman's character seriously tries to tell us they do what a spinning loom tells them to. Well wait, just your spinning loom? Or any spinning loom? Could I go to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and get a hit list off some Amish lady's loom? If it's possible, then the film gets even stupidererer. In all the time it takes the main character to catch and set up hundreds of rats as walking bombs, he could have simply just walked in and shot up the place.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/EagleEye2-1.jpg
Sam Whitwicky is running from Capitoltron!
5. Eagle Eye: ** And talk about really going out of your way to do something. For example, the villain in this movie has the protagonists rob an armored car for a vial of medicine to keep them alive in low oxygen so they can ride in a transport plane. Uh, why not just get them tickets on a regular plane? It's films like this that make me worry about how Star Trek will turn out coming from the same people. I never fail to crack up at characters in sci-fi movies who go on and on about how advance their A.I. is and then have such a massive blind spot for how it can easily do without humanity. In this case though, the computer jumps through such loop holes to come to the conclusions it does that it's just ludicrous. So pretty much, never do anything because it'll bring harm to you. That's the lesson of the film. Pair that with so many silly things that go right for the villain and you have a movie stretched beyond the breaking point.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/Hancock.jpg
Hey, I was angry too when I read the script's third act!
6. Hancock: ** Or: A Staggering Act of Self-Sabotage. Not the most disappointing film of the year, but darn near it. Director Peter Berg seems to regularly crank out solid work and much of this film appeared to be going the same way. And then it just turns 90 degrees and goes in a direction that is given absolutely zero set-up. The story completely shifts into something else and it's mind-boggling to watch. It needlessly complicates what had been an already interesting story about a superhero and his love-hate relationship with people. Yet in a film about superheroes, I find it harder to believe that he just happens to meet a guy married to some long lost love he doesn't even remember.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/andre_benjamin16.jpg
I can take him. He's just an Ewok.
7. Semi-Pro: ** I actually felt a little bit like a used floor towel after watching this film i.e. a little scummy. What should have been the final installment in a hilarious Will Ferrell sports trilogy ends on this so-so film about minor league basketball involving a thoroughly unlikeable lead character. There's always been a fine line between Ferrell's characters being lovable idiots and detestable jerks. I guess this film just swung too far over the fence into jerk territory. Turns out jerk territory is Flint, Michigan in the 1970's, which is a great setting, but this film manages to squander this with scene after scene that just never quite gets to hilarious. Thinking back now, the most I remember laughing at is the bear wrestling scene and nothing else.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/10000bc_snow1.jpg
The advancement of the spear was stymied by the invention of the horse.
8. 10,000 B.C.: ** Well at least they didn't try to show the hero inventing the wheel. Knowing little of the plot, I was hoping for something realistic. Okay, silly me. History and shifts in society fascinate me, but there's a black and white cartoon feel when a pair of hunter/gatherers walk into a village and stare in bewilderment at a small field of planted crops. It gets sillier as the film becomes a cliche as old as 10,000 years when the hero travels to the bad guy's city to rescue his girl. Roland Emmerich films the shrouded villain with such mystery I seriously thought it would be revealed that he was a Stargate alien. That would have actually made for a better film.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/dtess1.jpg
Tens of people flock to the grand opening of Epcot Center New York!
9. The Day the Earth Stood Still: ** Perhaps the Earth was just as bored by this film as I was. A dull remake that tries to alter the story for our time, but at the expense of plausibility. If you're now going to wipe out humanity to save Earth, why bother sending an emissary to shake hands with them in the first place! Amid all the superfluous special effects scenes thrown in to punch up a second rate holiday feature (you know your movie is in trouble when the biggest monument destroyed in your disaster film is the Meadowlands) is perhaps the worst child performance in many many years. Jaden Smith, the hell spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith is the real alien monster here, practically ruining every scene he's in with his contrive obstinate and bratty behavior. About the biggest pleasure of the film was watching Klaatu leave the kid alone in the forest after the kid told police where to find him. I especially like how Klaatu downs a chopper and turns to look at the kid as if to say, "Those lives are on your head dumbass."
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/zohan8.jpg
"It's gone from suck to blow!"
10. You Don't Mess with the Zohan: ** Some of the old Adam Sandler absurdity returns in his most recent film about a Hassad super agent. Unfortunately, too much of a plot gets in the way and drags out the film way too long. It also gets distracted by cameos, some inspired (Dave Matthews as a redneck assassin) and dumb (Mariah Carey as... Mariah Carey). One particular joke involving sex with old women, like everything in this movie, just goes on way too long before it just starts getting nasty. The film's final third where Jewish/Palestinian animosity is put aside to fight off a Wal-Mart clone moving into the neighborhood offers nothing new or funny in the fight against rampant capitalism.
Next Up: Miscellaneous categories.
When it comes to even-numbered years, 2008 wasn't terrible, nor spectacular. It was there. I've had a theory this decade that odd-numbered years have been better than the even-numbered one. 2008 put that theory to the test and found it somewhat lacking. While there were a small number of great films, there were also fewer really awful films either. Following such a great year as 2007, the dearth of anything really special in the spring was especially hard, but 2008 rebounded later on.
Now I wonder if that has to do with the number of films I went to in 2008? I saw 11 fewer movies in theaters than in the past few years. I can't say why that is. It feels like I saw as many films as I always do, but the math doesn't equal out. It's not really like I was more selective. I still saw Paul "Barack Obama" Anderson's Death Race and the third Mummy movie.
I think there were just fewer films that I wanted to see (the number of two-movie weekends were down this last year). My work schedule switched to nights last summer as well, making it a chore to even get to a mid-afternoon screening of just about anything. I can only recall a few trips to the art house theater, which is a shame because they're not-for-profit and I love supporting them, but wish they'd include matinees. The number of new rentals also stayed low.
Some trends I noticed in 2008:
The Self-Made Man: Two of the biggest hits of the year might be a peak into why some super heroes are so popular in the U.S. Both Iron Man and The Dark Knight feature men wealthy enough to forge new and powerful identities, for better or ill. The idea of wealth=freedom is on display in both movies, whether it's nearly soaring into space or prowling along on rooftop. Both are literally above it all and alone, a familiar pull at many people's souls. More than a century ago, it was "Go west young man!" Sixty years ago it was the moon. Now it's more about unplugging from the machine.
2009: The New 2008: I don't think I can recall a year with more high profile films being delayed. Maybe 2002. The delays especially hurt the fall season, which passed far more quietly than usual. Films like Harry Potter 6, The Road and Star Trek will be added gravy to an already busier 2009, but their absence was keenly felt this year. Films with Oscar buzz didn't reach most theatres until well after Christmas.
Now for the usual litany of films, good and bad. Please keep in the mind the films I did not see in 2008, whether it's because they never opened here and haven't come to DVD or else I just couldn't muster the interest (Defiance, Repo: The Genetic Opera, Man on Wire and Waltz with Bashir) or else I didn't have four hours (Che).
The Bottom Ten of 2008:
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/jumper1.jpg
Doug Liman watches his career shrink farther into the distance.
1. Jumper: ** A film that somehow manages to make the cool crime of teleporting obnoxious and overwrought. The movie also features the longest, most awkward first date in movie history as Hayden Christensen's character whisks away a girl to Rome and then spends most of it leaving her high and dry or else bickering with local police. I don't think I've heard the phrase "It's okay, can we just go?" more often than here. How romantic! I thought I'd have more to say on this one, but mercifully I've forgotten the rest of the film.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/clonewars2.jpg
Here's a demographic we haven't exploited yet!
2. Star Wars: The Clone Wars: ** Five seconds into this "film" and we're already in trouble. But let's be honest, shall we? This wasn't a movie. It was three episodes strung together to make a film. The last time I saw that was Master Ninja 1 on Mystery Science Theatre 3000. The film opens with a unnecessary and unintentionally funny narration that actually tells us what is happening as it's happening on screen. Apparently, we can't trust our eyes. This ocular discrimination continues with the wretched character design, from Anakin's cute Beverly Hills nose job to Ben Kenobi's beard that can looks like it could cut steel. Worst of all is the addition of an obnoxious padawan to the clearly disturbed Anakin as a way to make a bloody civil war palatable for little kids.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/thealphabetkiller_galleryposte r.jpg
Maybe if I hide here, no one will see the movie.
3. The Alphabet Killer: Shot in my hometown, I guess that explains why this film is so depressing. Rochester can be a grimy old rust belt town that's trying to fumble its way into a new identity. This fairly cliche serial killer film wallowed in child murder as a cheap way to get us to care and ends up being a side plot to yet another schizophrenic character. That allowed the director to indulge in ghost imagery that almost seems to mock the victims. You just walk of this drab colorless film feeling like offing yourself, another victim of the film's killer.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/Wanted.jpg
C+. P.S. You'll shoot your eye out.
4. Wanted: For the first half of this film, Timur Bkemambetov's American debut is actually pretty good. There's a spark and energy to the film and the action scenes are fun. Funny how just the littlest nudge can send a film face-first into the ground. Ala Peter Griffin, I nearly stood up and said "Done!" when Morgan Freeman's character seriously tries to tell us they do what a spinning loom tells them to. Well wait, just your spinning loom? Or any spinning loom? Could I go to Lancaster County, Pennsylvania and get a hit list off some Amish lady's loom? If it's possible, then the film gets even stupidererer. In all the time it takes the main character to catch and set up hundreds of rats as walking bombs, he could have simply just walked in and shot up the place.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/EagleEye2-1.jpg
Sam Whitwicky is running from Capitoltron!
5. Eagle Eye: ** And talk about really going out of your way to do something. For example, the villain in this movie has the protagonists rob an armored car for a vial of medicine to keep them alive in low oxygen so they can ride in a transport plane. Uh, why not just get them tickets on a regular plane? It's films like this that make me worry about how Star Trek will turn out coming from the same people. I never fail to crack up at characters in sci-fi movies who go on and on about how advance their A.I. is and then have such a massive blind spot for how it can easily do without humanity. In this case though, the computer jumps through such loop holes to come to the conclusions it does that it's just ludicrous. So pretty much, never do anything because it'll bring harm to you. That's the lesson of the film. Pair that with so many silly things that go right for the villain and you have a movie stretched beyond the breaking point.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/Hancock.jpg
Hey, I was angry too when I read the script's third act!
6. Hancock: ** Or: A Staggering Act of Self-Sabotage. Not the most disappointing film of the year, but darn near it. Director Peter Berg seems to regularly crank out solid work and much of this film appeared to be going the same way. And then it just turns 90 degrees and goes in a direction that is given absolutely zero set-up. The story completely shifts into something else and it's mind-boggling to watch. It needlessly complicates what had been an already interesting story about a superhero and his love-hate relationship with people. Yet in a film about superheroes, I find it harder to believe that he just happens to meet a guy married to some long lost love he doesn't even remember.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/andre_benjamin16.jpg
I can take him. He's just an Ewok.
7. Semi-Pro: ** I actually felt a little bit like a used floor towel after watching this film i.e. a little scummy. What should have been the final installment in a hilarious Will Ferrell sports trilogy ends on this so-so film about minor league basketball involving a thoroughly unlikeable lead character. There's always been a fine line between Ferrell's characters being lovable idiots and detestable jerks. I guess this film just swung too far over the fence into jerk territory. Turns out jerk territory is Flint, Michigan in the 1970's, which is a great setting, but this film manages to squander this with scene after scene that just never quite gets to hilarious. Thinking back now, the most I remember laughing at is the bear wrestling scene and nothing else.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/10000bc_snow1.jpg
The advancement of the spear was stymied by the invention of the horse.
8. 10,000 B.C.: ** Well at least they didn't try to show the hero inventing the wheel. Knowing little of the plot, I was hoping for something realistic. Okay, silly me. History and shifts in society fascinate me, but there's a black and white cartoon feel when a pair of hunter/gatherers walk into a village and stare in bewilderment at a small field of planted crops. It gets sillier as the film becomes a cliche as old as 10,000 years when the hero travels to the bad guy's city to rescue his girl. Roland Emmerich films the shrouded villain with such mystery I seriously thought it would be revealed that he was a Stargate alien. That would have actually made for a better film.
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/dtess1.jpg
Tens of people flock to the grand opening of Epcot Center New York!
9. The Day the Earth Stood Still: ** Perhaps the Earth was just as bored by this film as I was. A dull remake that tries to alter the story for our time, but at the expense of plausibility. If you're now going to wipe out humanity to save Earth, why bother sending an emissary to shake hands with them in the first place! Amid all the superfluous special effects scenes thrown in to punch up a second rate holiday feature (you know your movie is in trouble when the biggest monument destroyed in your disaster film is the Meadowlands) is perhaps the worst child performance in many many years. Jaden Smith, the hell spawn of Will Smith and Jada Pinkett Smith is the real alien monster here, practically ruining every scene he's in with his contrive obstinate and bratty behavior. About the biggest pleasure of the film was watching Klaatu leave the kid alone in the forest after the kid told police where to find him. I especially like how Klaatu downs a chopper and turns to look at the kid as if to say, "Those lives are on your head dumbass."
http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v79/Sxottlan/zohan8.jpg
"It's gone from suck to blow!"
10. You Don't Mess with the Zohan: ** Some of the old Adam Sandler absurdity returns in his most recent film about a Hassad super agent. Unfortunately, too much of a plot gets in the way and drags out the film way too long. It also gets distracted by cameos, some inspired (Dave Matthews as a redneck assassin) and dumb (Mariah Carey as... Mariah Carey). One particular joke involving sex with old women, like everything in this movie, just goes on way too long before it just starts getting nasty. The film's final third where Jewish/Palestinian animosity is put aside to fight off a Wal-Mart clone moving into the neighborhood offers nothing new or funny in the fight against rampant capitalism.
Next Up: Miscellaneous categories.