Match-Cut Watches Bad Movies So You Don't Have To.

[Watashi]

This is a thread for everyone and anyone who had to sit and suffer from the latest output from the Hollywood trash system. Sometimes we are dragged to it by our family or a hot date. Sometimes it's just our morbid curiosity telling us "it can't be THAT bad, can it?". Sometimes it's just our nature. When we could be exploring the latest Iranian director's filmography, we happened to be watching a Renny Harlin marathon on TNT. God help us all.

So post your reviews/essays/headaches here and let us all know what we wouldn't be missing.

I think Derek can appropriately start this thread with its first entry.

[Raiders]

My wife inexplicably loves ABBA. I do not. At all. Mamma Mia! is little more than a poor excuse to have name celebrities perform karaoke--and in Brosnan's case drunk, after-midnight karaoke--to annoying song after annoying song. I have never seen a movie so bent on convincing you it is having a good time, and so are you. The first fifteen minutes have more forced giggling than I have ever seen on screen and the entire affair just feels so pointless.

[Ivan Drago]

:shrug:

Dancing Queen is a good song...

[Scar]

I, uh, actually didn't mind that movie, and I'm no fan of ABBA.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I like ABBA, but haven't seen Mamma Mia!.

[Raiders]

I like ABBA

I have always found your opinions on music highly suspect anyway.

[Kurosawa Fan]

I have always found your opinions on music highly suspect anyway.

I take comfort in that, knowing that you find anyone to be a better lyricist than Dylan.

[Mysterious Dude]

I like "Waterloo." Some day, I'm going to use it ironically in a movie.

I used to make an effort to see the worst movies of the year, back in the days of Freddy Got Fingered and Dude, Where's My Car?. These days, I feel like I have better things to do.

[Sycophant]

Guys, I love Abba. Mamma Mia! is one of the worst experiences I've ever paid for.

[Raiders]

Guys, I love Abba. Mamma Mia! is one of the worst experiences I've ever paid for.

Yeah, I probably should further clarify that while I hate the music, the shittiness of this movie transcends the awfulness of the music. There is far more wrong here than merely the soundtrack.

[Watashi]

Amanda Seyfried is hot though.

[Sycophant]

The shittiness of the movie pretty much transcends common conceptions of shittiness.

And it still couldn't make The Dark Knight look great in a double feature. [/unnecessary jab].

[Sycophant]

Amanda Seyfried is hot though.

The cast is littered with attractive people of both genders.

Colin Firth becomes inexplicably gay.

The movie tells you it's going to end eight times before it actually does. It's like Return of the King except total bullshit.

Christine Baranski holds a dildo to her crotch for a minute during one of the musical numbers ("Dancing Queen"?) to illustrate the concept of "man".

This movie is the fucking worst.

[megladon8]

I'm curious...is it a case of a poor translation of the musical, or was the source material just as awful?

I know my parents enjoyed the musical, but their tastes are spotty at best.

[Hugh_Grant]

I guess I have no rational reason why, but I loved Mamma Mia!

[Lasse]

I was entertained by Mamma Mia!, but I have no desire to watch it again. Ever. I'll put on my Abba records instead.

Just watched the remake of The Day The Earth Stood Still. I'm sure it was supposed to make me think about a lot of things, but it was pretty forgettable. Not really bad, just forgettable.

[Boner M]

I guess this thread can be Dukefrukem's film log.

[Spaceman Spiff]

I have always found your opinions on music highly suspect anyway.


I take comfort in that, knowing that you find anyone to be a better lyricist than Dylan.

Gentlemen, please. There are no better lyricists than Bob Dylan, and Abba is indeed THE LAME.

Haven't seen Mamma Mia, but I'm pretty sure I'm better off keeping it that way.

[Spinal]

Guys, I love Abba. Mamma Mia! is one of the worst experiences I've ever paid for.

This is where I stand. Atrocious integration of the songs into a plot. Julie Walters is Razzie-worthy. A whole beach full of young Greek men lust openly over Christine Baranski. I mean, come on.

[Arthur Seaton]

Every female I know loves Mamma Mia! Loves. I know "chick flick" reasoning is rather simplistic, but I don't think I've seen a movie be so divisive between the genders. Match Cut seems to be a male-dominated place, so the vitriol we're seeing in this thread seems to support that trend.

[Spinal]

My wife hated Mamma Mia. This is one of many reasons why my wife is awesome.

[Sycophant]

Well, the only female to chime in on it so far ITT said she liked it for no explicable reason, so...

That said, I've got a female friend who hated it. Is not so simple.

[Barty]

Paul Blart: Mall Cop is one of the most poorly constructed films I've ever seen. It literally hurts you with it's incompetence, however it's so inoffensive it's not really worth hating.

[MadMan]

I was dragged to Marely and Me last month. It wasn't a terrible film, just horribly mediocre. I also saw in that same month Blown Away, which had a solid cast, a decent premise, and some good set pieces. But the movie still sucked. Apparently according to AMC that film is an "American Movie Classic" :|

Oh and I think Dude, Where's My Car? is one of the funniest and dumbest movies I have ever seen. Its stupidity makes the movie hilarious, much like Dumb and Dumber, only the latter film has a bit of method to the madness and is the better movie.

And I hate ABBA, so Mamma Mia sounds like a trip into chick flick hell.

[lovejuice]

i like ABBA. marginally enjoy mama mia the musical in a sing-along-dance-along-standing-ticket fashion. it sits right there on the line between camp and plain bad. the movie though crosses that line and becomes unbearable.

[Sycophant]

I wanna point out I did not see Mamma Mia! under protest or by serendepity. No, I was fucking pumped to see that movie.

ABBA musical! Meryl Streep! Pierce Brosnan! Colin Firth! Huge-Smile Girl!

Saw it in a double feature with The Dark Knight. Got a couple friends to go with me. Begged even more to go because I thought it would be awesome. I announced to my friends that even if the movie was silly or frivolous, I was going to give myself over to it and have the best time possible with it.

Oh Jesus.

[Derek]

I think Derek can appropriately start this thread with its first entry.

So Underworld: Rise of the Lycans is the kind of film I can see being praised for its narrative efficiency as there's nary a minute of filler anywhere to be found. Yet this lack of deviation from a simplistic action-response-action formula forces the film to play out in a painfully amateurish fashion. Scene after scene land flat with a resounding thud as it tries to convince us of its own epicness without providing more than a thinly conceived backstory, an underdeveloped, predictable cross-species love story and its even more shallow oppressor/slave duality that allows the filmmakers to bring out one cliche after another. Oh yeah, and Michael Sheen (http://www.adorocinema.com/personalidades/atores/michael-sheen/michael-sheen01.jpg) plays the badass protagonist who naturally befriends an obscenely large black man with a frighteningly deep voice and a heart of gold. Unfortunately, he was unable to cure Sheen's urinary disease.


Paul Blart: Mall Cop is one of the most poorly constructed films I've ever seen. It literally hurts you with it's incompetence, however it's so inoffensive it's not really worth hating.

Unless you find incompetence offensive, which I often do.

[Rowland]

I watched two of last year's low-budget under-the-radar comedies last night, The Foot-Fist Way and The Promotion. They both sucked.

[Dukefrukem]

I'll submit Mirrors to this thread. Avoid it at all costs unless you enjoy watching Jack Bauer scream into mirrors... it also has one of the worst endings of all recent horror films.

[lovejuice]

I'll submit Mirrors to this thread. Avoid it at all costs unless you enjoy watching Jack Bauer scream into mirrors... it also has one of the worst endings of all recent horror films.

can you spoil it for us? i love bad ending/twist.

[Benny Profane]

I have some friends who swear by Anchorman so I watched it with them this weekend even though I fkn hated it the first time I saw it. I hated it even more the second time. Seriously, what the hell is funny about that movie? It is flat-out fkn terrible.

[Boner M]

Think I'm gonna watch 88 Minutes or The Love Guru tonight, for some perspective, I guess. Dunno how long I'll last with either.

[Rowland]

Think I'm gonna watch 88 Minutes or The Love Guru tonight, for some perspective, I guess. Dunno how long I'll last with either.I'm curious about The Love Guru, just having seen the third Austin Powers movie for the first time in five years. Some of the bits held up surprisingly well in a puerile kinda way, and it has a manic pop sensibility that is so much more playful than most mainstream comedies tend to be. I still don't get the joke behind Goldmember though.... unless that is the joke.

[megladon8]

I still don't get the joke behind Goldmember though.... unless that is the joke.


I'm confused...what's not to get?

It's a pretty straight-forward joke. Spoof of Goldfinger, but instead of a gold finger, he has a gold cock.

[Spinal]

I have some friends who swear by Anchorman so I watched it with them this weekend even though I fkn hated it the first time I saw it. I hated it even more the second time. Seriously, what the hell is funny about that movie? It is flat-out fkn terrible.

Completely agree. I hear it quoted far too often for a film that has maybe one good scene.

[MadMan]

Anchorman is not only very funny, its one of the best comedies of 2004. Goldmember really is mostly stupid, aside from the amazing opener, but it was still quite funny as well. It was much better than the weak, mediocre second Austin Powers flick. The first one is still easily the best.

I want to see Max Payne, simply because it looks like the most entertaining terrible movie of 2008.

[Dukefrukem]

can you spoil it for us? i love bad ending/twist.


So after everyone finally believes Jack Bauer that the mirrors are housing some evil spirit, Jack tracks down an old lady who was the first person to understand the truth of the terrors, but she's been in isolation ever since. Jack brings her back to the condemned mansion where everything started, into an underground secret room filled with mirrors wall to wall, with a chair in the middle of the room. He straps the old woman to the chair, and she harnesses some power and turns into an evil demon thing that escapes, jumps around the underground room and into the hallways where jack shoots a gas pipe blowing the whole place up and burning the demon and killing the spirits that were attacking his family simultaneously. Jack walks outside, unharmed, into the daylight, as the cops and firetrucks are starting to arrive, Jack sees the words on everyone's uniforms are backwards, and he finally realizes, he's stuck in the mirrors.

[Dukefrukem]

Anchorman is not only very funny, its one of the best comedies of 2004. Goldmember really is mostly stupid, aside from the amazing opener, but it was still quite funny as well. It was much better than the weak, mediocre second Austin Powers flick. The first one is still easily the best.

I was gonna say the opening for Goldmember is phenomenal.



I want to see Max Payne, simply because it looks like the most entertaining terrible movie of 2008.

It's not entertaining whatsoever.


I have some friends who swear by Anchorman so I watched it with them this weekend even though I fkn hated it the first time I saw it. I hated it even more the second time. Seriously, what the hell is funny about that movie? It is flat-out fkn terrible.

It's a niche comedy. I'm guessing you probably don't find Will Ferrell funny at all.

[Rowland]

I'm confused...what's not to get?

It's a pretty straight-forward joke. Spoof of Goldfinger, but instead of a gold finger, he has a gold cock.I'm referring to his Dutchness.

[MadMan]

It's not entertaining whatsoever.Rats.



So after everyone finally believes Jack Bauer that the mirrors are housing some evil spirit, Jack tracks down an old lady who was the first person to understand the truth of the terrors, but she's been in isolation ever since. Jack brings her back to the condemned mansion where everything started, into an underground secret room filled with mirrors wall to wall, with a chair in the middle of the room. He straps the old woman to the chair, and she harnesses some power and turns into an evil demon thing that escapes, jumps around the underground room and into the hallways where jack shoots a gas pipe blowing the whole place up and burning the demon and killing the spirits that were attacking his family simultaneously. Jack walks outside, unharmed, into the daylight, as the cops and firetrucks are starting to arrive, Jack sees the words on everyone's uniforms are backwards, and he finally realizes, he's stuck in the mirrors. That is beyond awful. Kiefer probably did that film for the money.

[Dukefrukem]

Rats.

That is beyond awful. Kiefer probably did that film for the money.

Now that I'm thinking about it... I think this may have happened:


The old lady may have not turned into the demon, but the demons in the mirrors crossed over into our world, and she was killed in a explosion of blood and glass. No one really knows.

[Spinal]

Anchorman is not only very funny, its one of the best comedies of 2004.

2004 comedies better than Anchorman:

Shaun of the Dead
Sideways
I Heart Huckabees
Mean Girls
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Citizen Dog
Saved!
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Incident at Loch Ness
The Ladykillers
Starsky and Hutch
Shrek 2 (yes, Shrek friggin' 2)
Lollilove

2004 comedies worse than Anchorman:
Napolean Dynamite
Team America: World Police
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

[Derek]

2004 comedies better than Anchorman:

I Heart Huckabees
Secret Things
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
The Saddest Music in the World

Yes, one of the best fkn comedies of fkn 2004.

[Spinal]

Secret Things

This was a comedy? :confused:

[Derek]

This was a comedy? :confused:

In a broad definition of the word, sure. Did you not find the last 30 minutes to be the least bit funny or comical in a very dark way?

[Boner M]

Think I'm gonna watch 88 Minutes or The Love Guru tonight, for some perspective, I guess. Dunno how long I'll last with either.
Started watching the former, got about 1/4 into the titular duration before skipping to the end to see if it really did end the way I'd expected, which it did. Also the film's prologue establishes that it's set in 1997 by having two characters mourn Princess Di's death before one of them falls asleep listening to the Backstreet Boys.

Leelee Sobieski's acting in the final scene is jaw-droppingly terrible; her Razzie nod was well-deserved for that scene alone.

[megladon8]

I'm referring to his Dutchness.


Oh, OK.

Well then I can say I am with you on that one. I didn't get the tirade of Dutch jokes at all.

And John Travolta's appearance at the end was by far the lamest of the celebrity cameos.

[Skitch]

My mom constantly tells me how much she hated Momma Mia.

[Skitch]

I hated I Heart Huckabess more than nearly anything ever.

[Dukefrukem]

2004 comedies better than Anchorman:

Shaun of the Dead
Sideways
I Heart Huckabees
Mean Girls
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou
Citizen Dog
Saved!
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie
Incident at Loch Ness
The Ladykillers
Starsky and Hutch
Shrek 2 (yes, Shrek friggin' 2)
Lollilove

2004 comedies worse than Anchorman:
Napolean Dynamite
Team America: World Police
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story

I disagree with everything on this page except Life Aquatic and Shaun of the Dead

[lovejuice]

Started watching the former, got about 1/4 into the titular duration before skipping to the end to see if it really did end the way I'd expected, which it did.

spoil it please! no point posting here -- "match-cut watches bad movies so you don't have to" -- unless you spoil the ending. :P;)

[megladon8]

Napoleon Dynamite was great.

[The Mike]

I want to see Max Payne, simply because it looks like the most entertaining terrible movie of 2008.:eek:

Never Back Down disagrees. It was easily the most Torquetastic movie of 2008. It's probably the Gone With the Wind of Torquetasticism. :pritch:

[megladon8]

:eek:

Never Back Down disagrees. It was easily the most Torquetastic movie of 2008. It's probably the Gone With the Wind of Torquetasticism. :pritch:


And now we have Fighting (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1082601/) to look forward to this year, starring Terrence Howard and Paul Walker II (Channing Tatum)!

[soitgoes...]

Napoleon Dynamite was great.
I hated it.

[megladon8]

I hated it.


I thought it was very funny. Seeing it with my friends on opening night was a blast.

[Boner M]

spoil it please! no point posting here -- "match-cut watches bad movies so you don't have to" -- unless you spoil the ending. :P;)
Leelee Sobieski - one of Pacino's psychology students - is the accomplice of the murderer that Pacino put behind bars at the beginning of the film. We know this off the bat because she's introduced as the smartest girl in the class, and smart girls are never to be trusted. I didn't watch about an hour of the film, though I can't imagine that the motivations become any clearer.

[Dukefrukem]

Napoleon Dynamite was great.

agreed. I use it to judge other peoples personalities.

[The Mike]

agreed. I use it to judge other peoples personalities.

Way better than getting to know people. ;)

I use the oh-so-important "Do you know the words to 'Only You'?" test.

[MadMan]

2004 comedies better than Anchorman:

Shaun of the Dead-Great
Sideways-Didn't see
I Heart Huckabees-Great
Mean Girls-Didn't bother to see
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou-Great
Citizen Dog-Never heard of it
Saved!-Will get around to it eventually
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie-Good, but not better than Anchorman
Incident at Loch Ness-Will seen sometime
The Ladykillers-Meh, I'll get around to this someday
Starsky and Hutch-No, but I liked it
Shrek 2 (yes, Shrek friggin' 2)-See above
Lollilove-Never even heard of it

2004 comedies worse than Anchorman:
Napolean Dynamite-Yes, but it got a fresh rating anyways
Team America: World Police-This one might be better
Dodgeball: A True Underdog Story=Good, but not betterThe best comedy of 2004 (out of the ones I saw) was either Shaun of the Dead or The Life Aquatic. I don't really consider I Heart Huckabees to be a comedy, although I guess if TLA is considered as such then it is too, and so would Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, even though IHH, ETSOTSM, and TLA all have strong elements of drama in them as well. Hmm....

Derek's List:

I Heart Huckabees-Great film
Secret Things-Never heard of it
The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou-Great
The Saddest Music in the World-Yeah I should try and see that one

[Spinal]

I don't really consider I Heart Huckabees to be a comedy ...

What? It's pretty much wall-to-wall gags. What do you consider it to be then?

[Milky Joe]

Man, 2004 was a great year for comedies.

[megladon8]

I agree with whomever said I Heart Huckabees is one of the most annoying movies they've ever seen.

[Skitch]

I use it to judge other peoples personalities.


Me too!


I hated it.

[The Mike]

I agree with whomever said I Heart Huckabees is one of the most annoying movies they've ever seen.
I agree with your agreeance.

*high fives*

[Kurosawa Fan]

I agree with whomever said I Heart Huckabees is one of the most annoying movies they've ever seen.

Crazy talk. I found it adequate when I saw it in theaters, but have caught it a couple times on the movie channels since and my respect for it has grown with each viewing. It's now one of those movies that I stop and watch any time I see it's on.

[Raiders]

Crazy talk. I found it adequate when I saw it in theaters, but have caught it a couple times on the movie channels since and my respect for it has grown with each viewing. It's now one of those movies that I stop and watch any time I see it's on.

*high fives*

*down low*

*TOO SLOW*

[MadMan]

What? It's pretty much wall-to-wall gags. What do you consider it to be then?Really? I don't recall it featuring a ton of gags. Maybe its due for a rewatch, seeing as I last saw it two-three years ago. I remember it being funny in parts, but the dramatic elements stuck out more so in my mind. I think the rather odd title of "Dramady (drama + comedy)" might apply here. Or not.

Also I've only seen I Heart Huckabees once. That one viewing was enough to convince me that it was the second best film I had seen from 2004. First would be Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. Neither was nominated for Best Picture. Oh well.

[Kurosawa Fan]

*high fives*

*down low*

*TOO SLOW*

Damn my slow hands!!!