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View Full Version : Upcoming movies that don't matter.



Boner M
10-13-2008, 08:27 AM
There's too many threads in this forum, many devoted to films that fit the above bill. Let's homogenize, yo.

Shark in Venice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDD9jGMlxNQ

First you think 'no way, it's probably about a loan shark or something', but then BAM!, things get all literal. It's like Death in Venice, only with sharks AND death. STEVEN BALDWIN!!!

Nights and Weekends:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5PyE0BJiZtM

I dig how this trailer grabs me by the collar, yells spittle in my face, and tells me that every film I've seen up until this point is a trivial, sugarcoated lie. Have to admit, I've said awkward things around girls before, so I think this might hit too close to home for me to bear. Still, props to the mumblecorps for capturing life's ugly truths, that most (EVIL CAPITALIST) Hollywood cinema glosses over. It's dirty work, but someone's gotta do it.

More to come!

Boner M
10-13-2008, 11:29 AM
The Plex:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rj4PFiQ4_k

Three cheers for the magic of Aussie cinema! Here, we are treated to the delightful hijinks of a pair of slackers who work at a multiplex. Expect jabs at the totally lame tastes of mass audiences (y'know, the stupid common folk who'd rather see Transformers instead of thought-provoking indie films like Juno), transparently amateur acting, unlimited narcissism, and a pop-culture-savvy sense of humor that was cutting edge in 1995. Viva Kevin Smith!

EvilShoe
10-13-2008, 11:36 AM
The Plex:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4Rj4PFiQ4_k

Three cheers for the magic of Aussie cinema! Here, we are treated to the delightful hijinks of a pair of slackers who work at a multiplex. Expect jabs at the totally lame tastes of mass audiences (y'know, the stupid common folk who'd rather see Transformers instead of thought-provoking indie films like Juno), transparently amateur acting, unlimited narcissism, and a pop-culture-savvy sense of humor that was cutting edge in 1995. Viva Kevin Smith!
There's a Braveheart-joke in the movie.
Isn't that just awesome?

I think it is, Boner.
I'm quite sure it is.

Boner M
10-13-2008, 11:56 AM
There's a Braveheart-joke in the movie.
Isn't that just awesome?

I think it is, Boner.
I'm quite sure it is.
These guys are seriously in tune with the zeitgeist; new voice of our generation, anyone? Move over, Nights and Weekends!

Ezee E
10-13-2008, 01:43 PM
Great thread.

Bosco B Thug
10-14-2008, 07:05 AM
No one's posted the oh-so-depressing trailer to The Uninvited, Dreamworks' remake of A Tale of Two Sisters!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7x8lWBr4VQ

It's worse than what any of us ever had reason to suspect. Add by that, I mean it looks exactly like what we would expect from a bastardized version of the original film. An evil stepmother story with ghosts.

It looks so bland, it even manages to make Elizabeth Banks seem flat and unappealing, and she's doing sexy evil!

Kurosawa Fan
10-14-2008, 12:25 PM
If you hadn't said so, I wouldn't have known that was supposed to be A Tale of Two Sisters. That's worse than I could have possibly imagined. Well, maybe not, as I have a pretty good imagination. But it's bad.

Wryan
10-14-2008, 03:39 PM
Haha. The milk turning into blood upon shattering. That's awesomely bad. Was that in the original movie?

transmogrifier
10-14-2008, 06:41 PM
There's too many threads in this forum, many devoted to films that fit the above bill. Let's homogenize, yo.

Shark in Venice:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BDD9jGMlxNQ

First you think 'no way, it's probably about a loan shark or something', but then BAM!, things get all literal. It's like Death in Venice, only with sharks AND death. STEVEN BALDWIN!!!


This looks like the type of film Snakes on a Plane tried to be, but failed dismally. I have to see it.

Ivan Drago
10-14-2008, 08:24 PM
No one's posted the oh-so-depressing trailer to The Uninvited, Dreamworks' remake of A Tale of Two Sisters!

Fucking. Hell.

Spinal
10-15-2008, 05:20 AM
No one's posted the oh-so-depressing trailer to The Uninvited, Dreamworks' remake of A Tale of Two Sisters!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P7x8lWBr4VQ


I lost interest at 'PG-13'.

Yxklyx
10-15-2008, 03:48 PM
Snakes on a Plane and Tale of Two Sisters comment got me thinking. If Korea remade Snakes on a Plane wouldn't we be all over it? Or no? I also wonder if American movies are constantly being remade in other countries but we're never made aware of that.

Grouchy
10-15-2008, 04:25 PM
I lost interest at 'PG-13'.
Wasn't the original also PG-13? I don't remember anything gorier than images of corpses and scary ghosts.


Snakes on a Plane and Tale of Two Sisters comment got me thinking. If Korea remade Snakes on a Plane wouldn't we be all over it? Or no? I also wonder if American movies are constantly being remade in other countries but we're never made aware of that.
If Korea remade Snakes on a Plane I'd be all over it, sure, but it's not like it's a good movie. And anyway, I guess we all know about the Turkish remakes of American classics.

MadMan
10-15-2008, 05:44 PM
I like this thread.

Fezzik
10-15-2008, 08:11 PM
*rolls his eyes* Oh, here we go again with the pretentious "we're so much better than thi..."

*giggle*

Sorry, I couldn't pull it off.

This thread rocks :)

Lasse
10-15-2008, 10:20 PM
If you hadn't said so, I wouldn't have known that was supposed to be A Tale of Two Sisters.

Also my first thought. It looks fairly terrible.

Bosco B Thug
10-16-2008, 12:05 AM
Haha. The milk turning into blood upon shattering. That's awesomely bad. Was that in the original movie? Haha, nope thank goodness. Yes, that is an hilariously awful moment. That's potent symbolism, maybe - if you're a 5 year old who has just gotten an inkling of what "lactation" means for some reason.

Here's the trailer to David Goyer's upcoming horror film THE UNBORN: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3za3rJW2ttE

Some actually rather startling and freakish imagery, and a premise that's kind of perversely strange and intriguing, but otherwise it looks badly made.